Merry Christmas, boys and girls! What did Santa get you this year? A lump of coal? 2009′s been a year like that. But I must have been very good because I got a bunch of stuff that’s really awesome. And I have come to share! Looky! I got:
12 Drummers drumming in a feelgood (ish) festive bakers dozen dancealong mix tape!
Er, what on earth is up with Shammi’s face? It must be the subterranean lifestyle.
Damn, that moon place sure is groovy! The aliens need to look into better costume design though. This universal dependence on tinsel and aluminum is getting me down.
I want that hair! I WANT.
So, who among you has a soul so dead that you haven’t grooved to this track at least once? Not even in your childhood?
You think Shammi is the bootifool part of this song. But you’re wrong! The true beauty of this song is Mehmood in blackface and a sailor suit.
Aaaaand that’s what an ode to Laxmi Chhaya’s bosom looks like! Don’t thank me, thank Santa! Mera-wala bestest!
Whoa. So much awesome.
Watch Jeetendra have a fit! Watch! And watch Vinod Khanna disapprove! So hot.
Helen. The only person to ever face the full might of Feroze Khan’s insanity and win. That’s why there’ll only ever be one Helen.
Note to Sanjay Leela Bhansali: this is how you play statue. Bolly-style.
You know what I like about the 70s? They all made do with the same 5 or so steps and yet made it all look so amazingly different.
That’s right. AB did it first. He did everything first!
11 or so Kapoor confessions
Oh, yes. I remember this ex-boyfriend very well. You want to stay away from that guy, Santa.
A decade worth of disco pants
Feliz Navidad right back at the Mexican wrestling team! I love their Bollywood work!
9 Southern stars – whom you have already met!
8 assorted Kapoors
Excuse me but I just remembered something. Be right back! *runs off to get towel*
Several avatars of Helen
Because I’ve been a very good girl, obviously. And you can share my bounty.
6 saucy minxes
To show you a thing or two about getting it right, baby!
5 men in draaaaaaag
Is it wrong that I’m jealous of Shammi?
4 fashion statements
Ahem. When sex games go wrong, obviously.
3 fancy men
Oh, the choices a girl has to make!
2 Turtle Horses
And that brooding Bachchan in a tux!
Thank you, Santa! I had the best time ever. My stocking is full but my heart’s even more so. Won’t you please let me know who you are? Beth the meanie won’t tell me and apparently all my guesses are wrong.
Wish you all a happier, improved 2010. See you all on the other side of the break. Love you all!