Well, well. So this is what Ekta Kapoor meant when she said her shows were all based on reality. The Mumbai Mirror (clearly a newspaper that I need to read on a daily basis) has a potboiler of a story featuring:
- Bahu (“The high-flying socialite Sheetal Mafatlal”)
- Beta (“industrialist and Mafatlal Mills owner Atulya Mafatlal”)
- Khandaan (erm, the Mafatlals, duh!)
- Police (“arrested by customs authorities for carrying undisclosed jewellery worth Rs 53 lakh” which means she spent “two nights and one day in customs detention” before being moved to Byculla jail)
- Family Feud (“Atulya [said] his wife was a victim of family feud”)
The story is full of heart-wrenching details, such as:
Sheetal found herself in jail – which was full of criminals! And not white-collar criminals either. Instead they were smelly, gutkha-chewing criminals who probably used her as a spittoon all night long.
Her lawyer is a moron who didn’t demand she be fed her special diet so she was forced to eat (or at least look at!) the dirty food they feed to the rabid animals in that horrible place – like dal, roti, something called “curry” and rice. Chee-chee.
Did you know prisons only come equipped with an ancient ventilation system known as a “ceiling fan” which moves so slowly that it barely stirs the air much less cools it?
There are mosquitoes in prison. Why doesn’t Tehelka do an expose on this menace to our society?
They make the inmates sleep on thin mattresses filled with inhuman torture materials like coir, even if the inmate is ravishingly booteephool and as innocent as a baby made of snow. She might as well have been in Gitmo!
When she finally emerged from this palace of horrors, she was so broken down, reporters could only identify her by her “over-sized bumblebee glasses”. But even that poor comfort was taken away from her by Robespierre’s Tribunal the court:
The Sheetal that walked out of court seemed eerily exposed. Gone was the jewellery, the watch, the shades. Seemingly in preparation for her stay at the Byculla women’s jail, where she would have to hand over her belongings, Sheetal took off her valuables.
That schnick-schnick sound you hear getting louder in the background is the ominous sound of the canaille of Mumbai setting up the guillotine. The Reign of Terror is almost upon us! Will no one pay heed?
Alas! Alas! No, because it turns out they’re all transfixed by the family feud. It’s not just any old family feud, you see – it’s this family feud featuring:
- Lesbian / Transgendered Daughter! With fatty boobs? (Chatty, bitchy, medically illiterate society lady says: “Aparna underwent a hysterectomy at Breach Candy hospital and a liposuction for her breasts under Dr Gajiwala, but that doesn’t make her a man… In ’98, Aparna moved back into the main house and started calling herself Ajay.”)
- OR! Just plain old Greedy Daughter (“[She] underwent a sex change… to stake claim as the elder son of the family. The trust… would have otherwise passed on to his youngest child Atulya, who was the only son.”) You decide!
- Dukhiyaari Maa (“she and her ‘son’ Ajay feared being thrown out of the house”)
All right. I’m a grown-up. I can see when I have done someone wrong. Thus I would like to offer my apology to Ekta Kapoor. She was right – her serials are based on real life. In fact, I now see all her serials are based on just this one family’s real life.
PS – above photograph taken at Tusshar Kapoor’s “success bash” Click for more.