Birds, Bees and Barbies

20 Oct

I love the father’s expression in this. How many times have I seen it on my own Daddy’s face when my mother made him do things he did not want!

So, the comments here make me wonder if I was the only child in the world who wasn’t slutting up her Barbies’ life. Maybe this is why I could never understand how mermaids have sex. If only my infant brain had been accustomed to the idea of genitalia-less dolls having sex, maybe it could make the leap to fish-tail sex.

And that, by the way, is the logical reason why fishy-type people frequently gain the use of legs on dry land in all the stories.


Posted by on October 20, 2009 in Life, Video


18 responses to “Birds, Bees and Barbies

  1. memsaab

    October 20, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    Maybe it’s a function of my age (and therefore the long ago nature of my Barbie interactions) but it never occurred to me to do anything “sexy” with her (or Ken)! I did put her on my brother’s electric train tracks, all tied up, but the intent then was more murderous than erotic.

  2. pitu

    October 20, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    I played with toy trucks and cars so I wouldn’t know. Automobile sex would require a LOT of thought. Far easier to just bash em up.

    • memsaab

      October 20, 2009 at 7:28 pm

      pitu, we were separated at birth. I forgot to say that after the train hit her, I would take off her arms or legs as proof of her injuries. Nursing wasn’t my interest either, so she was never put back together. My parents stopped buying Barbies for me pretty quickly…

      • pitu

        October 20, 2009 at 10:58 pm

        My dad never gave up. Appalled to see me snuggle my little cement mixer truck in bed, he kept buying me dolls. Then one day I cut up my mom’s pure silk scarves “to make dresses” and that put a stop to it. Oh, but how I loved, loved, loved my little cement mixer!! What pretty babies it would have had.

  3. SJ

    October 20, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    I’ve been following your blog for a while now and it’s delightful! Couldn’t resist delurking at this post. My Barbie always had a date to go out with my friend’s Ken, but they invariably ended up doing it on the sofa or bathtub(the 2 barbie accessories I had).

  4. Be(e)bop

    October 20, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    Awww, that geeky little thing is so cute! And I totally loved the mom giggling away behind the newspaper, while dad does a 360-degree expression switching in mere seconds… priceless! It was just like watching the octopus — that had blissfully blended into its surroundings — suddenly reveal itself, colors, dimensions and all, in this video.

    And the grandma. Could you tell her apart from the furniture? She was all “blended in” all the way thru! 😀 Speaking of fish people (and their silly little symphonies), notice (in that TED video) how the male squid shields his angry white side from the female? Awww — why are such unheardof’s only possible in the cephalopod universe?

    And oh yes, Scandinavian ads rule! A former boss of mine — he’s German but schooled in Oslo; had this thing against American ads (and in-laws!) — used to regularly send the bunch of us “straight from life” samples (like this Barbie one), to stimulate our “creative” cells! (E.g. there was one ad for a Swedish recruting agency, showing a sad-looking guy stuffed in the back of an ATM machine along with all the bills, and the tagline read “Life is too short to be stuck in the wrong job” — not that I learned a thing from it. 😀 )

  5. dustedoff

    October 21, 2009 at 12:07 am

    Hehe. 😀

  6. Mamma Mia! Me a Mamma?!?

    October 21, 2009 at 8:07 am

    This is out and out hilarious!

  7. desigirl

    October 21, 2009 at 10:20 am

    My folks have done me a great injustice by not providing me with a Barbie-Ken pair for me to try out my prurient fantasies on. Maybe years from now I can sue them for stunting my growth and development.

  8. rads

    October 21, 2009 at 11:38 am

    LOL! The expression’s priceless!

  9. dipali

    October 21, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    Such fun!

  10. Empowerment Engineeress

    October 21, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    Cuteness in any language.. is as cute! 🙂

  11. Jawahara

    October 22, 2009 at 5:30 am

    Sadly I never had a Ken. Isn’t that depressing? However, I did have two Barbies. So obviously one of the Barbies got a rather butch haircut…and well the two of them got frisky on a regular basis. I did not give her a mastectomy however, so well…..I was very open-minded even as an 8-year old.

    I *loved* the father’s expression in the video.

  12. Sue

    October 22, 2009 at 6:25 am

    Gosh, my Barbies never had sex.

    They probably hate me.

  13. M

    October 22, 2009 at 10:26 am

    heh – never had barbies – my playing with dolls involved my being teacher (sadly geeky kid even then, I guess) – and I outgrew dolls long before learning anything abt s*x, so I guess that played a part…


  14. Amrita

    October 22, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    Memsaab and Pitu – why oh why did I not know you two when I was a child. This sounds so much better than the thousand and one tea parties and day at the clinic fantasies that my friends threw for me and my dolls. Although the clinic fantasies got a little lesbotastic in retrospect.

    SJ – welcome! And omg, how I wanted a bathtub for my dolls! But my parents drew the line at accessories – I got the dolls and had to make my own little dollhouse. Cheapos!

    Beebop – Oooh, that reminds me – have you seen Isabella Rosellini’s fish porn? It’s hilarious, disturbing and incredibly interesting!
    Why do I have the feeling I’ve seen that ATM ad? Did they remake it?

    DG – or you can watch as Mintie Baba tries her groove on! (Nooooooooo! Don’t let Minty grow up!)

    Mamma / Dustedoff / Rads / Dipali / EE – right on! 😀

    J – lesbian Barbies? They probably thanked you everyday! Ken was never all that imo, Barbie was clearly the alpha in that relationship.

    Sue – i know, right? Forced into celibacy by unimaginative owners!

    M – I liked to line them up and just stare at them. I could ever really figure out what to do with them but I liked the company.

  15. memsaab

    October 22, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    I just discovered that one of my neighbors actually MAKES A LIVING by making up erotic Barbie scenarios and photographing them. I am not kidding!


  16. Deej

    October 29, 2009 at 12:01 pm

    Minty no getting Barbies!! I decided!

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