“Indian men are ugly on account of the three Hs: hygiene, hair and horrible habits.” — Mukul Kesavan, author of The Ugliness of the Indian Male and Other Propositions, as quoted in Why Indian Men Are Still Boys, a blistering and depressing new article on Tehelka.
Dear Indian Men – do not be distressed! Let me help you!
- Change underwear. Daily. Mummy was not “in a mood” when she asked you to do that.
- Pouring water on oneself is not bathing. Use soap and a loofah to scrub if you can find one.
- Deodorant. It is not perfume, just spritz a generous amount under your arm.
- Cut down on the cologne. You know how they tell you on TV that women like big manly men who smell like musk or whatever? They lie. It just makes us think you must be hiding something. If you’re still worried about smelling good, then once you land a girl, ask her what she likes and spray that on.
- Dental hygiene will win you bonus points. No woman wants to tongue yesterday’s dal roti.
- Contrary to what you might have heard, your fingers will not fall off if you trim your nails. Nor will the universe end if you properly dispose of your nail clippings.
- Do not pick your nose in public.
- Do you have a favorite movie star whose hair you covet? Never ask your barber to give you that hairstyle.
- Condition your hair with oil. And then remember to wash it off.
- If you’re going to gel your hair (to impress your buddies presumably because women are seriously over it), use a good quality gel. Say No to grease!
- Shampoo + Conditioner = are always welcome at the little party thrown by Mr. Deodorant.
- The brush only wants to help.
3. Horrible Habits
- Query returned “unknown data”. Subject matter too vast.
As the review of Kesavan’s book points out, if you’re reading this then chances are you don’t need the reminder. Of course, if all of the above seems like too much work, you could always ask your mother to find you a girl. Because, Kesavan says, “Despite the way they look, they’re always paired off with goodlooking women”.
Them and all those tubby leads on American sitcoms.
[Thanks to Filmiholic for the link]