Why is This Happening?

28 May


Of course this had to happen.

Scarcely had I finished proclaiming my love for the awesomeness that is Nagin, when news comes of Hissss. According to this semi-literate blurb:

The movie is about the Vengeance of Naagin, the Snake Woman when the legend of the Naagin has been spreading for over 4000 years ago. Finally in 2009 George States (Jeff Douchette), a ruthless American travels to the jungles of India and captures her mate. She transforms into a stunningly attractive woman (Mallika Sherawat) with absolutely no clue about contemporary civilization or the ways of mankind, and ventures into the city in desperate search for her lover with vengeance on her mind and venom in her fangs.

What follows is a chase at breakneck speed, with horrifying deaths, narrow escapes and special effects never seen before in India, as Vikram Gupta’s (Irrfan Khan) Clarice Starling chases down a beautiful sexy killer more dangerous, powerful and terrifying than Hannibal Lecter. This is India’s WEREWOLF, VAMPIRE, and HANNIBAL THE CANNIBAL, who has an axe to grind with the villainous human race who has dared to desecrate her environment and capture her mate.

(By the way, am I wrong or is that blurb making the case for cannibals as misunderstood victims of bigotry?)


You know what this reminds me of? Michael Bay’s planned remake of The Birds as an eco-thriller, specifically this classic quote by producer Cathy Schulman:

In the original, the birds just showed up, and it was kind of like, why are the birds here? This time, there’s a reason why they’re here and (people) have had something to do with it. There’s an environmental slant to what could create nature fighting back.

No words. Just… no words.

Except maybe this: Hisssss! Hissssssssssssss! Hissssssssssssssssss! Also.


Posted by on May 28, 2009 in Entertainment, Movies, News, Video


18 responses to “Why is This Happening?

  1. M

    May 28, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    LOLOL! What GOT me was this ” stunningly attractive woman (Mallika Sherawat)”……But NOOOOO – no special effects! We want snake-skin bikinis, not people turning into snakes!!!


  2. Kokonad

    May 28, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    Holy crap. I loved the ending part though… “Vengeance has a sound… HISSSS”

    If the movie were about a savage cow, it would have been Moo. Now I am thinking if Mallika Sherawat would like playing a cow. Imagine how Lynch might have said – ‘We would like you to play a cow.’

    “Vengeance has a sound…. HISSSS” would also go with a pressure cooker seeking revenge.

  3. rads

    May 28, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    I am not watching this even if I someone paid me a million bucks 😐

    • sachita

      May 29, 2009 at 3:01 pm

      Rads, For million bucks, I can(thats a lot of money).

      I wish when they re-spin these movies, they should approach the original director, he at least had conviction to do it.

  4. Mamma Mia! Me a Mamma?!?

    May 28, 2009 at 11:55 pm

    OMG!! For real?!?

    I’m hoping that you just made this all up!

  5. Banno

    May 29, 2009 at 12:43 am

    Something to be said for her costume though. Quite creep-inducing.

  6. buddy

    May 29, 2009 at 2:51 am

    unlike rads, im watching this even if I end up paying a million bucks 😀

  7. Gradwolf

    May 29, 2009 at 6:52 am

    I second buddy…

  8. maxdavinci

    May 29, 2009 at 11:48 am

    Oh first day first show pucca!

    I assumed your previous post was a result of the recent media glare on this movie.

    The trailer looks very pulp and hopefully should have b-grade masala going by other movies from the same director.

    PS: Ms.Share-a-watt is now tweeting(hissing) her way through the internet!

  9. Amey

    May 29, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    For a (un-)tested ophidiophobist, your blog is turning out to be seriously scary. On the other hand, these snake-men (and women) are not exactly snaky most of the time, so yeah, count me in…

    BTW, somebody goes in jungle, captures a snake, his/her mate throws a hissy fit (see what I did there?) and comes out to kill the criminal. What exactly is new in that? We need new ideas in such movies, folks. Can you get to it once your book is done?

    @Rads: Seriously? This is bound to be really funny.

    • rads

      May 29, 2009 at 2:53 pm

      Sadly, am a borderline ophidiophobist. They give me the creeps and for the life of me I don’t see what’s so special about Mallika. No, am serious, and am quite fair when it comes to ranking hot babes. Agree with husband much to his despair. Apparently I ought stare and throw a fit like most wives, when all I do is nod along. :\

  10. Gaurav

    May 29, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    Wow…..”India’s Werewolf, Vampire and hannibal the cannibal”…Really?… with Mallika Sehrawat as a snake women.. Yeah sure!…But i am totally in for the first day first show!….I agree, it would definitely be funny!

  11. Anindita Sengupta

    May 29, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    You have an award. Please check my blog. It involves duties on your part, of course 🙂

  12. Prasanth

    May 30, 2009 at 11:11 am

    Compulsory viewing for all students of Kendriya Vidyalaya for the Environmental Studies class. 🙂

  13. Amrita

    May 30, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    M – I kinda hope I can get to see this in a theater because it’d be funny to sit there with all the randy young men waiting for their venus to show up in a bikini and instead they’ll get the snake monster from the first pic. And I will laugh and laugh.

    Koke – ahahahaha! “Moo” can be the Hindu Passion of the Christ.

    Sachita & Mamma – no, no it’s all real. And I dont think Jenny Lynch is as scared of the evil snake woman as Raj Kohli. 😀

    Banno – yup, the ribbed underbelly thing is pretty neat. Unfortunately the rest of the movie looks like the worst sort of exotica to me.

    Amey & Rads – well, I’m not too fond of our snake friends either but I’ll watch Nagin type movies. No Anaconda or Snakes on a Plane or anything horrible like that though. When I was nine, I was randomly flipping through the ecyclopedia (no internet! can you tell?) and I unexpectedly came across this humongous close up pic of a two headed mutant snake. I was all done after that.

    Max – no it came out of the Feroz Khan RIP post when I realized nobody (at least nobody I read) had ever written about Nagin before. Which is a shame shame puppy shame. So I did it.

    Anindita – lolz, thanks! will do.

    Buddy, Adithya & Prasanth – I wonder what it says about me that I agree with you? Probably that I’m a lesbian. Oh well.

  14. His SS

    May 31, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    Ah, The Mourning Bride. That three-centuries-ago play by Congreve. But can’t be. The similarity seems to end with “hell hath no fury like a [snake] woman scorned”…

    This is probably just Jennifer Lynch tossing a coin up in the air and going: Heads I shoot “Sunrise at Angkor Wat,” tails I go swamp-swimming with SheraWat. Too bad (who knows, could be too good also, if she’d managed to somehow sneak in a snake-swallowing-its-own-tail sequence, a la Ouroboros, to delight those of us who were deeply disappointed to find out, from your other Nagin review, that Mumtaz DID NOT literally stick her foot in her mouth) it had to be tails, though I see folks here readily lining up to be taunted by slithery siren’s sordid travails! 😀

  15. bollywooddeewana

    June 1, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    I really can’t wait to see this, its one of the movies i’m anticipating, i love the 1976 Nagin, and i would like to see Jennifer’s take

  16. pitu

    June 3, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    I hafta say, the costume is very confuzzling. It’s sorta mermaidy – the way she is standing, and the webbed hands?! Weird. And the expression says Zombie. So, mermaid + python + zombie?!! I guess the genre is ‘Retard’.

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