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Wanted Not Unwanted

20 Sep

Directed by Prabhudeva, Wanted is the kind of movie where the guy woos the girl of his dreams by sticking his fingers in her mouth and asking her to blow. I enjoyed every second of it.

The remake of Telugu blockbuster Pokiri (“inspired by Infernal Affairs“… in an alternate universe maybe!), Wanted is full of gory action, mesmerized by mammaries, scattered with lame one-liners, populated by skeezy characters who’re occasionally rape-inclined, and set to the kind of thumping soundtrack you devoutly hoped had died with the 80s. It is, in short, that rare beast: everything the trailer promised.

When Greasy Haired Killing Machine Radhe (Salman Khan, miraculously minus moobs and looking much better than he has in years – that’s right, stay off the booze kids!) meets King of All Evil Gani Bhai (a deliciously cartoonish National Award winner – I say it because it’s fun to note! – Prakash Raj), he tells him, “You look like a villain from a B-grade Hindi movie.”

I had to grin because that’s what this is – an unpretentious B-grade tentpoler with A-list backing. It’s Transformers for the budget-challenged: the Americans blow up giant robots for their amusement, we blow up human beings because they’re cheaper and emote better when their brains are getting bashed in. The plot, such as it is, goes like this:

In a Mumbai wracked by gang wars, Radhe is a “one man army” who only owes allegiance to the biggest bhai of all – Money.ย  One day, on a short break from all the killing and maiming, he’s transfixed by a Magnificent Bosom with Excellent Oral Hygiene called Jhanvi (Ayesha Takia). This turns out to be a bit of a problem as he’s not the only fan of her bosom – it’s an advanced Uncle Magnet model, you see.

Seriously. She can’t walk down the street or even sit at home without fat uncles hitting on her. And yes, her bosom is indeed that magnificent. As a fellow bosom-holder granted unfettered views – once even lovingly framed against a back-up line of bikini-top clad dancers jumping up and down for maximum effect – I would like to say: Congratulations & Well Done on all your success!

Given a choice between rapey uncles who constantly invade her personal space (Mahesh Manjrekar has this character down to a fine art by this point) and a totally buff uncle who might have an overwhelming love for Brylcream but at least doesn’t play grab ass or grossly proposition her widowed mother, Jhanvi wisely plumps for Radhe.

Unfortunately, his lack of rapey-ness is the best thing about him. She dutifully trudges along in his wake, watching with appropriate horror as he efficiently and brutally hacks into people who’ve pissed him off. “Did you think I was some petty criminal?” he demands as she stares at him like a bunny rabbit at a French chef sharpening his knife.

In between all this crazy love talk, there’re a dozen asides about an ill-equipped police force, corruption, drugs, extortion, the politician-criminal nexus and a bunch of other things that you really don’t pay any attention to. I mean, you could – but what would be the point? This is a movie about Salman Khan beating up a whole lot of men (and one woman), romancing a pretty young bosom thing, and singing a few songs with mostly naked women.

Like the Tamil and Telugu blockbusters that gave it life, Wanted doesn’t ask much of you other than your time and money. In return, it’ll give you a couple of hours of satisfying dishoom-dishoom and its best shot at eye candy. When you compare it to the 80s when all the South gave Bollywood was movie after dreary movie about fucked up families and uppity women who needed a beating to set them right, this is so much the better deal!

I went into this movie with a great deal of pent up rage about various things that took place last week and I cannot begin to tell you how relaxed I feel after watching Salman Khan beat the living crap out of legions of extras.ย  Hooray for Wanted!

PS – I’m still not watching Blue. Uh-unh, Akshay Kumar. We broke up a long time ago.

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30 Comments

Posted by on September 20, 2009 in Entertainment, Movies, Review, Video

 

30 responses to “Wanted Not Unwanted

  1. Gradwolf

    September 20, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    Not Blue but this?! Enna koduma saravanan idhu!

     
  2. Praveen

    September 20, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    Neat review. I loved it too ๐Ÿ™‚

     
  3. sachita

    September 20, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    echoing GW above, we really cannot save you, can we? if this is what you want, we will just stand by and enjoy the reviews. pls watch blue too, then.

     
  4. memsaab

    September 20, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    This sounds far more likable than Haseena Atom Bomb. FAR more. I’m glad to have my secret desire to see it validated.

    Kambakkht Ishq on the other hand…yup. I’m done with with Mr. A. Kumar as well.

     
  5. naren

    September 21, 2009 at 4:29 am

    Yay! Sounds like just the movie for me! And Akshay Kumar – well, no one has compared him to a jellyfish yet, but unless they find a particularly daft specimen for comparison, my bet is that the jellyfish will be able to emote much better. Especially in underwater movies.

    As usual, the review rocks! Truly priceless was “Like the Tamil and Telegu blockbusters that gave it life, Wanted doesnโ€™t ask much of you other than your time and money”

     
    • memsaab

      September 21, 2009 at 8:51 am

      Yes, there are some great lines in this. My favorite:

      “And yes, her bosom is indeed that magnificent. As a fellow bosom-holder granted unfettered views โ€“ once even lovingly framed against a back-up line of bikini-top clad dancers jumping up and down for maximum effect โ€“ I would like to say: Congratulations & Well Done on all your success!”

       
  6. NSFW

    September 21, 2009 at 9:54 am

    Ha! Glad to see you are sharp enough to see Ayesha’s real charms. Killer smile and that bosom will get her anything she wants. The earnest wogma reviewer was complaining about Ayesha just smiling and doing simple steps. I was like – she so totally does not get it. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Even though I have no need or desire to go see this movie, as others have noted, I am just happy to see the kick-ass one-liner spouting, single-theatre whistle-inducing hero back in Hindi cinema. Enough of catering to the boring NRI IT/BPO unclejis and auntyjis. Time for the real junta to reclaim hindi films. ๐Ÿ™‚

     
  7. Saritha

    September 21, 2009 at 9:55 am

    Nice review Amrita. Funny as usual ๐Ÿ™‚

    btw its Telugu and not Telegu

     
  8. NSFW

    September 21, 2009 at 10:04 am

    Forgot to add:

    we blow up human beings because theyโ€™re cheaper and emote better when their brains are getting bashed in

    That’s a wonderful and heart-warmingly true line. ๐Ÿ™‚

     
  9. Syn Ergos

    September 21, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    So you’re saying that the whole is indeed greater than the “Boo” sum (i.e. the entire movie triumphs over its scary bits like “rapey uncles,” “skeezy-Greasy characters’… overwhelming love for Brylcreem,” “grab ass…grossly proposition…mostly naked women,” “brutally hacks into people,” “beats the living crap out of legions of extras”…)? ๐Ÿ˜€

    Move over, EVERYONE, while Mr.”Ennavale Ennavale” gets his petta-rappin’ ass over to Bollywood to show ’em how it’s done, eh? Way cool!

    Can’t wait to see how he’s managed to put the Magnificent back in the Masala-movin’ Bosom…and eeeeeeeeeeeiiieee, Pokkiri just so happens to be a favorite Vijay movie!!!

    Oh well. I’m just gonna have to get a hook for a hand (not to mention a hip-replacement from falling off my chair reading this — the “Transformers” analogy is simply rockin’!), the way I’ve been succumbing lately, to anticipatory chewing (of finger nails and more)…

     
  10. Amey

    September 21, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Well, Ayesha Takis has acted with Akshay Kumar and Ajay Devgan before, so… BTW, how can you compare Transformers with this one? Do they have Ayesha’s character as mechanic, Ayesha’s character riding bikes or at least robots?

    No “Blue”? If there is such a thing called statistics, Akshay Kumar is bound to get at least one good movie one of these days.

     
  11. maxdavinci

    September 21, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    dont worry ji, I’ll watch blue on your behalf.

    I saw dil bole and wanted back2back and wat fun the latter was!

    I’m quite shocked to see how Ms.takia can actually walk, and the only reason I held back from doin a review was because I didnt want ppl flaming me for being an MCP.

    The bosom is liek the N-word. black ppl can use it like they want to but not anyone else. You can write extensively and even go on to say that the boobies had their own dialogs, phir bhi chalta hain!

    cha hands full itching but I have to be khush with my DBH review only!

     
  12. fromherewegosublime

    September 21, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    hilarious review. I am a bit disappointed that you didnt pick up on the fact her last name “Takia” is a pun in itself.

     
  13. desigirl

    September 22, 2009 at 3:46 am

    LOVED, LOVED, LOVED this!

     
  14. Amrita

    September 22, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    Praveen – It was fun while it lasted, wasnt it?

    Adithya / Sachita – sigh. I’ll probably watch it on YT. Who’m I kidding after all.

    Memsaab – You should totally head out to the multiplex! It’ll even teach you how to hail a cab so you can slip a little flask to go with the popcorn. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Naren – hey, the wife owes you one! Esp if she takes you to DBH. Or, god forbid, WYR. I was actually thinking vaguely about watching that thing, until I learned it’s a THREE AND HALF HOUR movie! Three and half motherfucking hours to watch Harman Baweja pick out a bride? Ashutosh Gowarikar is mental.

    NSFW – Meetu has a much nicer brain than mine! It actually seemed like such a shame when she had to break up her performance by mouthing dialogues.

    Saritha – oopsie, fixt!

    Syn ergos – omigod, the memories those songs conjure up! I really hope Prabhudeva sticks around in Hindi movies and makes a ton of Tamil blockbuster type movies – there’s an honesty about his effort that is lacking in your average Vipul Shah type movie.

    Amey – no but she does go to aerobics class! She’s “fit” as several people, including herself, point out. As for Blue: ok, you go first and tell me ๐Ÿ˜€

    Max – hahahahhaha @ her ability to walk upright! And no, no, I’ve faced the righteous wrath of angry uncle jis offended at my lack of womanly modesty. Also, poor you, sitting through DBH. Never in a million years, my friend.

    fromherewegosublime – MY GOD! That didn’t even occur to me until you brought it up. Yeah, he’d have liked to be smothered by her. Actually, there’s a scene in which she climbs into his lap and sits on his phone… you have to see it to believe it. ๐Ÿ˜€

    DG – the movie is quite a scream too!

     
    • Pitu

      September 27, 2009 at 8:32 pm

      Ashu really IS mental. I saw WYR, I survived it. It has made my stronger. Although 2 intervals a la Mera Naam Joker would have pushed me over the edge :p

       
  15. Praveen

    September 22, 2009 at 2:49 pm

     
  16. Banno

    September 23, 2009 at 1:51 am

    Loved both, the film and your review. Total time pass.

     
  17. Pitu

    September 24, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    Hahaha sounds utterly horrible. And it’s a hit! Amrita, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. You’ll watch ANYTHING!! ๐Ÿ˜€

     
  18. Amrita

    September 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    Banno – yay! I’m so glad so many other ppl think the same way ๐Ÿ˜€

    Pitu – this is true ๐Ÿ˜€ But I defy you not to have a good time, yaar! This is so much better than all those stupid Dhoom movies and things.

     
  19. Fahim Farook

    September 26, 2009 at 10:47 pm

    I came to your site by way of a comment you left on one of Baradwajrangan’s movie reviews and absolutely loved your review of “Wanted”. Haven’t seen it yet and hadn’t planned to (haven’t seen “Pokkiri” yet either though funnily enough, added it to my list yesterday based on another comment on Baradwajrangan’s site …) but am now probably going to give it a try just based on your review ๐Ÿ˜€

    Good stuff!

     
    • Amrita

      September 27, 2009 at 2:19 pm

      It’s a disease! ๐Ÿ˜€ I made the mistake of reading up on Pokiri and then had to watch it! Now I have to watch Athadu as well.

      Welcome to the blog!

       
      • Fahim Farook

        September 27, 2009 at 8:46 pm

        Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚

        And yes, it certainly is a diseases since I now have to look up “Athadu” since I hadn’t heard about it … ๐Ÿ˜›

         
  20. Sudeep

    September 30, 2009 at 6:37 am

    Glad that I cam back to this blog (even though after a long time) to read this wonderful review. I did not like the movie (except for the B-grade villain’s antics) but I loved your post. Awesome description of Ayesha (and/or her character).

     
    • Amrita

      September 30, 2009 at 3:37 pm

      Welcome back ๐Ÿ™‚

       
  21. Sudeep

    September 30, 2009 at 6:38 am

    *came

     
  22. Fahim Farook

    October 4, 2009 at 5:43 am

    Just finished watching “Pokkiri” and then “Wanted” and I must say I preferred the Tamil version to the Hindi one ๐Ÿ™‚ Vijay at least gives the character the right “masala” flair whereas Salman Khan simply looks as if he’s constipated when he tries to look menacing …. Did like the minor changes to the script between the Tamil and Hindi versions – at least they didn’t do an exact copy ๐Ÿ™‚

     
    • Amrita

      October 5, 2009 at 3:31 pm

      Ha, I saw the Telugu version and I have to say Mahesh Babu did a good job and fit better age-wise. And the music truly was better – I believe it’s the same as the music in the Tamil one. I’m not a fan of Vijay at all so I don’t know how that will play out when I see it.

      Salman doesn’t even act any more. I saw HDDCS the other day and I kept thinking, “What is he DOING?” and I realized it was “ACTING!”
      All things considered, I think I prefer the too-cool-to-do-my-job thing. ๐Ÿ˜€

       
  23. Fahim Farook

    October 5, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    I’m not a Vijay fan either ๐Ÿ™‚ But I definitely thought that between the two of them, Vijay did a better job with doing that type of character. And of course, the Tamil version had better one-liners like “Gunnum ennadhu thaan ponnum ennadhu thaan” ๐Ÿ˜€

    But talking of Salman, he is really beginning to look debauched – bags under the eyes, puffy face, looking really old and so on. Watched “Salaam-e-Ishq” last night (again) and he looks much better there and I was shocked at the difference between how he looked there and how he looks in “Wanted” ….

     
 
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