A Contralist

02 Jul

With encomiums ranging from “I believe M. Night can ruin the world” to “a hate crime against film lovers”, M. Night Shyamalan must be glad he doesn’t read reviews – even if mean journalists insist on reading them out to him for entertainment (mine if not yours, tenderheart!) reasons.

But no matter what they say, here are at least ten things they can’t blame him for:

10. He may serve up shit for your kids at the multiplex, but at least he never took a dump in their stockings!

9. He never sold a kid at Walmart. And if he had, he’d have charged a great deal more than $25.

8. He had absolutely nothing to do with Sex and the City 2: Harpies on Sand.

7. Mel Gibson being Mel Gibson.

6. The Great “Save Our In-Utero Lesbians” Panic of ’10. (Religious bigots take a second before commencing to fap, please.)

5. The oil spill.

4. He never wrote:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss–a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

Of course, if he had, he’d have won a prize for it. Congratulations, Molly Ringle!

3. Abhishek Bachchan’s performance in Raavan. It was the faulty editing, you know.

2. Stealing Coco’s job.

1. Aag.

Get some rest, M. Night! Raping eyes is hard work!


Posted by on July 2, 2010 in Celebrity, Entertainment, Newsmakers, Video


Tags: , , ,

2 responses to “A Contralist

  1. The End is Nigh(t)?

    July 2, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Perhaps, your straight-out-of-Physician’s-Handbook title is a “subtle” suggestion for Shyamalan to see his doctor asap? LOL. Poor guy. Yeah, I came upon Ebert’s review earlier, ripping this movie to shreds. The trailer doesn’t look all that bad, though I can see how 3-D might make matters worse in a movie like this. Sixth Sense is the only Night outing I caught on the big screen. So guess I’ll stick to my set ways of seeing most of his films on DVD.

    Btw, sweet of you to nod to a favorite professor of mine @4. 😀 Yeah, prof Rice rocks! And ditto for that contest of his. I’ve always fallen in love with its winning entries — you know I’m weird like that. (And is it just me or does “Molly Ringle” sound like a name somewhat at home in the Harry Potter universe? About Mel Gibson, omg REALLY?! I must be so behind on tinseltown trashtalkers and such.)

    • Amrita

      July 3, 2010 at 2:42 pm

      I went off him back when he went on the BBC and made like a drama queen about Soderbergh releasing one of his quirky little projects on pay per view as well as theaters. You’d have thought someone had asked him to sell him mother on ebay.

      Was Rice a prof of yours? 😀 That bio he wrote on that link alone makes me like him! I love stuff like that and the Bad Sex one.

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