If they were in prison, what Life just did to People Magazine and its much vaunted “Sexiest Man Alive” issue would be called a shanking.
I love Johnny Depp just as much as the next person but I’ve noticed that for some reason People consistently uses the worst possible, airbrushed to hell and back, photoshopped into alienhood, unflattering photos for their SMA covers. And the Depp cover this year is no different. I don’t know what the hell was going on when he took that pic or what the editors were thinking when they chose it, but if I crawled into bed one night and discovered that waiting under the covers for me, “sex” is the last thing I’d be thinking about.
More like “911”, “serial killer”, “M. Night Shyamalan was a prophet”, and the Hanuman Chalisa (which would be truly amazing because I never bothered to learn).
And then there’s the Life series about the sexiest men who used to be, built around all those amazing photographs from back in the day.
Will you just look at that man! Can you imagine a single person on People‘s list who could carry that off? And that’s leaving aside the fact that rounding out the top ten sexiest men this year according to them are:
02. Ryan Reynolds
03. Jake Gyllenhaal
04. Bradley Cooper
05. Robert Downey Jr.
06. David Beckham
07. Gilles Marini
08. The Glee Guys (Cory Monteith, Matthew Morrison, Mark Salling)
09. Nick Cannon
10. Adam Lambert
Ha. Ha ha. Gilles Marini looks like he might have an outside chance but can you imagine the reaction if someone wrote of him:
“Here he comes, the most overwhelming Frenchman this side of Charles de Gaulle, riding into the U.S. to devastate feminine hearts…. His specialty is playing boudoir heels, and he intrigues women off-camera as well as on with a withering arrogance.”
as they once did for Alain Delon? And you can hear the howls of laughter if somebody decided to write:
“He is the patron saint of the cult of the body: the almost mystical belief that we have the power to overcome adversity if only we submit to the right combinations of exercise, diet, meditation and weight training; that by force of will, we can sculpt ourselves into demigods.”
of Ryan Reynolds’ admittedly ripped body unlike that beautiful, beautiful man, Bruce Lee.
Part of it is because we’re a much more cynical lot as an audience, less likely by the day to let such sweeping worship wash over us. But the kind of man meat on display sure has a hell of a lot to do with it too.