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Daily Archives: July 2, 2010

A Contralist

With encomiums ranging from “I believe M. Night can ruin the world” to “a hate crime against film lovers”, M. Night Shyamalan must be glad he doesn’t read reviews – even if mean journalists insist on reading them out to him for entertainment (mine if not yours, tenderheart!) reasons.

But no matter what they say, here are at least ten things they can’t blame him for:

10. He may serve up shit for your kids at the multiplex, but at least he never took a dump in their stockings!

9. He never sold a kid at Walmart. And if he had, he’d have charged a great deal more than $25.

8. He had absolutely nothing to do with Sex and the City 2: Harpies on Sand.

7. Mel Gibson being Mel Gibson.

6. The Great “Save Our In-Utero Lesbians” Panic of ’10. (Religious bigots take a second before commencing to fap, please.)

5. The oil spill.

4. He never wrote:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss–a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

Of course, if he had, he’d have won a prize for it. Congratulations, Molly Ringle!

3. Abhishek Bachchan’s performance in Raavan. It was the faulty editing, you know.

2. Stealing Coco’s job.

1. Aag.

Get some rest, M. Night! Raping eyes is hard work!

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2010 in Celebrity, Entertainment, Newsmakers, Video

 

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