You Knew This Was Coming!

09 Apr

Fameball Rakhi Sawant is getting married. On TV. According to her: “Everything I’ve got, I got it from televijon… now I want true love and I’m going to get it from televijon too!”

After a massive worldwide hunt, Interpol found said television cowering under the radio’s bed, trembling in fear. Confidential sources inform us that as agents led the defeated teevee away, radio stood waving on the steps with a nasty grin on its face, playing its song. Ow-a ow-a.

Now you know why ad rates are so expensive – the teevee was saving its pennies so it could book a one way trip to outer space. That god-awful Life on Mars ending last week? Wish fulfillment.

Things only settled down a bit when it realized Rakhi was looking for a man, not a machine. No, not even a love machine. Check out the promo for Rakhi ka Swayamvar above for details on how to apply.

[Oh, please, please, please, won’t one of you apply? It would be the bestest thing ever. Not that I’d ever ask any of you to get married for my cheap laughs, but you could go for an audition or something. For purely journalistic reasons. No?]

So, yes – the teevee has gone back to mocking us. Because we can’t rewind and we’ve gone too far. Pictures came and broke your heart.

PS: remember when Madhuri Dixit did this show that married off random people? Google tells me it was India’s first reality show and it was called Kahin na Kahin Koi Hai. The reviews were, um, scorching but the official photogallery in all its Hum Aapke Hain Kaun-meets-Devdas glory is hilarious. So I have to ask, did any of you watch it? I know there are a few Madhuri-addicts out there. Come out, come out, wherever you are! :mrgreen: And tell us how come the website for the show is still up, without a single mention of the people who were on it. Didn’t anybody “win”?


Posted by on April 9, 2009 in Celebrity, Entertainment, News, Television, Video


16 responses to “You Knew This Was Coming!

  1. M

    April 9, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Sounds fantastic – now come on Amrita, you apply yourself! 😀


  2. rayshma

    April 9, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    i am currently trying to coerce a friend of mine to apply. i have also mailed him all of ms. sawant’s interviews/videos that i could find… am attempting to recover more from the old offc. esp the one where she described in detail about how “deefeecult” it was to dance to pardesiya without a panty and that it made her a “profayshunal”
    if he agrees and applies, i shall keep you posted.

  3. Som

    April 9, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    Hey… am here for the first time. Great writing … enjoyed all the posts. (Specially the cell phone Ring Ring Ringa… actually I ended up on your blog searching for the lyrics of the Ring Ring Ringa song!)

    Heard Rakhi on an interview with a Radio Station this morning… hilarious! I like the Sawant too much … just for the entertainment value!

  4. Gagan

    April 9, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    Interesting….I like Rakhi Sawant beaucoup but I wonder about her sincerity…she is a marketing machine….is’nt she…

    Amrita ….just an adjunct to a previous comment I left..on the Sikh justice article … would like to add that in our family there is noone that is fan of the khalistani movement .. on a personal level we lost a relative who lost his life to them..senseless murder of a gentle sardar who had been a scholar is whole life ..who was believed to have spoken against them when all that stuff was going on the punjab…I never met the guy but I can imagine him from all the personal accounts,,,,,it was casual brutality that just tore apart a whole family,….that kind of thing goes on all the time in India …it leaves one empty.. I feel a lot of empathy for what happened there.. I just wanted to leave an idea of another aspect of that period…it was the truth…even though it seems unpalatable..

  5. Prasanth

    April 10, 2009 at 2:34 am

    I am telling you, there’s some underground cable connecting Rakhi Sawant and Amar Singh. When one performs, they other has to as well!
    This cud be a good opportunity to strike back against centuries of oppression though…say candidates have to undergo purification rituals(in fire preferably), identify the correct Rakhi among 5 lookalikes, submit to stripping in an Assembly etc.
    But then, the show would be a Splitsvilla dupe!

    As for Madhuri’s show….the winners presumably got married and then realized their folly, paired up and broke up and then realized their folly, remain a couple and are realizing their folly or never really bothered in which case nobody cares. 😛

  6. Orange Jammies

    April 10, 2009 at 3:21 am

    And its posts like these that make me your # 1 fan! I’m going to have to go diaper shopping from all that peeing with laughter.

  7. memsaab

    April 10, 2009 at 7:01 am

    Very sadly, this will probably not air in the US. At least, not on a channel that I actually receive.

  8. naren

    April 10, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Rakhee is the new neighbour of one of my close friends. I’m waiting for a dinner invite. I’m about 60th in queue though. Love Rakhee. She makes Shilpa Shetty look classy.

  9. pitu

    April 10, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    Aww, I’m an unabashed Rakhi fan and I hope she finds her Prince Charming. And I hope he doesn’t actually ‘le jaiye mera haath’. What is this, Sholay? And what is she, Gabbar? :-p Aww, I loves her 😀

    Also, that Mads wala show was doomed to fail, I’m telling ya, becoz of one GLARING flaw. Apparently, in the show, Mads chats with the bakras, i.e. potential groom and potential bride and while they and their families dicuss it, SHE WEIGHS IN TOO!! I mean, wtf! WHO in their right mind is gonna be “Well, Madhuri ko ye ladki pasand nahi hai par mainu hai, I’m gonna marry her, baybee!” :-p So, um.. yeah. But it was a real cheezefest. And all the contestants (male and female) wud keep staring at Mads in a totally starstruck way 😀 The song ‘Kahi na kahi koi hai’ was also SAD! But that’s what made the show timepass 😉

  10. Amrita

    April 10, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    M – I would if I swung that way 😀

    Rayshma – god bless your friend and I really hope he goes for it! AHAHAHAH @ the panty-less comment. You know, I wondered about that when I saw that song, glad to have it cleared up.

    Som – hi there and welcome! Nope, no lyrics on my blog, just things vaguely connected to them 🙂

    Gagan – no worries, didn’t think I had an archvillain as a reader or anything 😀 My family moved back to Delhi just about a month after the riots went down and I still remember wondering why my mom’s family kept trying to convince her to not to get on the plane – esp when I really wanted to go on it! But my dad was already there so we got on the plane anyway. My family is not Sikh at all but what you wrote earlier definitely gels with what my dad always told me about it – he had friends who personally underwent what happened in 84 and I think that’s the riot out of all the ones that have come and gone before and since that really got to him. Thanks for writing in.

    Prasanth – hee, you just want to set them all on fire, don’t you? Interesting corelation with Amar Singh – he definitely likes them filmy, and Rakhi mightn’t be averse to compromising a little in return for what he has to offer. It could be a match made in fameball heaven!

    OJ – thanks… I think 😀 Think I should put one of those warnings: Sideeffects Include Incontinence?

    Memsaab – god bless Youtube! Too bad they won’t subtitle it.

    Naren – look over your shoulder: see that large broom coming straight at you? That’s the Mrs. 😀

    Pitu – she’s such an unashamed fameball, how can you not like her? But God, she comes up with some crazy ideas. And I KNEW you must have seen the show! HAHAHAHA! I think its on Youtube somewhere but I really don’t want to see it.

  11. Vishal

    April 10, 2009 at 8:58 pm

    … and here’s what she had to say when asked how this idea dawned on her: “King Janakraja held a swayamvar for his daughter Sita. Why don’t you go and ask him where he got the idea from? If Sita can find Ram through a swayamvar, why can’t I? I might not find Ram but I might find Shyam!”

    Go Rakhee! Find your Shyam.

  12. A Cynic in Wonderland

    April 11, 2009 at 8:24 am

    definitely worth applying. heck, i might prod my husband into it i am thinking

  13. Nikhil Narayanan

    April 12, 2009 at 12:20 am

    In the Rakhi se karo shaadi show,it is not the prize you win but the price you pay.

    So the reality ends after the noose tightens or then Kahani Honeymoon ki will follow?


  14. Amrita

    April 13, 2009 at 1:50 pm

    Vishal – yup, that’s the first name that pops into my head too when I see her: Sita! 😀

    Cynic – hahaha, I bet he’ll do the dishes now without complaining.

    Nikhil – it all depends on how the show turns out, but damn, I can’t help but hope that honeymoon show comes along. Can you imagine the morning after? :mrgreen:

  15. deej

    April 14, 2009 at 10:37 am

    oh lord! that loser jodie marsh did it two yrs back and you couldn’t get a bloke for love or money, literally! biggest damp squib ’twas!

    • Amrita

      April 15, 2009 at 2:45 pm

      Oh that’s right! Jodie Marsh did it! With that bandage wedding dress. Oh man.

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