Main Aur Mrs. Khanna Go To Sleep

18 Oct

Prem Soni’s directorial debut, Main Aur Mrs. Khanna is simply astounding.

Astoundingly boring, that is.

Meet Samir Khanna (Salman Khan, botoxed within an inch of his life and channeling Mephistopheles’ younger brother), a nearly comatose financial bigwig who’s just sunk an entire stock exchange in Melbourne. Just go with it, ok? He currently spends all his time chewing with his mouth open and informing his wife that no money = no love. Meet his wife, Mrs. Khanna (a well dressed Kareena Kapoor), a pathetically grateful and somewhat duh orphan who repeatedly thanks him for “giving her the name that God forgot to give her”. Here, use this bucket to throw up. Feel better? Ok. Now meet Aakash (Sohail Khan heroically portraying all the emotions from A to A-and-a-half), the sap whose response to his parents’ disastrous marriage and subsequent divorce is to fall for somebody else’s wife.

The story of these three somnambulists is about as entertaining and heartwarming as chomping into a hermetically sealed cucumber sandwich.

Aakash is possibly the most uninteresting lover ever seen on film. And I’ve seen Bharat Bhushan at work. He’s such a romantic succubus, he manages to suck the charm out of a Balika Badhu song of all things.

Samir goes from stonewalling his wife when she tries to support him in his hour of need to experiencing a fullblown crisis when… uh, actually I still haven’t figured this out. His doll-like wife doesn’t automatically respond to set cues after he disappeared on her for months and wouldn’t even answer her calls? Because she has friends of her own? Because she doesn’t realize her new best friend is in love with her?

I’m not being facetious – I really don’t understand what Samir’s deal was. After she spends months waiting for him and telling him how much she loves him, he tells her she’s “wrong” (about what?) and tells her she has to decide whether she wants to be with him… because some guy she’s not in love with is in love with her? What the fuck is that? Even by Bollywood standards that makes no sense. It’s like they came to the end of the shoot and suddenly realized, “Hey, wait a minute! Were we supposed to have a story for this thing? Hmm, well then let’s just give Samir something to cry about. We’ve got that Rahat Fateh Ali Khan song lying around anyway.” Solutions!

And of course, there’s the desirable Mrs. Khanna – who stays where she’s put and generally acts like a puppet. Unless she’s drunk, in which case she loses what few wits she has, apparently. Which seems to be a recurring theme in Kareena’s career. I’m just glad nobody’s concern-raped* her yet.

Wanted had a more affecting love story.

* For the uninitiated: “Concern-rape”. When a man rapes a woman out of concern for her health and safety. He’s just being helpful, see? Like so. Scroll down, it’s the third or fourth rape in that movie. My hero!


Posted by on October 18, 2009 in Entertainment, Movies, Review, Video


18 responses to “Main Aur Mrs. Khanna Go To Sleep

  1. memsaab

    October 18, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    I think you’ve misspelled the name…isn’t it Main AurR Mrs. Khanna? For that reason alone, I will not see it 😀

  2. sachita

    October 18, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    One question to you Ms. Amrita, why?

    as always it is fun to read the review. though i take offense on behalf of chutney filled cucumber sandwiches.

  3. pitu

    October 18, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    HAHHAHAHA!!! I pity yoooooooooou! Dude, I heard a rumor that the film is basically 95 percent Sohail Khan and that Sallu occupies very lil screen time. True? Also, in that one promo I saw, Sohail was acting, no… contorting his face in the manner of gunshot victims in grisly ER episodes. I think I’d need an epidural to withstand that kind of pain. Also, what’s with Kareena playing masochistic, martyred wives? I shudder to remember her pathetic role in Bewafaa *blech*

  4. Gradwolf

    October 19, 2009 at 12:14 am

    Lol, till 3 Idiots comes out, I don’t think there is much to look forward to in Hindi. Apparently Pazhassi Raja is brilliant. And Aadhavan is better than any of the three hindi releases.

  5. naren

    October 19, 2009 at 2:21 am

    Hahaha! Enjoyed!

  6. Katyayni

    October 19, 2009 at 3:20 am

    You know, I was soooo glad when I stumbled upon this blog and saw Guerrica and other pieces (written, digitalized and otherwise), that I so believe in serendipity!!!!
    And, really, the promos looked so revolting and I expected Kareena to play a total seductive siren with an angelic innocence, something like a cross between Mata Hari and Botticelli’s Venus. What a let down and what a waste of a talented actress.
    Perhaps it is time for Kareena to wake up!!!
    (PS, Nice meeting you guys.)

  7. NSFW

    October 19, 2009 at 3:50 am

    You skipped Blue and All the best to watch this??
    Re: concern rape Manmohan Desai created fantasies/set-ups that were more pathetic than any porno film. RGV to his considerable credit when asked what movies he would take to a desert island,said something hilarious precisely because unlike us mortals it was so honest and true – he said porn movies!

  8. Marionette Theater?

    October 19, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Speaking of Salman channeling Mephistopheles’ younger brother, I watched God Tussi Great Ho this weekend. And why oh why does God not have this guy stick to grilled turkey ‘n’ ham sandwiches (as opposed to the “hermetically sealed cucumber” kind), God only knows!

    Maybe these “bhai bhai” jinxathons (yes, referring to his Sohail-emo-range-A-to-A.5 collabs — that was some inspired writing about awfully uninspired acting, btw) are part of an elaborate “nazar utaaro” ritual that kicks into high gear, right after every super-duper success (of Sallu’s)? Some superstitious family that!

  9. abhishek

    October 19, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    As sheldon would say ‘There there’. 😛

  10. pitu

    October 19, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    Also, do tell us about Zinta’s item number. Good, bad, horrible? I saw some stills, she looked like a wrestler.

  11. Katyayni

    October 20, 2009 at 1:50 am

    Hey, when will Kareena learn that a size zero figure has down, well, zero for her appeal, not to mention her career!
    I mean, did she lose her wits along with her lush curves?

  12. Amol Naik

    October 20, 2009 at 8:52 am

    Good 1 M’am!

    Its really hard to keep my mouth shut on Kareena, ‘ve no clue why she does movies…

  13. Amrita

    October 20, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    Memsaab – aiyyo! As if you needed more reasons but that’s a real stinker.

    Sachita – for you my darling! 😀

    Pitu – evil woman! Reminding me of Bewafaa! Dharmesh Darshan is like an alt universe unto himself. And Akki’s hair! HAHHAHAH!
    Anyway.. no, Sallu shows up pretty intermittently. But Sohail is supposed to be the romantic lead – you can imagine how well that turns out. And thus there are the usual, Salman bhai is so handsome! Salman bhai ki kya personality hai! Salman bhai is so… blah blah blah. And Preity Zinta – I have no idea what the hell she’s doing in this movie. She’s like a downmarket Zaara and her choli is basically a saree blouse which made me wonder at first if Kareena had hidden her saree away.

    Adithya – I’m afriad ever since I saw Oru Vadakkan Veergatha when I was a child and my aunt insisted on showing it to me, I’ve been off Mammooty in period costume. But I’ve heard the same things about it so I’ll probably rent the DVD when it comes out or something.

    Naren – my pain, my pain! will no one feel my pain?

    Katyayani – hello and welcome! Kareena isn’t as scary thin as she was at the height of her size zero-ness but she does make a very good clotheshorse. Salman Khan is the one who’s back to his usual dodgy fashion sense. Except when he puts on a suit which is your basic black suit. So whatever.

    NSFW – ahem, have you seen the trailers for those two “masterpieces”? I’d rather poke out my eyes with hot needles. Although ATB is apparently not as bad as I feared from the trailers. Blue otoh, is dunzo! Not. For. Me. Maybe RGV should take it with him to his desert island though given Lara Dutta’s derriere is apparently the highlight of the movie 😀

    MT – you saw WHAT this weekend? Even I refused to watch that pile of crap. But in this movie, even the Khanploitation feels tired. It’s that big of a snoozefest.

    Abhishek – mere paise barbaad! 😦

    AN – for the moolah probably 😀

    • MT

      October 22, 2009 at 1:21 pm

      “you saw WHAT this weekend?” — Well, I generally don’t make viewing decisions in the household and tend to go with the flow. So, GTG Ho was playing on the TV and I thought lets plonk the rear-end on the couch and make sure the head is empty, see? Easy peasy lemon squeezy! 😀

      And if that made you gasp (using the first word from The Star-Spangled Banner at that!), I wonder how you’d react to my re-watching Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic this Monday, and thinking of you (not to mention Hema Malini… coz she’s CO2) the moment Saif psychic-solves the equation, A+O2=H20+CO2. (“A is a carbon-containing hydrogen-containing molecule; if A has more elements, then they will appear as products as well; coefficients will usually not be 1,” he blurts, leaving me gaping! I knew there’s got to be a downside to checking out one’s brains before these God-athons — couldn’t recall even a wee bit of middle-school Chemistry!) 😛

  14. maxdavinci

    October 21, 2009 at 2:15 am

    watay pair we make my dear!

    I saw both blue and all the best on sat n sun, so you’ve missed nothing!

  15. Banno

    October 24, 2009 at 9:28 am

    Bad week for the movies. Bad year. Bad whatever. Am so, so tired of Kareena Kapoor pouting at the camera. Salman washed away all his success from ‘Wanted’ with this one. In ‘Wanted’ he was loveable, in this, pathetic.

    As for Sohail, one is dumbstruck. With horror.

  16. nav

    October 24, 2009 at 10:05 am

    That’s a small post..quite uncharacteristic of bad the movie must be..

  17. Amrita

    October 24, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    Banno – you don’t say! Wanted was like a break from all the reasons why I can’t stand Salman.

    Nav – hahahha, busted! 😀

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