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Bol Baby Bol

03 Nov

A tangential discussion on Memsaab’s Achhut Kanya post makes me imagine the wonders that could be achieved if all foreign visitors to India arrived speaking just one language: filmi. The essentials alone would work wonders:

Obnoxious taxi-driver grabs tourist at the airport and shepherds to waiting car: “Best price, madam! Best price!”
Tourist: “Kutte! Kaminey! Chhod de mujhe!”

Grinning youth staring with wide eyes at all the PDA between foreign couple: “Are they going to kiss now?”
Tourist: “Bhagwan pe bharosa rakho, woh sabki sunta hai.”

Curious lady on train / bus / other public transport: “So who all do you have at home?”
Tourist: “Ek andhi maa aur langdi behen hai. ”

Sleazy bellboy: “You are funning? Hot Indian ladies!”
Tourist: “Ruk jao! Kanoon ko apne haath mein mat lo!”

Waiter arrives with room service one hour after the order was placed.
Tourist: “Tum? Yahan? Is waqt?

Standing in line at Delhi airport, waiting for the line to move. Making it all the way up to security clearance before being pulled out of line by the lout standing guard so passengers on the flight that leaves after your plane can go ahead for unknown reasons.
Tourist: “Dusht! Rakshas! Paapi! Ek-ek ko chun-chun ke maroonga!”

And, of course, all members of The International Territory of Shashi Pradesh upon bumping into their crush at Mumbai airport: “Main tumhare bachche ki maa banne waali hoon!

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13 Comments

Posted by on November 3, 2009 in Entertainment, Life, Movies, Video

 

13 responses to “Bol Baby Bol

  1. pitu

    November 3, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    Rofl at “main tumhare bachhe ki maa banane wali hoon”. Poor, poor Shashi. Not to worry, pagal fans se bachaane ke liye Pitu is willing to offer her help. “Hum tum ek kamre main band ho, aur chaabi kho jaye” 🙂

     
  2. bollyviewer

    November 3, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    hahahaaha! Will the visiting foreign cop say, “Yeh kanoon ke lambe haath hain“?

    And I dont think anyone should blurt THAT out to Shashi straight off – the guy isnt in the best of health and this kind of news could kill him. A more subtle approach is required – and Bollywood is full of those subtle approaches! 😉

     
  3. Amey

    November 3, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    Umm, to be precise, that’s “andhi behan aur vidhwa maa”.

     
  4. (Hyper)bole baby bol!

    November 3, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    Love it!! Rofl @ dialogue#2. MemsaabStory is my sanctuary… here I come! 😀

     
  5. sachita

    November 3, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    I just saw comments in memsaab and this is truly hilarious, imagine if hindi films get truly global then they would have to hand out pamphlets at the airport.

     
  6. M

    November 3, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    I guess it makes me particularly sad that I think this is of much more use than the standard phrases employed by teach-yourself-hindi books??

    I can think of so many places where a filmi “Nahiiiin” would work!

    M

     
  7. memsaab

    November 3, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    As one of those tourists who only speaks filmi Hindi (and badly at that), may I say that it really does come in handy on occasion, particularly when one is being harassed by persistent guys with stuff they want you to buy.

     
  8. Laura

    November 3, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    In my beloved “Rough Guide to Hindi and Urdu” indispensible for its glossaries, there is a section titled Colloquialisms, with phrases like “andha hai kya?” and “kutta kamina!” The polite heading states, “You might well hear the following expressions, but on no account should you use any of the stronger ones–local people will not be amused or impressed by your efforts.”

     
  9. apu

    November 4, 2009 at 12:18 am

    Hilarious! Couldn’t you find an occasion where the tourist could say “mere paas ma hai?” My sister and I once spoke for a full day in ‘filmi’ and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves; probably one of the very entertaining school vacations we had!

     
  10. Deej

    November 4, 2009 at 5:01 am

    rofl!

     
  11. DewdropDream

    November 4, 2009 at 5:57 am

    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! Oh Amrita!

    I wish this would happen, I really do!!!

     
  12. Hades

    November 4, 2009 at 6:13 am

    Main tumhare bachche ki maa banne waali hoon

    To paraphrase George: “The worst eight words in the Hindi language”.

     
  13. Amrita

    November 5, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    Pitu – get in line lady! 😀

    BV – ahahaha, they should try that in Afghanistan when interrogating prisoners. I bet it’ll work so much better than waterboarding.

    Amey – I bow to the known authority!

    Hyperbole & Deej – 😀

    Sachita – sadly, the only Bollywood that Bollywood wants to sell abroad is the pheeka stuff.

    M – hee! There’s a reason why Southern states resent Bollywood so much.

    Memsaab – what wouldn’t I give to see you in action!

    Laura – I don’t know – I’d be plenty amused! 😀

    Apu – this should become a meme – go forth and find a situation my friend!

    3D – I wish I was there to see it!

    Hades – only if theyre addressed to you! 😀

     
 
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