Do Boobies Fit in Your Stocking?

30 Dec


I was reading this extremely reasonable interview of Cate Blanchett’s in which she says about plastic surgery:

“I haven’t done anything, but who knows,” she says. “Andrew said he’d divorce me if I did anything. When you’ve had children, your body changes; there’s history to it. I like the evolution of that history; I’m fortunate to be with somebody who likes the evolution of that history. I think it’s important to not eradicate it. I look at someone’s face and I see the work before I see the person. I personally don’t think people look better when they do it; they just look different. You’re certainly not staving off the inevitable. And if you’re doing it out of fear, that fear’s still going to be seen through your eyes. The windows to your soul, they say.”

Well, if reporters for Vanity Fair dub you “fresh faced and dewey” and an “ethereally pale wraith” (I think that’s meant as a compliment) when you’re jetlagged and 40 is knocking at the door, I think it’s pretty much a given that you’re pretty well off in the looks department.

But what about the rest of us? Most women tend to be insecure about some part of their body – I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman who wakes up every single morning, looks in the mirror and says, “Wow, I’m just so perfect!” There are bad hair days, bloat days, pimple days, big pore days, I-ate-too-much-over-the-holidays days and all of them leave you feeling like crap.

Some of us don’t even try on days like these – what’s the point, after all? Just put your head down and hide in your bed if you can, praying for the miserable day to end.

No amount of make-up can ever hide that Leaning Tower of Pisa that erupted overnight on the tip of your nose – even if other people are seemingly blind to it, you know it’s there and you can feel it climbing higher into the sky with every passing hour. No amount of product can make your hair look less like a bad wig when it’s on the outs – even if your friends are telling you it’s “fine”.

Our own imperfections are never as bad when we’re the only ones who get to stare at them. It’s when we start imagining how other people are going to perceive them that we want to run screaming off a high ledge.

Modern day plastic surgery’s greatest accomplishment is not that it has made us look better – arguably most people come away looking like victims of alien experimentation – but that it’s made it possible for us to look the way we want to look to others. To marry the perfect image in our heads to the physical reality of our ordinary selves. And a lot of us want to look like freaks with outsize lips, giant breasts, disproportionate penises, “re-virginized” hymens, immovable-by-reason-of-poison facial muscles, et al.

I have no idea why this is so appealing to so many folks. Perhaps it’s an evolution thing – back in the day when we didn’t have synthetic bio-materials and animal cells to inject/transplant into our bodies, we made do with tattoos and piercings. With advances in technology, we’ve found other ways to up our desirability quotient. What I do know is that it’s hard to find a woman (and quite a lot of men, it must be said) these days who haven’t at least thought about some kind of cosmetic surgery.

Personally, watching them go at it with chisels and hammers (actual plastic surgery tools fyi) on Nip/Tuck might have forever cured me of wanting to even touch my face with a needle, but there have been times when I’ve thought ahead to my 40s and wondered if I might be open to a little assistance as I get older. I don’t worry so much about my face, mainly because I have excellent genes and I don’t think I’m going to end up looking like a Shar Pei (which: awww! adorable!), but gravity exerts its pull on other parts of your body too.

I guess it all depends on what I look like at 40. And whether Demi Moore’s surgeon is still available.


Posted by on December 30, 2008 in Celebrity, Life, Personal


17 responses to “Do Boobies Fit in Your Stocking?

  1. Beth

    December 30, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    Well said! I’m glad to hear Cate’s point of view and that she plans to stay herself as she ages in a very cruel industry, but…well, ew, really. Ew.

  2. rads

    December 30, 2008 at 10:00 pm

    Hear Hear! 🙂

    I shall let you know how things look in 40’s as I certainly am rushing into that number, and surely much before you! 😀

  3. M

    December 31, 2008 at 12:30 am


    Love Cate’s common-sensical statements, wish more celebrities would do likewise…as for what happens when we’re 40…you shall know *very* soon

    I did feel very strongly anti-plastic surgery, but now tend to look at a tummy-tuck as something I *might* want….after two problem pregnancies, that area of my anatomy is never going to be “normal”!

    As for shows that pur you off – Extreme Makeover on TLC…EW to a whole new level!


  4. A Cynic in Wonderland

    December 31, 2008 at 2:21 am

    … looking good is one part of it. but so is looking your age ( with all the imperfections) i guess. its a little bit of a never ending trap – there is always something more that can be done and even after its done, how long does one stay happy anyways. so one might as well be imperfect without the scalpel rather than be imperfect after surgery.

  5. Sue

    December 31, 2008 at 2:40 am

    I vaguely considered a nose job when I was a teenager and my nose was growing faster than the rest of my body but now the only way you’d get me to a surgeon for something as unimportant as cosmetic surgery would be to kill me and drag my carcass there.


    In the meantime, I happen to think you’re doing a good job:

  6. scriptlarva

    December 31, 2008 at 11:12 am

    When an celebrity decides to do plastic surgery there is lot of dynamics associated with it. A dipping career, dip in requests for dates, dip in life on page 3. If some celebrity is able to resist plastic surgery she is great. If someone cannot , she is just human.

  7. memsaab

    December 31, 2008 at 11:17 am

    I’ve somehow arrived at 47, and I like the way I look. I like my gray hair (so do others, esp. men for some reason), I don’t mind my extra weight (keeps my face looking younger)…I look like ME, maybe older but still me (and increasingly like my mom too, but that’s okay).

    All I have to do is see a photo of Donatella Versace and any thoughts of plastic surgery go flying right out of my head 🙂

  8. Nida

    December 31, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    Ahh, I’m currently in the “I ate too much over the holidays” phase…

    I’m hoping to be like Memsaab…comfortable in my own shoes. I think having a child has made me care a lot less about that, too.

    I’m one of those people who look forward to getting older…I’m hoping I’ll be blessed with my health and my family’s health and that I can relax and enjoy life without some of the worrys that preoccupy me now ( When will I EVER graduate? Will I ever be financially stable? Will I marry or stay single? And will I have more children too? ). I really hope at that point and I won’t be asking these questions then. Then I can concentrate on shopping, traveling, eating, and blogging.–and spending time with the grandkids at my leisure! Bliss.

  9. Banno

    January 2, 2009 at 2:03 am

    I’m happy some days with the way I look, and some days, it’s just grrrr. Or moan, moan. I can’t take a needle for a blood test, so can’t imagine cosmetic surgery. Also, where does one find the money? For a really good surgeon? And the fear of a botched-up job if you go for discount versions? Scary.

  10. dipali

    January 2, 2009 at 4:31 am

    I’m mostly comfortable with my bod and face, since I’m generally the ‘I don’t bother much with how I look’ type, but put me in a changing room in a department store with the bright lights and mirrors showing all from odd angles, and I am not happy. Shouldn’t buy readymades, I guess!
    Plastic surgery is definitely not my scene- I don’t even pluck my eyebrows!

  11. Amey

    January 2, 2009 at 11:53 am

    You know I wouldn’t comment on post like this, right? But then, who wants to have: outsize lips, giant breasts, disproportionate penises, “re-virginized” hymens? Talk about being a freak 😀

  12. Amrita

    January 2, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    Beth – I bet she’ll be one of those really foxy looking old ladies too!

    Rads – I only ACT juvenile 😳

    M – God, that show terrifies the hell out of me. What happens when they botch it up as they have on at least one occasion that I remember? Shit!
    And whaddya mean, I’ll know “very soon”? *glares in outrage*

    Cynic – yup, that sounds like classic addictive behavior. It’s the reason I never did drugs and its the reason I’ll never take a scalpel to my face. I’ll totally end up looking like that cat lady.

    Sue – do noses do that? 😀 I always thought I had a fat one until one day some guy in a wheelchair asked me to sit for him coz he wanted to paint my nose – he found it very interesting and long, he said. So now I have a whole another neurosis! Yay me. And thank you!

    Scriptlarva – very true! I’m in awe of women like Judi Dench and Helen Mirren.

    Memsaab – speaking of Donatella, just for you:
    This is what a lifetime of sunning will get you. For the record, she’s only 6 years older than you.

    Nida – aww, you’re so sane! I want to be you.

    Banno – that’s the thing that always freaks me out the most: what happens if they screw up? EEEEEEEEE!!!!

    Dipali – oddly, I’m good in a changing room unless I’m in one of those mass strip and pull on clothes places where everybody is naked at the same time. I want a changing room mirror for my home!

    Amey – oh yes, you’re way too shareef for this conversation! 😀

  13. Mamma Mia! Me a Mamma?!?

    January 2, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    I sometimes joke about having the fat sucked out of me, but I am surrounded by women who look stunning in their 40’s and 60’s, so I think I’ll let Nature do Her thing.

  14. pitusultan

    January 2, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Meh. I used to see all these sad old dames hanging on to their ‘youth’ all the time in my dermat’s office. I think I was the only one who went in for acne. All the leopard print clad, silicon lipped and cheeked women came in for cosmetic surgery. And like every wall in the waiting room was covered with Restylane/Botox ads.

    The creepiest experience was waiting in the lil patient consultation room and listening to all the pathetic whining thru the paper thin walls. But Doctor!!!! I feel ‘this’ nipple is still a little bit lopsided! And my left breast is sooooooo tender! And my cheeks hurt when I smiled so much at the charity benefit.


  15. M

    January 2, 2009 at 6:01 pm


    Bah, the English, she has left me…sorry – all I meant was that *I* am so close to the 4-0, that I will *certainly* tell you how it feels….no aspersions on your age….aren’t you a wee young thing anyway?


  16. dipali

    January 3, 2009 at 4:45 am

    Can’t even contemplate a mass changing room!

  17. Amrita

    January 3, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    Mamma – I once heard some kind of horror story about Sridevi and liposuction and how she ballooned into double her size when she didnt take care of her diet afterwards and now I can never do lipo. 😦 Argh, exercise.

    Pitu – I’m getting a mental image of a waiting room full of women like that Thai woman who injected cooking oil into her face coz she was too broke to pay for her botox and silicone. Melted face!

    M – I like to think so but as my mother often reminds me, I’m just an old woman in young clothes 😀

    Dipali – I believe it’s one of the tiers of hell.

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