Kites: Cut Me

24 May
<i>Kites</i>: Cut Me

If you’ve ever seen a beautiful horse put through its paces and thought to yourself, “Hmmm, I wonder if you could do that with pretty people?” then boy, do you have a treat in store for you! It’s called Kites, a movie starring the extremely delicious Hrithik Roshan, directed by Anurag Basu (Murder, Gangster) and produced by Rakesh Roshan a.k.a. Papa Roshan a.k.a. The Only Man Alive Who Knows Exactly How to Use Hrithik to Best Effect.

In the first half hour: see Hrithik in pain! see Hrithik’s amazing green eyes! see Hrithik stagger! affectingly! see Hrithik charm! while chewing a matchstick (?)! see Hrithik dance! jaw-droppingly astoundingly! (Shahid Kapoor go home!) see Hrithik scared! cutely! see Hrithik scared! by a creepy feely Bad Man! see Hrithik fall in love! see Hrithik be a gentleman! see Hrithik swim! see Hrithik lounging on a yacht in a lifestyle ad of the kind made by tobacco companies who can’t advertise their cancerous product! see Hrithik underwater! see Hrithik con! effortlessly! see Hrithik smile! see Hrithik in formal wear! see Hrithik walk! And do all of this in slow motion and extreme close up. (The way you like it, don’t lie!)

About the only thing Hrithik doesn’t do a lot of, in fact, is talk. Which is not a bad thing as he’s supposed to be an Indian-American grifter in Las Vegas and let’s face it, that’s just a Salman Khan-comparison trap waiting to happen. I mean, that’s your heads-I-win-tails-you-lose scenario right there. When he does speak, he puts it to good use. “Honeymoon extra!” he says tantalizingly at one point. Jokes! Or have we finally gotten a Bollywood gigolo we can all get behind? Ahem. Metaphorically speaking, I mean.

Filling in the silence is a fair amount of muzak and voiceover as he explains his down-on-his-luck status and why he’s marrying random women for money to counter it. The movie uses the silences to great effect: the early Hrithik was notable (to me, anyway) for his dismaying dedication to the !Face! method of acting, in which he quivered facial muscles I don’t think science has yet discovered in order to convey emotions like “hello”. He’s largely gotten over it (his face probably went on strike after Yaadein. Or that under-disccused epic, Main Prem ki Deewani Hoon, whichever came later) and in the silence of Kites, his expressions are finally fighting in their own class.

In fact, I was honestly impressed to note that in this movie he actually manages to wipe his face of all expression in a scene or two, confining himself to a faint frown at the most. I know that sounds snarky, but I have seldom been more serious. “Wooden” is not his problem. I think we can safely chalk this up as another win under Papa Roshan’s unchallenged champion status as The Only Man Alive Who Knows Exactly How to Use Hrithik to Best Effect.

Now that we’re all in the same hormone frenzy, comes the next 100 minutes. In which J Ray (that’s right, Hrithik Roshan’s character got rejected from The Jersey Shore) and Linda (Barbara Mori), try to give the slip to the insane and insanely rich siblings Tony (Nicholas Brown) and Gina (Kangana Ranaut) after certain life-altering, event-complicating passions come to the fore. There are shadow puppets, car chases, explosions, slow motion montages galore, rain, sweet exchanges of love, touching backstories, make out sessions in the wild, promises of everlasting love in three languages, Yuri Suri and Kabir Bedi in effective cameos, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

You’ll either eat it all with a spoon and beg for seconds, or you’ll sit there for the last half hour bothering the person in the next seat by jiggling your legs, fidgeting in your seat, breathing heavily, checking the time, sighing loudly, and generally acting the nuisance until an annoyed auntie with tears streaming down her face and samosas on her breath turns around and tells you to shush.

But if you do decide to check it out, take my word for it and please do it in the theater. Kites is one of the most visually pleasing movies I’ve ever seen and only half the credit for that goes to Hrithik Roshan. The other half is all on the excellent camera crew, which includes directors of photography Ayananka Bose, Steve Koster and Jacques Haitkin. So if you’re planning to catch this on DVD, throw it a bone and watch it on the big screen: even if you walk out hating the movie, you’ll have had the full-screen experience.

So pretty!


Posted by on May 24, 2010 in Entertainment, Movies, Review, Video


Tags: , , , , ,

15 responses to “Kites: Cut Me

  1. pitu

    May 24, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    Ohh I lapped it up and begggggggggged for seconds and did exactly all the things you mentioned. But instead of having an aunty reprimand me, I had an aunty seated behind me (with her kids no less) who HOOTED every time Hrithik had a closeup/smiled/danced/kissed.. basically all the time. It was a very estrogen laden theater shall we say, and a very dazed group of people staggered out the theater clutching their pounding hearts ;D HEHE!

  2. bollyviewer

    May 24, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Oh my estrogen is up, just reading your post! I dont know if I can live long enough to get to the nearest theatre to watch. Is it just me or are Hrithik’s skin-pores a whole lot more umm… photogenic than that of other actors? 😀

    By the way, the horse analogy has been used in the context of Hrithik before – my sister claims that his flaring nostrils are very horse-y!

  3. sachita

    May 24, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    was going to ask about your review?

    I had a bad feeling about this movie from the trailer but even I a non-hritik fan and some one who doesnt really absorb dance well was amazed by his steps… Infact, was about to head to the theater but then the vibe from trailer stopped me. Had expectations of Anurag Basu though – coherent and interesting enough director for me.

    ps: I see the mention of bose in every review. His wife was my high school friend( was close then) … I know it sounds like a cheap shot I mean i dont know that guy at all but still it gives me thrills. – alpam, I agree:)

  4. Dee

    May 25, 2010 at 1:29 am

    YES! Finally someone acknowledges the epic-ness of Main Prem Ki Deewani Hoon!
    Sigh! They don’t make ’em like that any more (morose shake of head)

  5. memsaab

    May 25, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    You have exactly described why I’ve never liked Hrithik as an actor, and why I liked him in this. He was much more subdued and it made him seem more real—but I honestly would give credit for that to Anurag Basu not Papa Roshan 🙂 And he’s never looked better either: I felt hypnotized at about an hour in by all the lingering close-ups.

    While I wasn’t quite the tear-stained aunty, I did find the romance very sweet and the action mostly eye-popping (in a good way), and I liked it a lot. Def. should be seen on the big screen too, it’s all gorgeous.

  6. M

    May 25, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    Someone needs to use that last picture to make a set of Jesus Christ prints – you know the ones hanging all over every convent school in India – Jesus in blue robes with children clustered at his knee?

    LOVE your !Face! method of acting – that describes his usual style SO well!

    • pitu

      May 25, 2010 at 4:34 pm

      M, don’t you think Amrita shd start an acting school? I can imagine her walking around with these huge rulers announcing “Today we study !Face! acting. Tomorrow we refine !Bitchface! expressions”. I’d enroll! “mrgreen”

  7. le embrouille blogueur

    May 26, 2010 at 10:07 am

    Have been reading so many reviews about this movie and have to admit none of them come even a mile close to yours. Yours is an anthem to HR and HR and HR only !! Loved the way you put the words … see H do this … see H do that !! May I add … SEE all the guys seething in envy as their girlfriends/boyfriends go …ooh and aah. Good stuff !!

  8. Gigi

    May 26, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Did you like it though?

  9. Amrita

    May 26, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    @ Pitu – Ahahahah! I can imagine!

    @ BV – take a friend! And buy munchies for the ride. You will enjoy a lot of it, I promise! 😀
    And he gives his nostrils a rest for the most part actually. Basu lights up his eyes and keeps the angle such that the nose remains in place and doesn’t take on a life of its own. I approve!

    @ Sachita – what, he’s a man? I thought with a name like that he was a girl. Oh well.
    I got the disaster vibe from the trailers as well and was planning to give it a miss till I heard Memsaab loved it. So thank her for it.

    @ Dee – Dude! That movie! It frightened the Barjatyas into making extended wedding videos like Vivaah and Ek Vivaah Aisa Bhi (lol!) but I can’t wait for Sooraj B to get all modern again. I’m hoping for a wholesome version of Jaanbaaz.

    @ Memsaab – I know you loved it! Barbara Mori kind of ruined the romance for me. She’s very pretty but she simply isn’t in the same class of pretty as Hrithik so every time the camera invited us to linger over the two of them as opposed to him alone, I really didn’t care for it. I thought Kangana was way better. And you have a point about Basu.

    @ M – attendance at church will be UP! 😀

    @ Leb – he is definitely the most important part of the movie. He doesn’t star in it as much as infuse it.

    @ Gigi – I liked the eye candy! If they want to turn the whole movie into a showreel for Hrithik, then I’ll buy the DVD. :mrgreen:

  10. Kyte

    May 26, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    Wow. Of the 8 paras in here, the first 5 are ENTIRELY “H this” “H that” (not that I’m complaining!). 😀

    Then comes para 6, with brief mentions of the love interest and other extras. (Speaking of love interest, you and da bro seem to disagree on her name. Is she Linda or Natasha? For a second there I thought Natasha was the result of an α-ville hangover, but some other review referred to her as Natasha as well, so it’s probably just you not digging Mori enough to care if they called her one or the other. Right?)

    Para 7 = wildly inventive description of TWO distinct “Kites” camps in the theater, both “overseen” by adulating aunties (fidgety camp surely feeling like they gatecrashed a girlscouts outing).

    Para 8: Well well. “please do it in the theater” ??? All I can say is, I’ll try and remember that!! 😀

    Now do add me to the fanclub girlie, kyonki main bhi Prem ki Deewani Hoon (under-discussed epic is exactly right) – hey, didn’t we already confess to this two summers ago, over at Ramsu’s? Nevah enough.

    And just to kick your mustang madness into overdrive, here is a favorite song from the 70s that sums up what it’s like to, well, put a beautiful horse thru its paces! (Its name likely throws light on the matchstick chewing by A. Or is it J? Oh I’ve lost track since Dhoom 2. Talking of “track”, D2 had a train running thru a desert too. Think the movie opens with that scene, with Hrithik posing as the Queen.)

  11. Katyayni

    May 27, 2010 at 11:29 am

    Amrita… I love your reviews and well, the only reason I went to see this movie was because of your review (yeah, the trailer did spell disaster to me too!) and man, what a ride it was indeed!
    The vision of Hrithik limping on the train track and the dance and… well, whatever Amrita wrote!
    Oh, and the romance was really sweet. (ok, I am recently in love, so… well, you know, it kinda did something to my mush filled heart!).
    Kabir Bedi should have gone after the girl, he would have been great as the vengeance seeking jilted older man!
    Rest was all good… so good that my mom (yeah, Mom has this secret pact with me that Hrithik movie we both watch together. It started with Kaho Na Pyaar Hai) was clutching my hands as her hormones too vibrated at the site of Hrithik do all that he did!!! Yummy I say!
    Eye candy and HOW! WOW!!

  12. Amrita

    May 28, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    @ Kyte – it’s a fair representation of the movie 😀

    @ Katyayani – so glad you had a fun time! My mom and I watch things like that all the time and its trippy as hell so I can relate!

  13. sangeetha

    June 20, 2010 at 5:27 am

    interesting as i read through the comments…but i really never liked hrithik except in kaho na…always thought he was too gay. maybe because like amrita said, he’s so pretty for a man. as for kites, at the end of the excruciatingly long mexican/english/hindi – confused movie, i couldnt help but think: gosh they went through all that shit only to end up dead?? and especially after that scene where after she gets shot in the arm and she snuggles up to H in the middle of some mountains and sensing his fear for her condition, lovingly tells him in her heavily-accented english:dont worry, i no die..we make-a babies!
    im a stickler for bollywood romantic happy endings, however far fetched or unbelieveable it may seem. i understand tragic epic romances which are real tear-jerkers. but kites was definitely not one of them.

  14. sangeetha

    June 20, 2010 at 5:29 am

    oh n amri….yes i finally found my way into your blog! 🙂

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