Alpha, Beta, Kama

06 May
Alpha, Beta, Kama

The major fun of Khanna-o-Rama for me is that I get to trawl through tons of Khannatastic pics and videos. And when I do, I always wonder: who did it better? My kneejerk response is “Vinod!” but the Khannas play on such different fields (mostly), I thought that was unfair. Here then, is a chance to compare and contrast.

All dodgy mathematics are my own.


Alpha: Man ka Meet (1968)

The Huh: All I know is that IMDB says this is the movie in which Vinod made his debut. (+0)
The Yay: Look at the cool stuff going on with that song! A very young Leena Chandravarkar with oblivious musicians in a fez hat in the middle of a tastefully appointed dancing hall with a lady bartender. (+10)
The Nay: Som Dutt is the hero and not a glimpse of Vinod in sight. Boo! (-1)
Total: 9

Beta: Himalaya Putra (1997)

The Huh: Uh. Stuff? (-10)
The Yay: “I’m a bachelor, I’m alone and I’m sick. I want a girl who says she loves me. With black eyes and swear words on her lips, that’s the kind of girl I can’t wait to meet,” Warbled the snaggletoothed Akshaye. Could Jane Austen come up with words this immortal? I think NOT. (+200)
The Nay: Anjala Zaveri (remember her?) is just blah. But she gets Akshaye in a swimsuit! (-10 + 10)
Total: 190

Kama: Earth (1998)

The Huh: Religious strife is bad. As is stealing Aamir Khan’s girl after killing all the women in his family (+10)
The Yay: He’s sort of charming in a mute way. (+1)
The Nay: Did I mention the mute part? (-10)
Total: 1

Selling Soap

Alpha: Running with horse

The Huh: He’s a beast. Rawr! (+10)
The Yay: Look at him leaping through the waves, bursting with virility, his wild mane giving that horse an inferiority complex, expending the hotness so he doesn’t set his tux on fire. (+100)
The Nay: Comments on Youtube – “Vinod Khanna runs like LION”; “Nowadays it would be considered gay.”  (-1000 to Youtube commenters)
Total: 110

Beta: I’m Better than That

The Huh: Akshaye Khanna is an artiste. He doesn’t do ads. He does PSAs. On film. (+10)
The Yay: He got Upen Patel off the screen. (+20)
The Nay: It’s still 36 China Town (-100)
Total: -70

Kama: Soothing Muppets

The Huh: He’s a good daddy to an adorable little booboo. Aww! (+10)
The Yay: My ovaries! (+200)
The Nay: Will he know what to do with my ovaries? This has always been my sticking point with Kama Khanna (-10)
Total: 200

The Pain

Alpha: This is How We Do It

The Huh: If you haven’t seen Achanak and are spoiler averse, don’t play the above video (+0)
The Yay: He goes from lighthearted to heartbreaking in two seconds flat (+20)
The Nay: Where did the happy go? (+10)
Total: 30

Beta: Sure, I’ll Give it a Shot

The Huh: He screwed up. (-10)
The Yay: Awww, look at that sweet little face. It says, “Love me”. (+20)
The Nay: He’s a heartbroken rollerskater (-10)
Total: 0

Kama: Why You No Love Me?

The Huh: Never date any of these people. (-10)
The Yay: He’s cute when he cries (+5)
The Nay: How many times did I want to slap him upside the head? (-50)
Total: -55

Bring the Sexy

Alpha: Slurpee

The Huh: Nayakan in Hindi. (+0)
The Yay: He’s old, he’s saggy, he’s clearly past the glory days of his swim trunks. But the man can sell it. Way better than his kids too. (+20)
The Nay: From the discerning Youtube commenter – “Babajee, kuch bhagwan ka khauf karo.” Um. I want to hate on him but he’s got a point. Mads is, like, painfully young in that flick. (-10)
Total: 10

Beta: I Want My Mommy!

The Huh: A half-baked remake of Send Me No Flowers. Like Rock Hudson hadn’t suffered enough. (-150)
The Yay: This clip is fairly representative of the genius of this film. Watching Mallika and Akshaye together is like the most fascinating of trainwrecks. (+50)
The Nay: Not even snark can carry you over half an hour of this movie. (-100)
Total: -200

Kama: I Take Suggestions

The Huh: People in ancient times liked to have sex too. (+10)
The Yay: You just knew he’d be a sensitive lover. (+20)
The Nay: Aamir looks like he’d be better. (-10)
Total: 20

[Thanks to Roswitha for the title :mrgreen:]

[pic via]


Posted by on May 6, 2010 in Celebrity, Entertainment, Movies, Video


Tags: , , , , , , ,

10 responses to “Alpha, Beta, Kama

  1. Beth

    May 6, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    Yes, but have you seen Akshaye’s Cinthol ad! Ironic heaven!

  2. Ness

    May 6, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    This may just be my favourite Khannaorama post so far. Because I like the Khannas, AND I like maths.

  3. charukesi

    May 7, 2010 at 12:32 am

    Am, you have way too much time on your hands (or have you heard that already?). that said, the junior Khannas do not come even close to papa Khanna’s yumminess. we could have had two yummy Khannas to carry on the glory – sad, but it is that way with the world – I mean, have you *seen* the junior Amjad Ali Khans? and may as well tell you, I was recently drooling over Imran Khan (Cinthol? cricket?) and someone thought I was talking about the baccha AK’s nephew. bleh!

  4. bollywoodeewana

    May 7, 2010 at 2:22 am

    Lovely Post, i’ve read numerous articles that have cited Man Ka Meet as vinod’s debut so i guess Imdb is right. i loved that vid of Mallika you posted, i shall start quoting ‘Ek Raw sex appeal hai’ as my chat up line now

  5. Veena

    May 7, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Total eye feast this Khanna-o-Rama . Couldn’t keep up with your math though. The alpha wins, right? Right?

  6. Amrita

    May 8, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Beth – NO! Tell me!

    Ness – yes, but really, you like the Khannas 😀

    Charukesi – oh, I’ve only heard that a time or two 😀
    So I’m not the only one who finds Amjad Ali Khan suspiciously scrumptious? Come to my arms, fellow friend of dubious taste!

    BDeewana – hee hee hee! Whoever wrote those lines needs an award of some sort. You should check out some of her other lines in the movie.

    Veena – holy hell! I forgot all about the math! :mrgreen: Um, yes? I think so? He should at all events!

  7. sitaji

    May 11, 2010 at 12:09 am

    I LOVE your math! LOL, this was bad for me to read before bed, because it was so funny that now I’m too alert. 🙂

    • sitaji

      May 11, 2010 at 12:21 am

      p.s. in the “Earth 1947” clip, Rahul should (since I’m an armchair director) have tugged on Nadita’s hair more passionately, for +100 points.

  8. le embrouille blogueur

    May 12, 2010 at 1:14 am

    Khanna Khaandaan …awesome collection …I still remember the shady theatre that I watched Himalayaputra .. !! Loved the post !!

  9. Amrita

    May 13, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Sitaji – if he’d done that I’d have no doubts that he’d know what to do with my ovaries if he ever bumped into them on a dark and lonely road 😀

    LEB – hahah, you saw it in the theater? You’re definitely a Khanna devotee!

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