Hands Off My Bed

24 Aug


Is there anything worse than having to make your bed?

Don’t get me wrong. I love a freshly made bed and would have new sheets on everyday if I could just bring myself to do it – which I can’t. No, scratch that. I obviously can because there’s no shortage of sheets in my home (lovely, cottony ones that are oh-so-soft to touch in cool, inviting colors. I adore my sheets!) and I have the requisite number of hands but when I weigh my love for crisply folded bed linen that still retains the warmth and aroma of new laundry against the effort required to get it on my bed… yeesh. The amount of laziness that steals over me reaches catatonia levels.

It might be puzzling to some since it’s probably the easiest of all household chores but I’d rather wash the dishes, do the laundry (as long as there’s a washing machine and a dryer, obviously. I draw the line and beating the dirt out of my unoffending clothes by smashing them on a cement block or a bathroom floor or wherever it is they wash clothes the old-fashioned way these days), dust the electronics, arrange the flowers, run to the supermarket or hang new draperies… but put me in front of a bed and I don’t want to have anything to do with it other than crawl in there and go to sleep.

Ah, sleep. I have a cousin who keeps telling me things like “there’s always time to sleep when you’re dead” and other dismal sayings, but I pay him no mind. To have your own bed, of the correct size and firmness, one you chose and tested and bought per your liking, and to sleep in it is one of the greatest pleasures a person can experience. Sleep isn’t something you do to pass away the night hours, it’s your rightful reward for a day spent on your feet (or backside if you work in an office – either / or)!

And to do it in a freshly made bed – the sheets tightly tucked into hospital corners without a wrinkle to mar the surface, the covers cozily folded to form a cocoon to your liking, the pillows plumped and smelling sweetly of your favorite detergent… mmmm. Everything feels so clean! Not in a sterile way, unless you’re into hospital chic for your bedroom, but in a warm, inviting way.

But the real cherry on top is when someone else does all this for you. Anybody can whip the sheets out the linen closet and drag it over the bed for themselves. But when you enter your bedroom to find it all done and waiting for you, it’s like a mini-miracle just took place! Like Santa paid you a visit and instead of getting you some dumb tie or tights or rubbish candy, he made your bed instead! Hooray!

In fact, I’ve often wondered why people have sex in their beds – the world is so full of possibilities if you want to get laid, why would you want to mess up your bed? Do it in the kitchen! Do it on the roof! Do it on the patio and wonder if you’re shocking the neighbors! Rent yourself a hotel room – it’ll be like you’re having an affair!

Cuddle away if you like – although I’d have to be really invested in a relationship before I let someone rub their dead skin cells, eczema, rashes, whatever other gross sheet-violating thing they have on their body, all over my nice, pristine bed – but why disturb the peace of your one sanctuary in the whole world with things that require effort? I mean, you could just lie there and let it all happen without any active participation but if you’re that disinterested, you should learn a very useful word in the English language: “No”.

Hmmm. This might be why I’m single.


Posted by on August 24, 2009 in Personal


16 responses to “Hands Off My Bed

  1. maxdavinci

    August 24, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    sheets are meant to be cleaned on when they catch fire from teh roomies ciggie that picked up traces of oil from last weeks channa masala!

    • Amrita

      August 24, 2009 at 3:05 pm

      THIS is why boys can’t have nice things! 😛

  2. pitu

    August 24, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    I love me a freshly made yummo bed but since my ginormous king sized bed is shared by

    1) one husband
    2) one doggie who sleeps diagonal
    3) one tortie cat who sleeps completely stretched out and
    4) one cat who curls up but keeps switching from my side to hubby’s side

    and since all above-mentioned parties sleep whenever they want in the bed but never actually contribute to making it, it’s sort of a non-gonna-happen thing in my house.

    Besides, you try ‘making the bed’ when all manner of critters think bedsheets are prey to be pounced upon :-p

  3. DewdropDream

    August 24, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    :@ Pitu: There’s a winning video in that one, there is! 😀

    I love freshly made beds too but seriously … cannto be arsed to change the sheets as often as I woud like to. How the heck do you iron fitted seets anyway? That takes half the fun out of having a fresh lovely smelling bed to sleep in. Sigh.

    • Sraboney

      August 25, 2009 at 4:51 am

      Also, how the hell do u fold them? I haven’t yet mastered the art of folding fitted sheets…

      • Anamika

        August 25, 2009 at 10:12 am

        Just Google for it. Tons of websites with pictures. Even Youtube has a video I believe.

  4. apu

    August 24, 2009 at 11:44 pm

    so, so with you. i love sheets all tucked in nicely, but doing it myself?! what an idea!

  5. Of Diary & Dairy

    August 25, 2009 at 12:44 am

    “Is there anything worse than having to make your bed?” Believe it or not, there is. It’s called “getting to indulge in the treat that’s watching new movies in the theater — within three days of their release — only *once* a year.”

    Last year, it was Wall-E. And this year, Inglourious Basterds!

    What I love though, about the timing of *this* particular annual occurrence-that-I-fondly-await, is that it’s my second “Fairytale in France” in two days. (I saw Pink Panther 2, yesterday!) And, as is the norm, Tarantino thrills to no end (but the Kill Bill volumes continue to be my favorite).

    (Symbols = SPOILERS? Hope not!)

    The Tarantino diary (metaphorically speaking) opens to “Chapter One – Once upon a time…,” then proceeds to juxtapose a tall glass of milk (There Will Be Blood?) and blue fountain-pen ink (there will be lots and lots of words?), in the moments that ensue…

    A few chapters in, a starlet refers to “Hamlet” (in a manner of proactively pointing out — to those who might promptly proceed to criticize Tarantino’s chutzpah at throwing cultural caution to the winds, thanks to the mostly-in-French-and-German movie he’s helmed…”how dare he?”), harking back to the fact that the nationality of the writer/director has nothing to do with the nationality of the characters he creates… a little while later, she meets a bunch of boys at a bar, where one of them, a Brit, orders a “33-year-old whiskey from the Scottish Highlands,” and asks for three glasses. (SPOILER: And herein lies the “trick” that triggers the scene that follows… in the way he “signs” the number three…)

    There’s even a throwaway shot of “fitting the single sandal on Cinderella,” — if you’d cared to look at it that way — this being fairy tale and all.

    Now, tell me, what’s been keepin’ you and Tarantino apart that you haven’t put up a review yet? Lemme guess… It’s your love for the single status, not to mention “one of the greatest pleasures a person can experience”… shut-eye! 😀

  6. Gradwolf

    August 25, 2009 at 3:40 am

    Two years of grad school were spent inside sleeping bag and $19.99 comforter from K-Mart.

    Clearly, I don’t care that much about beds. Or sleep.

  7. BlueMist

    August 25, 2009 at 6:43 am

    HAW…as much as I love neatly made bed ..i hate doing them 😦
    and your this post reminds me I have a bed to attend !! 😐

  8. Sue

    August 25, 2009 at 7:32 am

    After giggling at the second half of the post, I must admit I find it very comforting to have my bed ready and made and fresh when I get home. That’s pretty rare but I do love it when it happens.

  9. Suchismita

    August 25, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    Ok, so now you made me long for my bed. I agree. One of the greatest pleasures of life is sleeping in a nicely made, sweet smelling bed. I prefer to have the smell of lavender not know any detergent that smells so…..

  10. ~kk~

    August 25, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    my kind of person…i like you 🙂

  11. sachita

    August 25, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    “Sleep isn’t something you do to pass away the night hours, it’s your rightful reward for a day spent on your feet (or backside if you work in an office – either / or)!” – i object, it is a birth right, irrespective how you have spent the rest of the time, even ppl who attach themselves to couch staring at the idiot box deserve it.

    regarding making the bed, so blah, i do it enough to make me feel comfortable to sleep in. As long as my house doesnt become like ross’s girlfriend in some random episode, i am a happy gal.

  12. dipali

    August 27, 2009 at 8:48 am

    I love my bed! I like making it too- for me it’s a minor work of art:)
    I believe that when Jackie O was Mrs. JFK she had her sheets changed even after a brief siesta! Way to go, Jackie!

    Yes, you have to find the love of your life before unmentionable things are permitted on the sacred bed- like unwashed feet at bed time:(

  13. Amrita

    August 29, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    3D – why on earth would you want to iron those things? I stick em in a dryer and fold em. Kaam done!

    Pitu – *faints*

    Bones & Anamika – Like this one:

    I basically am not so finicky because by the time I’m done, its tautly fitted on the bed and there aren’t any wrinkles to be seen, esp when covered with a normal sheet. I lay it out, still warm from the dryer, on a flat surface, elastic part facing up and try to make straight corners at each end without paying much mind to the elastic bits bunching up (not even you will see those parts when it goes on the bed). Then I fold both sides towards the center, smoothing out as needed, then fold/smooth again as needed until the whole thing is of a size that I want for my closet. Done!

    Apu – if I had a husband (and no maid) I’d get him to make my bed instead of buying me flowers. A flower I can buy, the bed… sigh.

    Of D&D – General sloth and dastardly relatives sneaking up on me with unplanned getaways. Hoping to get to it asap.

    Adithya – like I told Max, THIS is why boys can’t have nice things! 😛

    BM – NAHIIIN! I made you work! unintended consequence, pls to be excuse!

    Sue – well, its TRUE! 😀

    Suchismita – hmm, maybe some kind of organic solution? Or you can leave a little packet of potpourri under your pillow when you’re out or under the spare pillow if you sleep alone. Or better still, leave a sachet in your linen closet. Or take a spray bottle of your favorite lavender perfume and leave it uncapped in your linen closet right next to your sheets.

    KK – 😀

    Sachita – er, as a confirmed couch potato, I cannot believe the rubbish I wrote! Horrors! You’re so on!

    Dipali – that just makes me love Jackie O so much! And unwashed feet?! ON MY BED? He better be the love of my life, personally delivered on a white charger by my fairy godmother. *grumble*

%d bloggers like this: