The Jolly Bolly-Oscars

23 Feb


So Slumdog Millionaire won everything. Anil Kapoor is the happiest furry on the planet! Everybody loves the millionaire man! As they should. Highlights of the night included:

The Voice: Tilda Swinton and her clear bell tones.

The Tabloid: Jack Black cracks a joke about Dreamworks sucking Pixar’s dust, Jennifer Aniston makes her Rachel Green face and the camera pans to Angelina Jolie in mid-laugh. What does it all mean? Answers in your favorite tab today!

The Surreal: John Legend and A.R. Rahman in a Wall-E / Slumdog medley. Next time, make him sing Rehna Tu, A.R.!

The Correct: Peter Gabriel who knew the songs were going to get slaughtered up there.

The Smug (The Stoned?): Brad Pitt, his squint, and his ginormous ring.

The Eager: Resul “Poocutty” (hey, props to Will Smith for landing in the neighborhood at least) practically mowing down the others to grab his statuette and have his say.

The Awww: Penelope Cruz remembering her roots and her old friends.

The AWWW: The amazing Viola Davis breaking down in tears as Eva Marie Saint lauded her performance, calling her a “stunning talent”. So she is.

The Cool: AR Rahman sauntering out without a speech, cracking a lame joke or two (Did he seriously reference “Mere paas maa hai”? HAHAHAHA! There’s a reason I love this man, people!), thanking the “jury” and then saying the most subtly political line of the night: “All my life I had to choose between hate and love; I chose love and I’m here.”

The Best: Hugh Jackman comes to the end of yet another Baz Luhrman disaster and screams, “The musicals are back!” In the audience, Penelope Cruz rolls her eyes. BWAHAHAHA!

Adore me!

Adore me!

The Bestest: Kunio Kato and the Departures team. For giving amazing acceptance speeches. Sank you berry much. I am very, very happy! I hope you’ll be back too.

The Confusing: Frieda Pinto’s dress. One minute I hate it, the next I love it.

The Outclassed: Zac Efron + Vanessa Hudgens and Dominic Cooper + Amanda Seyfried (yay Lily!) dancing with Hugh Jackman + Beyonce. Jackman was just about keeping up with Beyonce, but the other two couples? Ouch.

The Classy: Sending past five winners of the acting categories to introduce the nominees.

The Classier: Shirley McLaine and Sophia Loren (and her hand on her hip). That’s who I want to be when I grow up.

The Classiest: Jerry Lewis. After they were all such cunts to him too.

The Adorable – Dev Patel pumping his fists, jumping out of his chair, and finally just shaking his head in disbelief as his debut feature cleaned up at the Oscars. Awww!

The Adorabler – Dustin Lance Black on the importance of Harvey Milk in his life. “God does love you.”

The Adorablest – the entire Slumdog cast. Everytime the camera panned to that section, they were having a party. So much more fun to watch!

The Awesome: Angelina Jolie (and Cate Blanchett) kicking ass in the action montage. More please!

The Before:

OMG! I'm at the Oscars with Brangelina!

OMG! I'm at the Oscars with Brangelina!

The After:

But I don't want to be adopted!

But I don't want to be adopted!


Posted by on February 23, 2009 in Celebrity, Entertainment, Movies, Television


26 responses to “The Jolly Bolly-Oscars

  1. pitu

    February 23, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    Word of Freida’s dress and HAHAHAHA at “But I don’t want to be adopted! ”

    But you must! You are from India, no? Angie needs another lat/longitude on her arm!

  2. Kokonad

    February 23, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    Ha ha! Lovely post!
    But did you notice how both Zack Efron and Vanessa Hudgens said “Ra(k)hman” like Achmed of Jeff Dunham fame? Is that how one should really pronounce his name?
    Aside, the opening by Hugh Jackman was phenomenal, so were the style of having five previous winners present awards for best actor, actress, supporting actor and actress!
    And Anne Hathaway CAN SING too! Sigh… I am so much in love with her…

  3. M

    February 23, 2009 at 5:23 pm

    Looks like you paid close attention all evening ๐Ÿ™‚ I was, unfortunately, bored…the filmfare awards are more fun…everyone was too well dressed (all the women looked like clones!), and too polite! Loved Beyonce..that woman should do a Hindi movie!

    And MAJOR props to ARR for his one line in Tamizh…we (the husband and I) went around humming Tamizha Tamizha for a while after that ๐Ÿ™‚


  4. DewdropDream

    February 23, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    Man ARR was so cute on the stage!!! Seeti maaroing at the mere paas maa hai and taml usage.

    And Amrita, are you quite sure you have not considered a career in scripting comedies? If not that, you could bring out a new paper/mag which revolves around pcitures and funny captions ๐Ÿ˜€

    F Pinto’s outfit confused me too. Didn’t watch the Oscars, glad I can depend on my blogpals to keep me posted though ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. ravi

    February 23, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    ONE word-INFECTIOUS-damn i got no work done today !

  6. Chevalier

    February 23, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    Still laughing at the ‘but I don’t want to be adopted’, but doesn’t Angelina prefer ’em a little younger? And poorer?

    And Oh, this has to be the ONLY place in the world Jerry Lewis is called classy – or were you being snarky? :-)….Even notoriously insensitive Hollywood finds Lewis’s all-too-frequent cracks about women (e.g. comediennes are first baby making machines) or gays (= fag***s) too hard to accept….

  7. ravi

    February 23, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    What I wonder is how Aishwarya Rai has been boring us with her โ€˜I am the only accepted Indian face abroadโ€™ routine for the last ten years. And how all we see her do are crappy B-grade English movies. And how this simple, unassuming, softspoken man goes ahead and wins TWO OSCARS!


    Without the interviews and the publicity stunts.

    Also, let us not forget Resul Pukutty. I loved how he invoked Om in his acceptance speech.

    p.s. Did I ever, in my dreams imagine that I would live to see the day someone would get up on that stage in Kodak Theatre and go โ€˜Mere paas maa haiโ€™? ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. shweta

    February 23, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    Angelina might adopt ALL 6 kids (though they all probably have parents)- then they can all talk about their new Maa as well ๐Ÿ˜€

    They may have been clunky, but I was too happy to care – plus Hugh Jackman was pretty enough to distract me for the duration ๐Ÿ˜€

  9. Adithya

    February 23, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    Oh, Mr. Logan was brilliant wasn’t he? I loved the opening joke about Kate Winslet playing German, Robert Downey Jr playing African American and himself playing an Australian in a movie titled Australia and hosting. Class.

    And I particular didn’t like the joke on NBC Today, those two women saying Angelina may adopt them. Err, am sorry it just sounded too high handed to me(Am not one of those “showed India in a bad light” Slumdog haters!)

    The show was awesome after a long time with Hugh Jackman, the idea of past winners announcing and of course, Rahman!

  10. rads

    February 23, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    As ever you do one heck of a recap ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Ramsu

    February 23, 2009 at 11:12 pm

    I wasn’t bowled over by the movie, but I can’t help being vastly amused by the fact that one of those notable personalities who didn’t like the movie has ended up being referenced, not only in the movie, but in the Oscar acceptance speech as well.

    I wonder if he’s laughing, though.


  12. wordjunkie

    February 24, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Yay ARR.. and it wasn’t even his best work!!! Loved the ‘mere pass maa hai’ bit too.

    Is it just me, or are Brad and Angelina starting to look like each other? I swear, each time the camera zoomed in, it hit me!

    And did lovely stick thin Hugh look just a teensy bit afraid when Beyonce thundered up .

    The lasting legacy of Slumgog…. Shiloh’s next sibling ? It could happen.

  13. Mamma Mia! Me a Mamma?!?

    February 24, 2009 at 12:58 am

    As always, loved your recap!

    And just where on earth/internet do you get the marvellous pics from! The first one is more than brilliant!

  14. Hades

    February 24, 2009 at 2:51 am

    the most subtly political line of the night: โ€œAll my life I had to choose between hate and love; I chose love and Iโ€™m here.โ€

    Why was it political? I didn’t get that one.

  15. pitu

    February 24, 2009 at 2:58 am

    I just want to eat up the little girl in bloo.

  16. complicateur

    February 24, 2009 at 5:21 am

    Umm yeah… Can someone fire the guy who was in charge of the audio. The Lawrence of Arabia music was nice-n-all but how many glitches can you have in a show of this magnitude? And was Jackman cameo-ing or hosting? Like Will said it, seemed like he was taking a nap backstage. And yes John Legend should cover Rehna Tu – I’m still in love with his cover of ‘Don’t you worry ’bout a thing’.
    Talk about respecting one’s roots – LOVED that Cruz thanked Almodovar. I was so happy she won because..because..Ok I’ll say it – I think I love Maria Elena.
    The best thing about Freida’s dress was her being in it.
    And DLB was adorable n all but Martin McDonagh was jipped. In Bruges should’ve won that award. No 2 ways about it. That movie was phenomenal. Comedies, black or otherwise, get such little respect. hmph!
    ROFL @ that last caption!

  17. memsaab

    February 24, 2009 at 10:41 am

    I loved Sean Penn’s speech, and that was the biggest surprise of the night for me ๐Ÿ˜€

    Also loved Tina Fey and Steve Martin—they are the best co-presenters EVER. “Don’t fall in love with me, Tina!”

    Great recap Amrita ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. sachita

    February 24, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    “dont adopt me” – that was exactly what was crossing my mind as I saw angelina near the kids! she was going to adopt them! I hate her and kate, who i love won an award:)

    Regarding the link, so all that jumping around actually helped ani kapoor, is it? He got mentioned by roger ebert and all.
    Freido and Anil were literally taking over the mike during that red carpet. Freido would make a wonderful politician, considering her love for the mike. Of all my favorite indian actors in bollywood, this gal makes it to hollywood!(she is going to star in woody allen movie). She dresses up fine but apart from it i dont think she wud be any good.

  19. ana

    February 24, 2009 at 9:54 pm

    I am so sorry I missed Jerry Lewis receiving the humanitarian award. I fell asleep through a bit of the show. *slapping meself*

    I was happiest though for Penelope Cruz, yes loved that she acknowledged Almodovar, and also loved the story of her 60 year old dress.

    And Dustin Lance Black. He made me want to weep.

  20. Shivani

    February 25, 2009 at 3:15 am

    I’ve been a regular lurker on your blog, especially love your posts on celebrities & your observations/remarks on them. This one had me in splits :-> I was especially amazed at how you’ve included the minutest of details that went on during the ceremony. Hence, the delurking ๐Ÿ™‚
    And ROFL @ the last caption, I was almost on the verge of being sacked from my job – courtesy, stifling giggles at the offending screen on a somber tuesday afternoon ๐Ÿ˜€

  21. Amey

    February 25, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    Aah, India shining… I was happy to add an Oscar or two to my resume after an Olympics Gold (and silver, and 2 bronzes). And I did that without getting out of my house/office.

    But yeah, I liked that the kids were acting like kids (my niece too poses for photos ๐Ÿ™‚ ). And ARR looks so compact.

  22. Amrita

    February 25, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    Pitu – I LOVE little Rubaina and her little dress! Did you see them on the red carpet making fun of Ryan Seacrest and Lisa Rinna? The. Best.

    Koke – I was sort of annoyed by the Rakhman until I heard Oprah call him Rahmeen. What I love about AR is his calm acceptance of their butchering his name (unlike someone else I could mention *cough*heigl*cough*). The opening number was the bomb and I’m still singing The Reader bit ๐Ÿ˜€

    M – AR, bless his heart, treated it the way he would have treated the Filmfares. It’s like his mind was elsewhere. Amazing. Beyonce in a Rajni film! Make it happen somehow!

    DDD – As if anybody’d give me a job! Bless you for thinking of it though!

    Ravi – have you heard the Delhi 6 soundtrack yet? It’s amazing! And Ash Rai and Aamir Khan are busy pushing needles into their voodoo dolls of Anil Kapoor right now ๐Ÿ˜€

    Chevalier – I thought the speech itself was classy coz the situation was so icky. For one thing, the prize he was being given was the wrong one for precisely the reasons you mention plus tons more. But his work, whatever my personal opinion of it, is definitely worth a lifetime achievement award – and the Academy is the last organization in the world to cavil at his personal behavior (look at this year’s best actor race with Sean Penn and Mickey Rourke – both assholes extraordinaire). But their reasons for not handing him that award is totally fucked up. I think everybody loses.

    Shweta – I thought they were better than they have been for a while. I love Jon Stewart but they didn’t have much energy then did they?

    Adithya – hahaha, and next year he’s gonna star in “New Zealand”! ๐Ÿ˜€ I didn’t watch the NBC interview and I’m glad I didn’t.

    Rads – thanks ๐Ÿ™‚

    Ramsu – he’s probably handing along the needles to the bahu so she can stick it in faster. He did congratulate the “technicians and music directors” for winning their Oscars on his blog.

    Wordjuknie – Hugh’s packing plenty under that tux baby! Rent Ausralia if you wanna see. But beyonce is so freaking awesome, he just had to get out of the way! She definitely owned it and he wisely kept out of her way.

    mamma – thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ they’re all linked to source!

    hades – brown devout Muslim from India who was the only one to thank God (i think), winning two Oscars = he knew what he was doing. And if he didn’t, then it was an inspired accident. There are already crazed rightwingers bringing in comparisons to jihadis and things – idiots in America are just like idiots in India. So for him to say what he did… awesome!

    Complicateur – Penny Cruz came dressed for a wedding and she got one of sorts! I love her too! And I still haven’t seen In Bruges but all this love from everyone I know is making me think about my position.

    Memsaab – it was a nice speech, wasn’t it? Shocking to me too because I was fully prepared to hate it and him.

    Sachita – Anil Kapoor is a STAR! Man is everywhere and everybody thinks he’s great. And how galling must it be for other people (ahem!) to watch this girl from nowehere land a freaking Woody Allen movie? I’m still not sure she can act but it’s still better than most other people have managed.

    Ana – well you didn’t miss much ๐Ÿ˜€ he kept it short and sweet and has a weird facial tic that reminded me he was a million years old.

    Shivani – hello and welcome to commenter world! Glad to liven up your Tuesday morning but I really hope your boss was taking a nap!

    Amey – we’re all Oscarwinners now! Those kids are amazing on the carpet and on all the shows! I really hope they can have a normal childhood now though.

  23. Sujatha

    February 25, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    Loved the post! Totally agree re pinto’s dress and arr’s mere paas maa hai comment. Fantabulous recap!

  24. pitu

    February 25, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    Also I can’t tell you how thrilled I am ARR and Resul pipped all the loser wannabes in India to the post. I hope Ash, Shekhar Kapoor, the Bhatts, Amitabh and everyone else who thinks they are the cat’s meow are eating their heart out :-p

    I imagine them singing *Seene mein jalan, aankhon mein toofan sa kyu hai?* ๐Ÿ˜€

  25. Beyon(ce)d Redemption

    February 25, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    “Hugh Jackman comes to the end of yet another Baz Luhrman disaster..” – La la la la la la la la la… (plugging both ears and yelling on top of my voice, just like my eight-year-old whenever an overdose of good mommy advice heads her way) – Yup, lady. No matter what you say, I had the Time of My Life, watching The Drover dirty dancing with (ex) Destiny’s Child. ๐Ÿ™‚

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