A tangential discussion on Memsaab’s Achhut Kanya post makes me imagine the wonders that could be achieved if all foreign visitors to India arrived speaking just one language: filmi. The essentials alone would work wonders:
Obnoxious taxi-driver grabs tourist at the airport and shepherds to waiting car: “Best price, madam! Best price!”
Tourist: “Kutte! Kaminey! Chhod de mujhe!”
Grinning youth staring with wide eyes at all the PDA between foreign couple: “Are they going to kiss now?”
Tourist: “Bhagwan pe bharosa rakho, woh sabki sunta hai.”
Curious lady on train / bus / other public transport: “So who all do you have at home?”
Tourist: “Ek andhi maa aur langdi behen hai. ”
Sleazy bellboy: “You are funning? Hot Indian ladies!”
Tourist: “Ruk jao! Kanoon ko apne haath mein mat lo!”
Waiter arrives with room service one hour after the order was placed.
Tourist: “Tum? Yahan? Is waqt?”
Standing in line at Delhi airport, waiting for the line to move. Making it all the way up to security clearance before being pulled out of line by the lout standing guard so passengers on the flight that leaves after your plane can go ahead for unknown reasons.
Tourist: “Dusht! Rakshas! Paapi! Ek-ek ko chun-chun ke maroonga!”
And, of course, all members of The International Territory of Shashi Pradesh upon bumping into their crush at Mumbai airport: “Main tumhare bachche ki maa banne waali hoon!”