When Loverboys Attack!

20 Jul

Sigh. Watching Imraan Khan, the BabyFace Khan of ’08, trying to make his little action career happen even as debutante Shruti Haasan gives him a run for his money is making me nostalgic. For the good ol’ days when the long succession of BabyFace Khans knew the correct way to combine their milk chocolate goodness with their burning desire to kick the living daylights out of this zaalim world. After all, once age caught up with them and put a few lines on those chubby-wubby cheeks, they could always switch to kicking ass full time.

Remember these?

1. Back when Salman Khan could keep his clothes on, he knew what to do! He threw confused yet submissive pigeons at mean old daddies, hopped on and off farm machinery, and glared menacingly when swinging on a jhoola! Angrily! Till he fell down! It takes serious movie star talent to act like a three year old having a tantrum and sell it as passion. Kudos!

2. Aamir Khan did one better. He made out with Madhuri Dixit (dressed in full ’80s regalia!) in unisex jails, pried apart steel bars with the power of love, referenced myths and legends in verse, and managed to be so adorable while doing it all that he even got the police on his side. And as any young lover in India will tell you – that never happens… unless there’s a little money involved. Armed with just one song, he defeated the Establishment in all its forms – beat that, Enemies of Love!

3. For cold style points, however, no one can improve on Feroz Khan. When FK gets angry, he IGNORES HELEN! (Blasphemy! Off with his head!) He swigs the booze, he doesn’t care about the gambling, he hallucinates Mumtaaz, he breaks out in the booze sweats… and oh, yeah! he IGNORES HELEN! This, people, is clearly a man who is capable of anything!

4. Brother Sanjay, on the other hand, could never quite do the Angry Cadbury very well because… well, I don’t know. Maybe brimstone was in short supply at the Khan household. Who knows? But given the chance, he did his best by looking as angry as he could and walking off – which can’t have been too difficult, confronted as he was by a wooden-faced Babita clone drenched in bad lighting.

5. It is a generally accepted truth that Saif Ali Khan‘s reign as a BabyFace Khan was not his finest hour. In fact, he often had to shuffle off the angst part of his angst-ridden songs to his co-stars (like so). However, he is one of the few BFK’s that received the Pankaj Udhas Sulk treatment. I feel he fits in perfectly with others who’ve taken full advantage of the PUS, which allows an actor to look slightly overwrought (perhaps while knocking back glasses full of an unknown amber liquid) as the song does all the acting required.

6. As each BFK grew up, there was always another to take his place and carry the standard high. The man who screwed it all up, I feel, is Shahrukh Khan. Not only did he lack the main ingredient (baby face!) but he spent his BFK years relentlessly pursuing other men’s wives (in his debut movie, he makes off with Rishi Kapoor’s wife; in his breakout role, he tries his best to make off with Sunny Deol’s wife; and then, to top it all off, he even tried to make off with Deepak Tijori’s wife! The ignominy!) instead of nice, sweet, girls who were waiting, chastity belts firmly in place, for him to come wake them with love’s sweet song. They probably dodged a bullet, given the above, Ajooba suit and all, is what passed for a declaration of love in his BFK years.


Posted by on July 20, 2009 in Entertainment, Movies, Video


11 responses to “When Loverboys Attack!

  1. pitu

    July 20, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    Waah! No fair! You forgot SRK in “Yeh dil deewana” from Pardes. Ohh, the quivering lips and puppydog eyes! And then there’s “Nahin hona tha” also from Pardes and of course the phenomenal “Aaya tere dar par deewana” from Veer Zara. That’s like the Baadshah of controlled anger and angst 🙂

  2. pitu

    July 20, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    Also how hawt is Shruti? Mom’s looks, daddy’s dance skills, OMG!

  3. bollyviewer

    July 20, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    lol at the attack of the baby face Khans! What next? In SRK’s defence, he did graduate from other men’s wives to other men’s fiancees, and even gifted away his own at one point – the guy does learn from his miss-takes!

    That Luck video is awful! It looks like one of those remix (of old songs) videos. What it lacks in the choreography department, its trying to make up in the cheese-stakes! Ugghhh!!!

  4. sachita

    July 20, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    Objection at the attempt to sneak in feroze and sanjay khans in the list of the true chocolate khans like salman and aamir. we suspect this was done purely to increase the number.

    SRK is allowed in the list, his charm more than made up for the lack of bf.

    And yeah, shruti hasan rocks. almost makes wonder abt the years wen newcomers didnt know wat to do in front of the camera.

  5. Gradwolf

    July 21, 2009 at 3:39 am

    I stopped reading beyond Shruti Haasan….

  6. B(h)ang for the Buck?

    July 21, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    Ha! It’s almost axiomatic that a star-child mannequin — more so if “it” looks like a Madame Tussaud’s masterpiece…a “creative” crossing of Princess Di with M.I.A, a la Incandescent Beauty meets Self-assuredly Sexy Subcontinental Sensibility? — will be breathed-life-into by Bollywood.

    What would be the REAL high though, is if sultry Shruti can somehow manage not to shimmy-shake off her all-too-precious Acting gene, and give Imran the shudder bugs on that front as well. Now if this miracle were to happen, then hog heaven is all but assured for the Hassan-family fans (who I’m sure are “yippee yay”ing already in nail-biting anticipation)!!!

    P.S: And oh, I was gonna ask what happened to that Aamir party-song from Mann, where he serenades a shrewish Manisha-in-b(l)ack-netted-dress, but then I guess that belongs to the tail end of his BFK days…

  7. Amrita

    July 22, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    Pitu – hee hee! How’d I know you’d have this reaction? Re: pardes – see this is what I mean! He did it in reverse! You could make the argument that Pardes came towards the end of his BFK years but Veer Zaara is long past the date when he should have been above that sort of thing… but he totally rocks it! SRK = Mystery Khan!
    Also, Shruti – seriously! Very well turned out, hmm?

    BV – what cracks me up is lil Imraan trying to do the hip hop routine. I mean, I like the kid but… HAHAHAHAH!

    Sachita – alas! that is a true! I’m glad I didn’t complete the sellout by throwing in Dilip Kumar as well.

    Adithya – in a good way, I hope 😀

    BB – Shruti can at least sing very well. I have a horrible feeling, she’s going to be wooden in the movie but everyone in that movie looks like they’re made out of plastic so it just might be the movie itself, not her. But she’s definitely got “It”.
    aieeee! You said “Mann”! What a chee chee word! Here’s my fav track, complete with metallic silver jumpsuit (shirt? wtf is it?) on the teeny weeny khan. Enjoy!

    • B(h)ang for the Buck

      July 22, 2009 at 7:29 pm

      “metallic silver jumpsuit” — wait, you’re reminding me of all those Neil Armstrong pics that have been coming at me every which way! 😀

      And yay!!! You finally made WordPress take back that yucky-yellow yemoticon and restore my lovely SunnyBunny (to borrow a Pituism)! What did you do? Threaten to mow down their CEO’s pet deer?

      • B(h)ang for the Buck

        July 22, 2009 at 7:35 pm

        Heyyy! What did I just morph into? A cutesy crab? Me loves this Lemony-Pinocchio avatar a whole lot more though! (Note to self: Watch what you type in the email field; something in the water there.)

  8. sitaji

    July 29, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    Too funny! Love this post, especially the “For cold style points, however, no one can improve on Feroz Khan,” and ignoring Helen part. Why didn’t I put you on my blogroll earlier? Done!

    • Amrita

      August 1, 2009 at 2:20 pm

      I dont know! Even more shocking, you’re not on mine! rectified!

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