Yup, They’re Married

21 Sep

What do Bollywood stars do when they go abroad?
Duh. They shop.

What do married Bollywood stars do when they go abroad?
Double duh! They shop together, of course!

Ta-da! Meet Aishwarya Rai, currently beloved of robots, and her husband Abhishek Bachchan, fortuitously the patron saint of robots in films. As soon as I saw these pics, I wondered how come I hadn’t seen or heard anything about their little Roman holiday until now – and then I realized that this is no longer 2007 and nobody cares. Oh well. Let us pretend!

The Glamorous Life of India’s First Couple (with-a-Portmanteau-Name)

ABHI: I don’t understand. What are these short, fat, ugly things? Are they edible?
ASH: Ha-ha, of course not! They’re people – common, little people. Eating them would mess up our organic diet.

ABHI: Astonishing! They’re everywhere. Walking upright.
ASH: Stop staring at them, you moron. They‘re supposed to stare at us!

ABHI: You know, it’s not cool for you to talk to me like that!
ASH: Yeah? Who’s gonna stop me? You and your baby pink shirt, flaming orange watch and that murse you clutch like a blankie? I don’t think so.

ABHI: When you talk like that you sound exactly like your ‘roid rage-y ex.
ASH: Yes, well, this scene was a lot more fun and interesting when Sanjay Leela Bhansali was directing and Ajay Devgan was in it.
ABHI: Huh?
ASH: Just wanted to throw that out there. Hey, do you have a white suit? I just remembered some fanfic we might want to try out.



Posted by on September 21, 2010 in Celebrity, Fiction, News


Tags: , , , ,

28 responses to “Yup, They’re Married

  1. shweta

    September 21, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    rofl. thank u for making a dreary day bright 🙂 AbhiAsh bashing is always fun. And all the nonchalant poses turn so non-nonchalant when we realize they must be completely aware of their pix were being taken 🙂

    • Amrita

      September 21, 2010 at 4:25 pm

      That sudden smile on her face as she looks directly towards the camera is kind of telling, I thought. 🙂

  2. bhel

    September 21, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Maybe I am dense, but I didn’t get the “crime pays” tag 🙂

  3. cinemachaat

    September 21, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    “Abhishek Bachchan, fortuitously the patron saint of robots in films” – Priceless! I really don’t loathe either of them but I do harbour a general dislike of the celebrity shopping or late sipping photo spreads. Temple

    • cinemachaat

      September 21, 2010 at 5:16 pm

      that should read latte sipping…

  4. Beth

    September 21, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    But if Bhansali were directing it, they’d have to be _pretending_ to be in Italy while earnestly ignoring all the Hungarian people stuff around them.

    I love his orange watch! Dashing! I also like that she’s wearing flat sandals like a normal person on holiday in a cobblestone-infected place. 🙂

    • sitaji

      September 23, 2010 at 3:23 pm

      LOL to the whole post and sepecially to this comment Beth-ji: “But if Bhansali were directing it, they’d have to be _pretending_ to be in Italy while earnestly ignoring all the Hungarian people stuff around them.”

  5. karrvakarela

    September 21, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    Thanks for sharing the Rajni clip!

  6. sophy

    September 21, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    If I saw them in New York, I’d recognize them maybe because of Abhishek. Aishwarya is commonplace (where I live) just prettier than most.

  7. Anishok

    September 22, 2010 at 3:15 am

    Thanks for making my morning 😀

  8. eclat

    September 22, 2010 at 3:26 am

    Call it what you will, I still think it’s quite sweet to see them like this. Stars! They’re just like us!

  9. DewdropDream

    September 22, 2010 at 5:08 am

    Priceless! Your captions never disappoint 😀

  10. sachita

    September 22, 2010 at 5:09 am

    Like what would make abhishek give up his pink shirt? and then what would make him give up the next thing he will take up and annoy us? is there any cure?

    I also like to add, i dont hate them like half the internet world does nor do i adore as the other half(atleast not ash:))

    • the mad momma

      October 19, 2010 at 1:49 am

      if you figure it out, let me know. i thought that ugly hairband and the greasy long hair was the last of his fashion disasters. clearly not

  11. munimma

    September 22, 2010 at 9:01 am

    Who is that guy with them? He is in 2 pics.

    So are they tired or mad at each other? I am in the middle ground here, neither gushing nor hating. Abhi can keep everything except that mini paunch.

  12. ramesh

    September 22, 2010 at 11:23 am

    ah excellent paparazzi work .. the two seem to don’t even know that they are being shot

  13. Veena

    September 22, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    funny…where’s Amar Singh though?
    Abhi and his mom seriously need a makeover.

  14. Am Bivalent!

    September 22, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    The title says it all, the pictures merely confirm it: The pleasure of pursuit is officially over. LOL. Or maybe this only happens when you “hitch” your wagon to a star (i.e. for real)?

    Seriously, juxtapose that last pic up here with the Waterloo train station one from Jhoom Barabar Jhoom to see what I mean. 😀

    • AB

      September 22, 2010 at 7:01 pm

      PS: Speaking of JBJ, one leaf these two might borrow from that playbook is how to infuse their relationship with some, um, textual satisfaction. (Hey, that’s important too!) I mean, you more than hint here that Ash could use some clamming up. (Clearly, she hasn’t learned much from hubby’s mistakes in Raavan — so much bak bak bak bak!) Grabbing a newspaper and a comic book and cooking up some anagrams should surely give these two the much-needed diversion from each other. (Says who? The relationship guru? Yeah right! Goo rue is more like it.) 😛

  15. memsaab

    September 22, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    I love these insights into your brain, dear 🙂

  16. pitu

    September 22, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    So PMSy! (She, not you)

  17. Broom

    September 23, 2010 at 9:28 am

    I know I shouldn’t care, but I always wonder what kind of marriage/relationship these two have.

  18. Amrita

    September 24, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Nothing like caption’d pap pics to bring the lurkers out, eh? 😀

    Bhel – obscure joke about bad movies funding luxury lives. There’s a lot of those on this here blog 😀

    Temple – I don’t hate either of them either. They just annoy me from time to time when they run around being all Ken and Barbie.

    Beth / eclat – it’s true! they’re very People Like US!

    Sitaji – good catch I thought 😀

    KK – came by it via Aspi!

    Sophy – girls always fit in better. fact.

    Anishok – lawl!

    3D / Memsaab – hee!

    Sachita – never has a man been more committed to being fashion forward about five minutes too late.

    Munimma – bodyguard, I bet. He can keep whatever he likes, including his movies.

    Ramesh – Paparazzi is an Italian word after all.

    Veena – AHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! Under the table, probably. Oh dude, you just cracked me up.

    AmBi – they kind of fit the idea I always had about these two as a couple: incredibly boring.

    Pitu – are you saying she’s bloated? 😀

    Broom – I think this is it: completely normal.

    • Ambivalent

      September 26, 2010 at 8:01 pm

      Hiya. Look at me dutifully stick to our theme of worms and holes (let’s blame Radhika!) this weekend, LOL! Check out this interesting article on falling into the “immersive retail” (or “shopping”, as us lowly mortals better call it) wormhole.

      Background: I was reading a short story by Heidi Julavits (as part of this postmodernism elective I’m taking; the funny-in-a-darkish-sorta-way story is titled “Marry the One Who Gets There First”, and it was first published in Esquire in 1998, incidentally the year I married “the one who got there first” LOL), so I looked her up and found myself staring at this article, in The Believer magazine (sounds to me a satirical rag like Onion, given it’s gloriously ungodly tag-line “Garbage” — you heard of it?).

      Foreground: I couched that article in the context of something *you* wrote two years back (when I’d only barely begun to read you), specifically this story that I’d somehow missed, until just now. Made me smile (and also fondly recollect that baggy jeans-and-tee episode that earned you D-looks from a douchebaggy schoolteacher)! 😀

      “Clothes were out as a possible means of extravagance because I never bought any for myself. Seriously. The only time I ever bought something for myself was when I was ten and fell desperately in love with a tremendously ugly purple polka dotted frock(!) that I was convinced was the ultimate in class and style. I still remember the look on my mother’s face when I held on to it for dear life and insisted she buy it for me. My brief and exciting foray into the world of shopping ended right there and then, and we went back to the tried and tested way: my dad and my aunts bought me clothes until I turned eighteen and ran away from home.”

      I especially loved how you closed it: “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.” Good for you!!

      • Amrita

        September 27, 2010 at 2:41 pm

        And that article is the perfect explanation of why I never buy anything from any of those stores mentioned.

        I’d forgotten about that post. Three months after I write it, it might as well have been written by someone else. 😀

        I’ll go look up The Believer now.

        • A

          September 27, 2010 at 5:38 pm

          “I’d forgotten about that post. Three months after I write it, it might as well have been written by someone else.” — Oh I hear you. Sometimes, I open my (TMI alert!lol) old diaries (i.e. the ones that survived the madras monsoon of ’96 that flooded my parents’ bedroom, bookshelf and all, overnight, forcing them to relocate to a bank-allocated third-floor quarters in a colony near Kalakshetra, while I was away in college) or look at scraps of paper with scribbles from a whole other time that I’d saved in a shoebox and go “do I know this yucky little girl?” Or occasionally, it would be “wow, this is wonderful! Who IS this lucky woman who writes so well?”

          Which is why it’s probably a good idea to fall into the wormhole that’s your own archives, every once in a while. You never know what bauble you’ll find that now blows your mind with its brilliance. Hey, Pound would be proud! 😀

        • A

          October 2, 2010 at 11:42 am

          PS: Hey, one more thing re the Miser Lee By Upbringing post of yours we talk about above… that’s a truly special one. You must bookmark it or something. Each time I read it, it reveals something new.

          Before we’re officially on da other side of da Veer/week/weak? that gave us Da Orange Denim (thanks go to Beth), here’s da para from your post that knocked my Orange Crocs right off my unpretty feet:

          I have this aunt who never uses any makeup but knew little kids love to play “Make Up” (ever had an adult who’d play that with you? It’s where you put make up on someone else’s face. Anything goes and improvisation is its bedrock. So if you’re missing some rouge, use lipstick instead! I bet that’s where they came up with the idea for those multi-use blush creams that you can use on practically every part of your face) so my aunt kept all the free stuff she got over the years from her sisters in a fascinating little cake tin that she stored behind the dressing table mirror. One of the joys of my childhood, and that of her son and several of my cousins, was to drag it out of its hiding place and paint her face with it. God, I love her! And if you ever come across a tube of bright orange lipstick manufactured circa 1975, apply some to your cheek and you’ll immediately understand all.

          It was a wistful reminder of that scene from Dev D where Dev allows Chanda to transform into little Leni, by letting her “clown” around with his face, using the paint brush. (Earlier, we’re Told, it’s Dev who’s the kid when he signals at the bar, with his pinky, that he needs to go do pee pee. Awww.. these two kids, playing with life like that!! warms my heart.)

          • A

            October 2, 2010 at 5:18 pm

            PPS: I’ll say one more thing and then must really run off to read “Postmodernist Fiction” (a collection of (way too academic for my taste coz the phrase “ontologies of fiction” features in it a lot) essays by Brian McHale, thru the lens of which we are supposed to filter Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse Five” for the Monday night group discussion, yikes!).

            Dammit, what is it that I wanted to say now?….hmmm… Got it! It’s that I followed links in the comments thread of the Jenna McCarthy interview from your “Cleanup Detail” and — not sure if this is what the evil you had secretly intended for us to stumble upon, but — whoa: Vintage covers of Playboy (featuring unretouched gorgeousness such as…such as…say, Marilyn Monroe! Heck, I’ve never seen HER naked before. Yay, I can check that one off my “NEVER” list now!) 😛

            Speaking of beauty unRetouched, whachya think of Marion Cotillard on the most recent cover of Vanity Fair? The fact that wowed me more though was, I am ONLY 22 days older than her (ah, the angles one comes up with to feel young again, eh?)! 😀

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