When Disney Attacks

24 Nov


This is some powerful moron juice at work:

20-year-old male student surnamed Liu jumped over the fence at the zoo in the tourist city of Guilin, ignoring warning signs not to…The panda, named Yangyang, was wide awake. Apparently scared by the intruder, he bit at Liu’s arms and legs…”Yangyang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him,” Liu was quoted as saying from his hospital bed. “I didn’t expect he would attack.”

Yeah, I bet Yangyang’s number one desire is a sweaty embrace from an idiot tourist. I wonder why he attacked?

Well, I have a theory. It’s The Disney Effect. You know how Disney has all these child stars it discovers, packages, promotes, and sells? And how eventually they all start acting up so they can get out of their contracts? Well, I think the animals have taken note and this sudden rash of cuddly animal violence is a message being sent to the powers that be at Disney.

Look what Bambi’s up to these days:

glenn1“It came right at me, from about 10 feet away. I tried to run at an angle, but it caught me flush in the back right leg, impaled me with its weight, knocked me to the ground. It started to come right at my face with its antlers.”

The buck impaled Genn in the chest, but in the tussle he managed to land a swift kick to the animal’s underbelly, causing it to momentarily abate. Genn said he then screamed for his wife to get the dog. As his wife approached the dog, the deer rammed Genn for the third time.

“It impaled me in the groin area. At that point, literally, I took the antler and pulled it out of me.”

Yeeowtch! And you don’t even want to know the stuff Mickey and Donald have been doing on their off time.


Posted by on November 24, 2008 in Life, News, Newsmakers


7 responses to “When Disney Attacks

  1. complicateur

    November 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

    Gilbert Genn’s christmas gift – Boxers that say “the buck stops here”.

  2. M

    November 24, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    Huh – brilliance all around! Genn has my sympathies….though of the opposide gender, the thought of being stabbed down there….yeowch!
    When we visited a koala park in Aus, there were signs all around warning that the cuddly, cute litle bears *bite* šŸ™‚


  3. memsaab

    November 24, 2008 at 3:54 pm

    It’s called thinning the herd (the human herd) and I say: go cuddly animals, go!

  4. Amey

    November 24, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    Duh, you train pandas in kung fu and then you wonder when such thing happens. We humans are crazy šŸ˜‰

  5. naren

    November 25, 2008 at 12:07 am

    LOL @ complicateur’s remark! What a daft guy, this Liu, by the way. He’s lucky Yangyang didn’t think of biting off Liu’s yang.

  6. Mamma Mia! Me A Mamma?!?

    November 25, 2008 at 1:49 am

    lol@Amey’s comment!

    What next? 101 dalmations tap dancing on our spine?

  7. Amrita

    November 26, 2008 at 1:08 pm

    Complicateur – LOLZ!!!

    M – really? I thought they just sat there getting high on eucalyptus. I swear if you put on in a pile of soft toys I wouldn’t be able to tell them apart.

    Memsaab – right on! I remember there were all these news reports of hikers who went up in the woods where mountain lions lived and got attacked – and I was like, what did you expect? The mountain lion would invite you to tea?

    Amey – I didn’t know how to work in a Kung Fu Panda ref so kudos! šŸ˜€

    Naren – Yangyang obviously prefers to swallow. (koff)

    MMMaM – more like eating off our faces I bet.

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