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Is it Hot in Here?

20 Nov

HAYSOOS!

If they were in prison, what Life just did to People Magazine and its much vaunted “Sexiest Man Alive” issue would be called a shanking.

Do. Not. Want.

I love Johnny Depp just as much as the next person but I’ve noticed that for some reason People consistently uses the worst possible, airbrushed to hell and back, photoshopped into alienhood, unflattering photos for their SMA covers. And the Depp cover this year is no different. I don’t know what the hell was going on when he took that pic or what the editors were thinking when they chose it, but if I crawled into bed one night and discovered that waiting under the covers for me, “sex” is the last thing I’d be thinking about.

More like “911”, “serial killer”, “M. Night Shyamalan was a prophet”, and the Hanuman Chalisa (which would be truly amazing because I never bothered to learn).

And then there’s the Life series about the sexiest men who used to be, built around all those amazing photographs from back in the day.

Will you just look at that man! Can you imagine a single person on People‘s list who could carry that off? And that’s leaving aside the fact that rounding out the top ten sexiest men this year according to them are:

02. Ryan Reynolds
03. Jake Gyllenhaal
04. Bradley Cooper
05. Robert Downey Jr.
06. David Beckham
07. Gilles Marini
08. The Glee Guys (Cory Monteith, Matthew Morrison, Mark Salling)
09. Nick Cannon
10. Adam Lambert

Ha. Ha ha. Gilles Marini looks like he might have an outside chance but can you imagine the reaction if someone wrote of him:

“Here he comes, the most overwhelming Frenchman this side of Charles de Gaulle, riding into the U.S. to devastate feminine hearts…. His specialty is playing boudoir heels, and he intrigues women off-camera as well as on with a withering arrogance.”

as they once did for Alain Delon? And you can hear the howls of laughter if somebody decided to write:

“He is the patron saint of the cult of the body: the almost mystical belief that we have the power to overcome adversity if only we submit to the right combinations of exercise, diet, meditation and weight training; that by force of will, we can sculpt ourselves into demigods.”

of Ryan Reynolds’ admittedly ripped body unlike that beautiful, beautiful man, Bruce Lee.

Part of it is because we’re a much more cynical lot as an audience, less likely by the day to let such sweeping worship wash over us. But the kind of man meat on display sure has a hell of a lot to do with it too.

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12 Comments

Posted by on November 20, 2009 in Celebrity, Entertainment

 

12 responses to “Is it Hot in Here?

  1. Keen for McQueen

    November 20, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    You’re too right… McQueen’s a sexy beast or what? And all we get these days are the pure evils perpetrated by those two P’s: Photoshop and Plastic surgery. Sure makes you long to relish what’s real.

     
  2. fromherewegosublime

    November 20, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    umm where is George Clooney on that list?? Also Adam Lambert shouldnt be anywhere close to the Top 10.

     
  3. pitu

    November 20, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    They’re all losers. Gimme a guy from ye olden times any ole day. My heart beats for Gregory Peck (ooooooh!), Clark Gable (yummy!), Paul Newman, John Travolta (swing that tush, baby 😉 and Paul McCartney. Bas. And from the newer lot (new being relative of course) SRK! :mrgreen: The pics in that Life slideshow are awesome! But the Sinatra pic is really quite unfortunate. Ew.

     
  4. Nita

    November 21, 2009 at 12:36 am

    I love Johnny Depp. Right now he is my favourite actor and the mention of him makes my heart beat faster! 🙂 In fact I love every photo of him. I think he’s looking smashing in that photo! 🙂

     
  5. bollyviewer

    November 21, 2009 at 2:31 am

    They put Steve McQueen in shorts (knobbly knees and all!) and Connery in a shirt and pant?! WTH!!!

    Plus, they’ve got the worst pictures EVER of Gregory Peck and Robert Redford, AND included Sinatra in a sexiest men’s list (I love the guy, but sexy? really?!).

    Nope, the Life series is as much of a mixed bag as People‘s list seems to be – I mean, where is Clooney?

     
  6. ramesh

    November 21, 2009 at 6:28 am

    the woman with McQueen seems to be wearing .. horn rimmed glasses!!!

     
  7. divz

    November 21, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    u r correct. the mag cover saying ‘sexiest man alive’ has a decent close up of depp’s face;
    imagine what/how would the pic be, had the title been ‘sexiest woman alive’…

    bleddy sexists 😛

     
  8. pitu

    November 21, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    Ams, pliz to review ‘Kurbaan’. Have u read Khalid Mohammed’s review?? OMG so juvenile! 😀

     
  9. DewdropDream

    November 22, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    HAHA!!! Oh god, in that line up of covers, Brad Pitt looks very like a blue eyed goat that’s on drugs. And Denzel Washington’s head has been noticeably distanced from his neck. People magazine need to have an urgent talk with their design department methinks.

     
  10. deej

    November 23, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    Clooney for Prez! Even Damon looks hot, when he is kicking the shite out of the baddies, in his Jason Bourne guise. But Becks? puh-leeze!

    PS: Dude! You’ve been nominated for the Indibloggers? cool! Let’s hear your “pliss vote for me” speech.

     
  11. Amrita

    November 23, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    KfMQ – oh, i’ll relish him anytime! 😛

    fromherewegosublime – hahahha, i can only hope you got a chance to watch Lambert at the AMAs. Hilarious!

    Nita – girl, you have it baaaaad if you think that photo is yummy 😀

    BV – whaaaaaaaaaat! You don’t like Steve McQueen? Sex. On. Legs. And as odd as it appears (I don’t understand it either) Sinatra was a major hottie for the ladies back when. But then women are crazy about John Mayer these days so who am I to judge that generation?
    I see a significant portion of this blog is populated by Clooney addicts! I guess he and the other past winners have got emeritus status now.

    Ramesh – it was the 60s dude! 😀 Brainy girls were the bomb! Its only now that Paris Hilton is the template.

    Divz – well they’d have cut off half her face or something to make her look thinner.

    Pitu – Did you take a look at that Springsteen photo? When the hell was he that hot? humma humma! I suddenly get what my friends’ mothers were saying.
    Re: Khalid Mohammad…yeah apparently it was a personal attack on him! Wtf was that about? Does he just walk around Bollywood pissing people off?

    3D – They all look like child touchers! 😀 I dont know how ppl can buy those things.

    DG – apparently! Under Entertainment, that too! Um, now I feel conscious.

     
    • pitu

      November 23, 2009 at 11:46 pm

      That and stalking them and asking them for sexual favors. Remember the Sonu Nigam brouhaha? I do not want to be with KM in a lift. EVERRR. Unless I have mace and a chaakoo and a rabid dog with me.

       
 
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