What on earth? A “genital cosmetic colorant”? This is a thing?
I guess it’ll go great with my fake boobs, my pasted on eyelashes, my hand-drawn eyebrows, my collagen-pufffed lips, my made-to-order “just like that of my favorite celebrity” nose, my lipo’d thighs, my chemically peeled butt (to remove cellulite, duh!), etc. And then maybe I too can look like this! I’ll be my very own robot! Beat that, Japanese scientists!
However, it’s an ill wind that blows no good and thus we can thank “My Pink Button” for this post:
The kit contains 20 of the cheapest eye shadow applicators you will ever see, the kind where the foam is kind of wonkily glued on to the plastic stem. Also included is a small vial of pink powder, helpfully labeled “Marilyn.” I chose this shade because I felt like my vagina could most identify with her: pill-popping, confused, and crammed into small garments…I put the product on and let it sit as the instructions advised. Things were okay for a few seconds, and then…THE BURNING! I have certainly felt worse, but it was very noticeable. The instructions assure me that this burning is “due to the ingredients reacting to your bodies own PH balance which is normal and will go away upon rinsing off the colorant.”
Hmm. You know, I’ve never felt any kind of burning in that area and don’t really feel the need to start now. Pass!
I was going to laugh until I remembered this scene from a Jilly Cooper novel in which the woman actually tries something similar. So apparently this is a real fear that women have? I’m beginning to wonder if someone’s going to show up on my doorstep and ask me to turn in my female card on grounds of insufficient body image issues.