Gay Men: So Useful!

19 Nov


You knew this was coming! What Bollywood thinks yesterday, India thinks today. Or something like that. So now that Dostana and the family-friendly Karan Johar machine has stated that it’s totally cool to accept homosexuality (they’re just like women, except they’re funny!), all everyone can talk about is how amazingly awesome it is to, like, know a gay person. To have them as friends even! Diamonds are so last year, honey.

Maybe I’m taking this the wrong way but… Why Indian Women Want a Gay Best Friend:

* With no sexual chemistry to interfere, the relationship is relaxed, open, communicative
* Are safe escorts for late-night parties, events, help in keeping predatory males away
* Love fashion, shopping, art shows, gossip-all things that bore husbands and boyfriends
* Sensitive to a woman’s emotional needs; offer support without being judgemental
* Unlike women friends who can be jealous, aren’t competitive or catty. Hence, can give honest advice on everything from what clothes to buy to how to cope with boyfriend problems.

Is it just me or do these Indian women sound like complete assholes?

I weep for the lesbians. How come nobody wants to hang out with them and be their best friend? They have some expertise to offer, too.


Posted by on November 19, 2008 in Life, Personal


13 responses to “Gay Men: So Useful!

  1. memsaab

    November 19, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    I guess stereotyping gays is a step forward from pretending they don’t exist.

    Isn’t it?

  2. Orange Jammies

    November 19, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    One of my 4-year-olds asked his best friend in class to marry him today. His teacher hasn’t quit fuming about the “effect of Indian cinema” since and my chuckles won’t stop. But seriously, gay men friends are so convenient, I almost hear myself say, “Sit back, relax and enjoy the flight.”

  3. M

    November 19, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    Wait, this reads like something from one of Letterman’s top ten thingies…you sure it wasn’t filched from some “jokes” website? But IME, #s 1, 2 and 4 are prevalent opinions even among Americans…at least the sample set that is my department at work.


  4. Beth

    November 19, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    I say this as a long-time person very much like your cartoon above: wow, the list is derogatory to women _and_ gay men!

  5. asuph

    November 20, 2008 at 12:25 am

    rotfl. where do you find such gems?

    so what’s next?

    one thought crosses my mind. supposedly, rakhi (not samant, the the rakhi-ki-bandhan waali raakhi) used to be a common tactic to get close to a girl. so will “pretending to be gay” replace that now?

  6. apu

    November 20, 2008 at 12:59 am

    the thing is, ams, even the visibility accorded to gays isn’t given to lesbians. since sex is all about penetration, the idea of two women sleeping together isn’t quite taken seriously. (and of course, the bollywood view is that if you’re gay/ lesbian, all you think about is gay/ lesbian sex)

    so, again, what good are lesbians to bollywood or anyone else? a lesbian woman would still be seen by most men as *available.* remember that movie girlfriend where a woman “turns” lesbian due to a traumatic sexual experience or some such thing?

  7. complicateur

    November 20, 2008 at 3:38 pm

    Have you heard? Apparently “I vaant to make gay best friendship with you” requests are all the rage on orkut now.

  8. naren

    November 21, 2008 at 1:30 am

    Women who hang around with gay men are called fruit flies. (Encyclopedia Brittanica)

  9. IdeaSmith

    November 21, 2008 at 4:25 am

    Umm, actually I wrote a post awhile back about why I wanted a gay best friend and the list was remarkably similar. It certainly is somewhat selfish but I was coming from the point of view of what I saw as an advantage a gay man had over a straight man. And yes, this has nothing to do with lesbians – whether I care for them or not. One of my friends is (has recently come out) and I don’t think she feels like I’ve been anything other than respectful or supportive of her.

  10. Amrita

    November 21, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    Memsaab – one step to the front, another to the back, kick sideways and jump up-down! (I don’t know what that means, but I felt like saying it.)

    OJ – what’s she gonna say when she finds them playing doctor doctor? 😛 “Oooh, these Indian parents and their aspirations!”

    M – Nope, it’s a genuine artikul in Outlook magazine. I’m not bothered so much by them finding their gay friends convenient, but what the article seems to imply is that you ought to go out and get yourself a nice gay friend coz they’re so good for you. Kind of like getting a goldfish for company.

    Beth – ditto!

    Asuph – possibly lesbians as trial partners. Indian women want lesbian friends because they can experiment and keep their hymen! SO WRONG @ your rakhi wala comment 😀

    Apu – thankfully I haven’t seen that movie but I know what you’re talking about: :”Girlfriend”. I think the only area in which lesbians in India have it over gay men is that the only cases I’ve heard of same sex marriages taking place have both been lesbians. But definitely have seen more about gay men than women.

    Complicateur – oh, you are making the joke, funny man, but give them a couple of days and I’m sure they really will! (Or were you serious? I refuse to get on Orkut.)

    Naren – Don’t you mean Encyclopedia Narenica? Damn, I need to steal that quote! 😀

    Ideasmith – oooh, awkward! 🙂 I haven’t read your post so I don’t know if you fit into mine above but unless you think your gay friends are your coolest new accessory, we might be talking about fundamentally different things.
    But on a more general note, my problem isnt about fag hags per se, my problem is in people going out to get themselves a gay friend because they think he fits a profile. Selfish isn’t my issue. It’s more like if somebody made friends with me because they wanted an “Indian friend” who would then represent The Brownies at their cocktail party. I’d rather people chose me to be a friend because of myself and then if they get something extra out of it, i’d be only too happy. Like your friend – she is your friend who happens to be a lesbian. She’s not your lesbian friend.

  11. Mamma Mia! Me A Mamma?!?

    November 25, 2008 at 1:01 am

    True…we hear all about the ‘gay best friend’. The idea of a woman having a ‘lesbian best friend’ will have many minds working on overdrive thinking naughty thoughts and wondering what kind of girlie pillow talk the two girls could be sharing.

    I agree with your comment to Ideasmith. A friend is a friend is a friend. Imagine if we were to start giving terms and names to all our friendships; “She’s my best Mallu friend”, “She’s my best married Bong friend”, “He’s my best Facebook firend”….

    People! Make friends! Don’t collect labels!

  12. PPCCeeeeee

    November 25, 2008 at 5:52 pm

    Ohhh dear.

    Can I second Memsaab’s comment – maybe this is moving in the right direction? I seem to recall much of these “reasons” were (and are still!) cited by Americans back in the day (e.g. 80s and 90s) as it grew up and shed some of its old school homophobia. At least, I’m a little pessimistic about the idea of a country where homosexuality is illegal to suddenly jump to anything tremendously enlightened in its mainstream media (hence why I thought Dostana was pretty great!). Baby steps! 😛

  13. Amrita

    November 26, 2008 at 1:12 pm

    MMMaM – Huh, that hadn’t even occurred to me re: lesbian friends. But you’re right! I also think a lot more people think lesbians can be “cured”.

    PPCC – Oh, it’s definitely a step up from 99% of the stuff we get served re: gay people because, hey! at least it’s not about them getting attacked! It’s about them getting a little love and appreciation instead. It still is pretty icky though.

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