The Last Great Indian Hero

30 Nov

… is Fabio. :mrgreen:

Salman Khan in leather pants fighting off ermine cape-wearing Englishmen led by that noted angrez Jackie Shroff by using his “dadda ki talwar“? Mithun Chakraborty in ill-fitting ornate Viking gear? Romancing an English miss in Victorian England (where everybody dresses like they’re Amish) dressed like a 19th century American cowboy with Mr. T‘s taste in bling?

Oh, happy Monday! Are we looking at this generation’s Mard? Going by Neena Gupta’s WTF expression: probably! And well, it is directed by the man who made that other historical epic of our times i.e. Gadar. But the final test as always will be whether the evil English run a blood distillery or make Sohail Khan grind wheat for all of India by himself.

A Cunning Disguise! London was full of men dressed like this in 1875

Englishman One: “My deah, sherry is so passe. Try some of this Rajasthani khoon as the natives call it. 1875 – a vintage yeah.”

Englishman Two: “Thank you, old chap! It goes remahkably well with these biscuits made with native flouh.”

Englishman One: “Haw haw haw. Native flour! Because we ground down the native as well as the wheat. Jolly well said, sir, jolly well said!”

Englishman Two: “Haw haw haw.”

This is going to be epic.

[Watch the Veer trailer here because Eros in its corporate wisdom has apparently decided that the correct way to publicize their movies is to hoard the trailer.]

Fabio this, bitches!


Posted by on November 30, 2009 in Entertainment, Movies, News, Video


26 responses to “The Last Great Indian Hero

  1. memsaab

    November 30, 2009 at 11:48 am

    Seriously, this cannot possibly go wrong.

  2. pitu

    November 30, 2009 at 12:02 pm

    LOL my friend S’s chacha is producing this movie. Teehee, S’s mom spent 2 months vacay in India and she spent a lot of time watching the shoot. If I lived in India, I’d have gotten premiere passes :mrgreen: Of course, I told the whole famly it sounds like a fabulous movie! Very desi Gladiator like. No way am I going to review this on my blog ;D

  3. Nita

    November 30, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    OMG, this makes me quake!!!! Or perhaps, maybe we should treat this as a comedy.

  4. Zahra

    November 30, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    Whoops! Just saw the trailer on Youtube…..”Bound by love, lost in history”…indeed. If the trailer’s anything to go by, it should’ve probably stayed lost too.

    And since when did Indian warriors start sporting gladiator-esque outfits? Of course a greatcoat and hat is more than enough to disguise your Indian-ness in 1875…..but not the bare chest. Hmmm…

    Gimme Kerala Varma Pazhassi Raja anyday 🙂

  5. abhishek

    November 30, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    I don’t think clean shaven chest were the order of the day in 1875. Men used to take pride in being hairy.

    This movie can’t possibly go right.

  6. maxdavinci

    November 30, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    Two movies come to my mind first being the Arya babbar & Amrita Rao starrer – ‘Ab ke Baras’. Second being the newer desi gladiator/300 strarring chiranjeevi ka beta Charan – ‘Maghadheera’

    Both were set in the present and the leads were reborn because their love story was left unfinished pichle janam mein..

    The former was pathetic, but he latter was brilliant in the second half sequences atleast.

    I still don’t get this obsession with punar-janam and Veer seems to be going the same way…

    • sachita

      November 30, 2009 at 4:16 pm

      oso was one, no?

      Amrita: this one isnt ur long lost sibling, he should be your guru!:) Baap ka Baap Grand Baap.

  7. ramesh

    November 30, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    haha .. seriously did they catch hold of some doped out atomic scientist to do the costume design for this film??

  8. sachita

    November 30, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    u didnt watch D3? – how r u going to explain this to the theatre gods?

    like these costumes:) not really sure what the connection to their story line is and i havent watched a salman movie in a long time but from the last ones i saw years ago, there has never been a connection for you to get offended by this one.
    ps: as they say in tamil, in a salman khan movie etha ellam sagjam:)

  9. Amey

    November 30, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    If “Dharam Veer ki Jodi” can ride their horses on modern roads with electricity wires, I think we can excuse this movie to make half the anachronisms, right?

    That “Bound by love…” and those costumes, it looks like Lagaan was trampled by Dharam Veer.

    • pitu

      November 30, 2009 at 6:45 pm

      There was ELECTRICITY in DharamVeer? *faints*

      • Amey

        November 30, 2009 at 10:24 pm

        No, but I remember seeing some poles in the distant background during one song. You have to look for them I guess, but then, people like us do look out for such things 😉

        • Beth

          December 2, 2009 at 10:32 am

          Does Dharam-Veer actually ever state when it’s supposed to be set, so to speak? I really hope it doesn’t – one of the things I like most about it is the joyful jumble of everything gladiatorial and Elizabethan, and I would hate to have an actual reason to find any of them out of place 🙂

  10. MP

    December 1, 2009 at 12:26 am

    The Veer promo plays ever so often on desi TV and has become *the* guilty pleasure of the day…
    Seems almost as cringe-worthy as Mard though the heroine looks anemic – not Amritha Singh material at all….another “period epic” Kisna comes to mind though when I see her so I’ll wait for reviews before I spend my hard-earned recession-era money.

    Magadheera was an awesome punarjanam + Rajasthani warriors speaking perfect Telugu “epic” – we totally enjoyed the whole movie: dances, sets, sword fights and all….esp since we watched it in a Hyderabad theater with confetti flying into the air every few minutes, teen maar dances in the audience and a whole lot of whistling 🙂
    I’m now back to my dreary US existence but will store away those memories for cold wintry days 🙂

  11. Piyush

    December 1, 2009 at 3:05 am

    This looks horrible but Salman Khan fans will gobble it up. Was Gadar really the biggest blockbuster “ever” as advertised in the trailer?? I remember watching it a long time ago and it was decent at best.

    The trailer reminds me of Asoka but the only difference is that Asoka was a great movie. Santosh Sivan needs to direct another period film soon.

  12. An Akron-ism

    December 1, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    Ha, so this is where the rubber meets the road, eh? Go Ohio! 😀

    Jeez! Be it in real life or reel life, why do folks find it fashionable NOT to leave history alone? So much so, history from way way back when (as in past lives even, as max points out) is dragged into the present melee, as if is janam ki ‘drama in real life’ is lacking in some sense and can’t be mined for muse.

    And guess what? It’s all your fault, Amrita! Didn’t you exclaim, “I’m all for the marriage of art, history and politics. An intellectual menage a trois!” in your op-ed last year? 😛 (BTW, riotous read that Ajab Aurang Ki Gazeb Kahani and its real-life implications, particularly in current-day-and-age Chennai. I had no freakin’ idea! Atrociously childish, I agree, the whole ‘wrecking vengeance on’ or ‘closing down of’ present-day monuments/artifacts, thanks to memory-flash en masse of evils perpetrated by their architect, centuries ago. Oh Gawd!)

    See? Someone from Bollywood was listening in, but before that well-meaning power that be could orchestrate “a healthy debate among the right thinking people” (in the form of script-discussion sessions to germinate your general idea) “it seems to me all the wrong thinking people jumped in feet first with fists flying,” and voila, Veer was born! You said it. 😛

  13. Srinivas

    December 2, 2009 at 3:55 am

    Just think of all the money his personal-chest-shaver must have made. He is surely laughing all the way to the bank 😉

  14. Beth

    December 2, 2009 at 10:33 am

    “Are we looking at this generation’s Mard?” If there’s any kind of Helen above, then YES.

  15. Amrita

    December 2, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    Memsaab – right? How could it possibly? I especially like the girls in pastel flamenco dresses.

    Pitu – Do not worry. This is one movie I wouldn’t miss for the world!

    Nita – it is going to be one of those dramedies 😀

    Zahra – LOL!!! The armor would have been bearable if only it fit!!!

    Abhishek – poor Salman’s got a weave on his head, what on earth can he do for his chest? A little bit of understanding please!

    Max – The truly awesome part of this movie is that it doesn’t appear to be punarjanam :mrgreen: It’s a “historical” 😀
    I want to watch Magadheera very badly. But I can’t find a copy with eng subtitles and since Mininova is now a dodo, I need to find an acceptable source where I can find it. I saw Arundhati late last week and I’ve been trying to write it up for three days now – but I loved it so much I dont know where to begin!

    Ramesh – I think they just went to the local theater company and rented whatever they could find 😀

    Sachita – have a little pity! But since you brought it up, I’ll have a little something for you later in the week. Shiver in your shoes 😛

    Amey – hahaha, I knew this was a “historical” the moment I saw that guy from Lagaan and Junoon riding into battle in the first 30 secs of the trailer. If only they went full Dharam Veer and made the guys walk around in micro minis.

    Beth – Dharam Veer was set in “history”, back when “stuff” took place. 😀 And while this movie looks to be sadly Helen free, it does have a knockoff Katrina. How many Katrinas = 1 Helen? We need a formal exchange rate!

    MP – I’ve never been so sad that I don’t speak Telugu. 😦 I want to see too! (Also, Kisna – LOLapalooza! Oh man, if Veer comes out and all the reviews compare it to Kisna, my life will be made.)

    Piyush – I think there is something wrong with us two because you’re like the only other person I’ve met who likes Asoka. I thought it was freakin gorgeous. Yes, the script was painfully lame at times but I think that was a clever idea gone wrong. And yes, Sivan needs to make more movies. And stop his brother from making them.

    An Akron-ism – you know, I’ve done some fairly evil things in my time, but this is too much!!! I object, your honor! Vehemently! 😛

    Srinivas – EWWWWWWWWWWWW. I’m not thinking of it, thanks. 😀

    • pitu

      December 2, 2009 at 5:24 pm

      Hey, I lOVE Asoka! It has so much bare-chested SRK, how could I not lub it? Pliz add me to the club 😀

  16. DewdropDream

    December 3, 2009 at 5:49 am

    I loved Asoka too, it was … a visual treat! And a treat to the ears 😀 I do wish Santosh Sivan would make another period movie.

  17. Beth

    December 3, 2009 at 10:54 am

    I am firmly of the mind that NO amount of Katrinas will equal Helen – you can’t divide by 0.

  18. Amey

    December 3, 2009 at 11:13 am

    Guys in micro-minis? Isn’t Salman without shirt enough for you? Isn’t there a scientific paper out there which says 40% body exposure is the best, and less or more is worse?

    HAHA about Dharam Veer was set in “history”. And given how people are going about it, I think I need to finally see Ashoka. BTW, if Lagaan, Kisna and the recent epidsode of Aahat has taught me anything, it is that British-Indian love stories are doomed.

  19. An Akron-ism

    December 3, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    Yesterday, it was just the three of you, and I was reminded of that JKJ short story Ramsu had raved about. Today, clearly, things have changed (with 3D and possibly Amey jumping on board), and A Bigger Boat is urgently needed. 😛

    My gawd, Ashoka was such a torture. It’s probably the only Hindi movie I watched in 30 mins, taking my finger off the FF button only for the songs (usually it’s the other way round). I simply couldn’t see SRK in that role, not to mention Ajith as Hindi film villain — gimme an effing break! 😀

    No more period show-pieces from Bollywood for me; I’d much rather endure a film that “shows” someone’s (close your eyes for this, Ramsu) period, cue: Caramel.

    • Amey

      December 3, 2009 at 4:22 pm

      Oh, I am not jumping on any board (or boat for that matter). I haven’t watched that movie yet, I just want to see why so many people are talking about it.

      • Amrita

        December 5, 2009 at 1:51 pm

        It’s actually a pretty lame script. They were going for a very specific kind of post-modernist humor in it and they completely missed the boat. But it’s so pretty!

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