So Slumdog Millionaire won everything. Anil Kapoor is the happiest furry on the planet! Everybody loves the millionaire man! As they should. Highlights of the night included:
The Voice: Tilda Swinton and her clear bell tones.
The Tabloid: Jack Black cracks a joke about Dreamworks sucking Pixar’s dust, Jennifer Aniston makes her Rachel Green face and the camera pans to Angelina Jolie in mid-laugh. What does it all mean? Answers in your favorite tab today!
The Surreal: John Legend and A.R. Rahman in a Wall-E / Slumdog medley. Next time, make him sing Rehna Tu, A.R.!
The Correct: Peter Gabriel who knew the songs were going to get slaughtered up there.
The Smug (The Stoned?): Brad Pitt, his squint, and his ginormous ring.
The Eager: Resul “Poocutty” (hey, props to Will Smith for landing in the neighborhood at least) practically mowing down the others to grab his statuette and have his say.
The Awww: Penelope Cruz remembering her roots and her old friends.
The Cool: AR Rahman sauntering out without a speech, cracking a lame joke or two (Did he seriously reference “Mere paas maa hai”? HAHAHAHA! There’s a reason I love this man, people!), thanking the “jury” and then saying the most subtly political line of the night: “All my life I had to choose between hate and love; I chose love and I’m here.”
The Best: Hugh Jackman comes to the end of yet another Baz Luhrman disaster and screams, “The musicals are back!” In the audience, Penelope Cruz rolls her eyes. BWAHAHAHA!
The Bestest: Kunio Kato and the Departures team. For giving amazing acceptance speeches. Sank you berry much. I am very, very happy! I hope you’ll be back too.
The Confusing: Frieda Pinto’s dress. One minute I hate it, the next I love it.
The Outclassed: Zac Efron + Vanessa Hudgens and Dominic Cooper + Amanda Seyfried (yay Lily!) dancing with Hugh Jackman + Beyonce. Jackman was just about keeping up with Beyonce, but the other two couples? Ouch.
The Classy: Sending past five winners of the acting categories to introduce the nominees.
The Classier: Shirley McLaine and Sophia Loren (and her hand on her hip). That’s who I want to be when I grow up.
The Classiest: Jerry Lewis. After they were all such cunts to him too.
The Adorable – Dev Patel pumping his fists, jumping out of his chair, and finally just shaking his head in disbelief as his debut feature cleaned up at the Oscars. Awww!
The Adorabler – Dustin Lance Black on the importance of Harvey Milk in his life. “God does love you.”
The Adorablest – the entire Slumdog cast. Everytime the camera panned to that section, they were having a party. So much more fun to watch!
The Awesome: Angelina Jolie (and Cate Blanchett) kicking ass in the action montage. More please!