The Alternative Superman

28 Apr

“You should hear what the fucking Clerks dude said about the Superman script!”

I kind of feel cheated now. I can’t help but think that a Superman starring Sean Penn as a violent Superman who lives in a Fortress of Solitude patrolled by polar bears so he can survive to battle a giant spider in the final act … how can it be anything other than an improvement on that Brandon Routh snoozefest?

This is why I love Kevin Smith. And why big budget Hollywood movies suck. Like so:

[via Boing Boing]


Posted by on April 28, 2009 in Celebrity, Movies, Video


16 responses to “The Alternative Superman

  1. Amey

    April 28, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    No Superman costume, and no flying? Didn’t Smallville do it, and pretty well at that?

    As for spider, violence against various furred ones, well…

  2. Gaurav

    April 28, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    Absolutely hilarious video.!!……I so wish to see superman movie like that…giant spider, polar bears, no costume, no flying, ….., would be so cool! 😀

  3. Gagan

    April 28, 2009 at 11:11 pm

    funny stuff ….we’re both from the street….Barbara streisand’s hairdresser….street cred is so important these days eh? every fucking body wants to be a gangster these days. Funny to think that someone who lucks on a lot of money and power in hollywood can do it with no literary talent. I can just imagine the dialogue if it were’nt KS there telling it like it is. ” that’s right man, solid .. from the street.. warriors. I remember one time …blah blah… put the mother fucker right down. cop car comes by not 2 minutes later. I swear dude those mother fuckers would have just thrown away the key if they had caught us…some fucking close calls, I tell you. Tell me about.. did I tell you about the time…… 🙂

  4. Lloyd's Lane

    April 29, 2009 at 12:29 am

    I happened to catch that Brandon Routh snoozefest just this weekend, right after Say Anything, and to keep myself from dozing off, I kept seeking out similarities in the understated togetherness the two leads shared with their lady love. (Of course, in Superman’s case, it’s a given that he was doomed to stay distant coz LL was married to someone else.) Like how the “Man” (as opposed to, er, “guy”) fleshes out (if only ever-so-slightly, in his love note) Superman’s more cryptic (Kryptic?) “I’m always around.”

  5. Ramsu

    April 29, 2009 at 1:18 am

    Thank you! I really needed some Kevin Smith to brighten up my day. He may be one of the few people in the universe to be able to make the F-word sound poetic.

    Getting Zack and Miri in India seems to be out of the question, so this is the next best thing.


  6. deej

    April 29, 2009 at 6:00 am

    never mind superman – ams u gotta see this:

    saw it on BD’s fb page and cracked up!

  7. DewdropDream

    April 30, 2009 at 5:10 am

    I had a good laugh over this video… super stuff!

  8. Amrita

    April 30, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    Amey – no no, Smallville ka Superman can fly! He just doesn’t understand how he does it or something.

    Gaurav – he should just keep the red panties and leave the blue lycra. It’d be like one of those early Dara Singh World Champion Wrestler movies except with lots of gloss! 😀

    Gagan – hahaha, the best part is that he was Babs’ hairdresser. And they wonder why hip hop sells.

    LLane – oh lord, I never want to see “Brandon Routh”, “Man”, “fleshes out”, “I’ll always be around” placed so closely together again 😀

    Ramsu – always happy to oblige! Hey, they released Brokeback Mountain in India, they might still bring Zack and Miri. Which you should see btw!

    DG – lolz!

    3D – there’re a lot of Kevin Smith videos around actually and they’re all super funny. Check out youtube.

  9. Amey

    April 30, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    Nope, The red-blue blur (that’s what they call him now) from Smallville does not know he can fly/cannot fly. The only 1-2 instances have been when he was under the influence of red kryptonite.

    • Amey

      April 30, 2009 at 4:16 pm

      Then again, you can always fly (or think you are) when you are high, right?

  10. LLane

    May 1, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    Oh Amrita! In the throes of PMS are we? 😀 Poor Routh, let’s give the guy a break (since his career clearly isn’t, the way it’s headed South and all that!). But seriously, I bristled far less at Routh’s seemingly computer-generated looks/demeanor (par for the course, I thought, since Superman is “other worldly” to begin with) than I did at Bosworth’s (Bo)toxic plasticity — that woman was so wrong for the role on so many levels (what Katie Holmes was to Batman Begins, if you will)!

    But all said and done, you have a point there. I do admit that if I hadn’t read somewhere that Routh was a “real” person who plays the piano and trumpet in his (Superfluous?) spare time, I would’ve argued anyone away to the farthest corners of the planet that his onscreen persona was merely some animator’s poor attempt at adding — to a movie otherwise shot with all the darkness of the Batman franchise minus the spunk (or storyline) — a Beowulf touch!

  11. Amrita

    May 1, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    Amey – lolz, is that what’s going on? Well, as long as he’s getting some kind of action, I guess.

    LLane – oh, I’m the bitch from hell this week 😀 I don’t actually remember Routh in anything else although I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him in something. And I think the talk was that he’s a good actor… but that movie was just such a pit of anti-matter it sucked every bit of life out of the room and the actors in it. Poor thing. Grendl did a better job i think!

  12. Amey

    May 1, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    As for that, no, she is not getting any action since Lana left. Oh, you meant the other kind… that is plentiful.

    • Amey

      May 1, 2009 at 4:15 pm

      Make that “he”.

      • Amrita

        May 1, 2009 at 4:18 pm

        Wait, Lana? What happened to Lex? He like the Fortress of Solitude enough to give her up?

  13. Amey

    May 1, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    Where you been? Lana left Lex ages (seasons?) ago. And now he is dead (really dead this time).

%d bloggers like this: