If Tomorrow Comes

01 May
Kiss me! I'm precious!

Kiss me! I'm precious!

… then this is what it’ll bring. Consider yourself warned.

The single best story about Bollywood that I ever heard starred Krishan Kumar, the late Gulshan Kumar’s younger brother with the caterpillar eyebrows who nursed an ambition to be a Hindi phillum ka hero. Apparently, when young Kumar’s first movie came out – bankrolled by his fond brother obvs! – a few suckers wandered into a theatre in Delhi to see what the fuss was all about. Come intermission, the audience had had enough and decided to leave… which was when they discovered that they’d been locked in and wouldn’t be allowed to leave until the movie was over. :mrgreen:

Hello, will you be my friend?

Tee hee, sports? "9" is the number of kissies I want, silly.

It’s entirely too good a story to be anything other than apocryphal, of course, but it’s the one that I always remember when I hear yet another producer is readying to launch his son (or daughter for that matter). It reminds me that good times are ahead.

Hey! Where're you all going? I can do better!

Hey! Where're you all going? But - but I put on Axe! I'm just like chocolate you know!

A Hrithik Roshan comes along once in a long while. You’re much more likely to end up with Uday Chopra. (Aww! Too mean?)

How do you like my Shahrukh-wala angle in my Ajay Devgan-wale clothes?

How do you like my Shahrukh-wala pose in my Ajay Devgan-wale clothes?

So meet the latest entrant: Jackky (no, that’s not a typo) Bhagnani. Starring opposite him is Vaishali Desai: niece to the legendary masala producer-director who once told a man watching one of his movies to pee in his pants instead of leaving the theatre for the couple of minutes required to take care of his business.

And I've brought the tinsel outfit to prove it!

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard but my uncle keeps his eyes skint

You see why I get so happy when I hear the pitter patter of the feet of producer spawn? I guess it’s too much to hope for another Love Story: 2050 but hilarity is bound to be somewhere in the offing.

Hooray! Whatever crap I put out, it'll never be as bad as that!

Look! I can do Shaolin soccer and still make a better movie! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!

Is that why your dad stuck me in this wig?

Great, now explain why I had to wear this "Boman Irani is Fucking Laloo Prasad Yadav" wig?


Posted by on May 1, 2009 in Entertainment, Movies, Video


16 responses to “If Tomorrow Comes

  1. Vineet

    May 1, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    Looks like Rishi Kapoor to me and not Boman Irani(last pic)

  2. shweta

    May 1, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    Dear lord- cant imagine the amount of monye they wasted make this!

  3. sraboneyghose

    May 1, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why Bollywood films fail these days…There are very few ‘start’ kids like Ekta Kapoor who figure out early in life that they are not star material…She’s found her niche and is extremely successful in what she does…

  4. maxdavinci

    May 1, 2009 at 11:32 pm

    That song incidentally shot Sonu Nigaam into the big league. Till then it was all mata ke jaagaran songs for t-series.

    I remember Sushmita Sen introducing this kid on some award function, is she again a lecturer in this?

  5. Shivani

    May 2, 2009 at 1:04 am

    LOL @ Boman Irani fucking LPY wig:D

    He bears a startling resemblance to Uday Chopra. I guess that speaks volumes about where we’re headed.
    And his claim to fame? He weighed 130 kilos once upon a time & shed it all to enter phillums. After Sonam Kapoor, this ?!?

  6. DewdropDream

    May 2, 2009 at 7:00 am


  7. M

    May 2, 2009 at 9:49 am

    Huh – like Shivani, I thought that was Ewww-day, when I saw the first pic….
    The name of the movie seems unpleasantly apt as well….and I realised, that I can only think of 3 filmi-bachchas who *act* – Hritik, Abhay Deol and Farhan.


  8. pitu

    May 2, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    ROFL at Ewwwday!! 😀 Also, you can add Rekha to the list of star kids who can add- she is THE Gemini Ganesan’s daughter after all! Also add Kamal Hassan. As for this movie – complete dorkfest :-p

  9. sachita

    May 2, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    wat is wrong with my aamir khan?:) why isnt he in the list?

    You are a sadist for going out seeking this release of all the releases. Did you read his interview in rediff? They are so delusional, acting in 80s bad movie stories and calling it new and different.

  10. Mamma Mia! Me a Mamma?!?

    May 2, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    “A Hrithik Roshan comes along once in a long while.”

    Sigh!! So true! So true! So sadly true!

  11. M

    May 2, 2009 at 9:36 pm


    Kamal? Why? He has no filmi antecedents, AFAIK. His brothers don’t count, in my book – they all started in films from ground-up so to speak, and I don’t think Kamal benefited much from Charu Hasan’s presence.

    As for Rekha, I agree, but count her as her mother’s daughter – she never considerd GG as much more than sperm donor, and only reconciled with his other children well into adulthood.

    Sachita, Aamir, yes again – I was just rattling of names I could think of immediately, and none of the older crowd came to mind…I suppose Sunny Deol should also count in that case, as he was fairly effective in a couple of movies.


  12. Amey

    May 3, 2009 at 11:58 am

    Sorry, Uday Chopra is still way better than Kishen Kumar and Harmaan Baweja.

    Pic 6: So hero does stand taller than the rest of the people in the movie. Got it.

    Milkshake? Whhhyyyyy? The image…

  13. Nandini Vishwanath

    May 3, 2009 at 11:05 pm

    I love the captions 😛 And I do remember this guy. He looked more horrendous when Sushmita intro’d him as the next big star!

    NO clue about the girl!

  14. Amrita

    May 4, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    M, Pitu, Sachita, Mamma – I don’t really count Rekha as a star kid just like Karishma Kapoor. I figure the two of them really paid their dues and made it up the ladder. Sunny, Sanjay, Aamir and Salman (and it’s so weird to remember that the four of them all started one after the other in roughly the same period when you look at them today) are more like it. But real “starkids” imo are the new lot, starting with Bobby Deol and his Barsaat. Remember that mess? With Twinkle Khanna? lolz.

    Vineet – yes, it is. I made a funny.

    Bones – yeah, Ekta instead inflicts other “actors” on us. 😦

    Shweta, Mamma, 3D – I guess buying them a car is passe.

    Max, Nandini – what is this thing about Sushmita introducing him? Introduced him, why? Did they hold the premiere already?

    Shivani – I’ll take Sonam (who incidentally gives the most annoying interviews I’ve ever heard a newbie give) with both hands before I give this guy my money.

    Amey – yaar, that stuffed monkey Sunil Dutt carried around in Geeta Mera Naam had more charisma than Kishen Kumar so that’s not saying much. As for milkshake, I was too tired to think up a convincing rhyme but you can’t have missed this?

  15. DewdropDream

    May 5, 2009 at 7:06 am

    What is the origin of this milkshake phrase everyone keeps using? And what does it mean? Looking to you for help O Wise and Funny One

    • Amrita

      May 6, 2009 at 1:18 pm

      3D – meh, I screwed up the rhyme coz my brain wasn’t working… see that link in my reply to Amey, right above your comment? Click and ye shall find.

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