Why KarzzzKarz

19 Oct
You Take That Back! I Can Too Act!

You Take That Back! I Can Too Act!

Now that Himesh Reshammiya’s next shot at respectable stardom, Karzzz, has hit the big screen, look out for all the Negative Nancies (my favorites: one, two), telling you why and to what degree this remake sucks. To them I say… well, I say “True!”

But! I would like to point out that there are actually ways in which Karzzz trumps Karz. Yes, really! For example:

1. In Karz, Raj Kiran is the sap who falls for a no-good murderous golddigger and gets bumped off for his pains. But after that, he gets rewarded by coming back as disco-dancing Rishi Kapoor. Upgrade!
However, in Karzzz, the libidinous dumbo is Dino Morea and he gets what’s coming for him all right – he comes back as The Himesh. Now you could argue that this is possibly an upgrade given The Himesh has more of a career than ol’ Dino, but look, when your entire raison d’etre is your face… you see where I’m going with this? That’s some good thinking, right there.

2. In Karz, you couldn’t help but feel Simi Garewal outclassed everyone else on set. I mean, this lady was the Real Deal. Kamini might have been made of evil but it’s like someone getting up at an AA meeting to say: “Champagne made me what I am!” Heart-wrenching tale, I’m sure, but it’s still freaking Champagne!
In Karzzz, on the other hand, you feel no such compunction. Urmila Matondkar’s Kamini the Kameeni is the kind of godawful skank whose inner skankiness can’t be hidden even if she took hour long baths in the very essence of Prada and you can’t wait for her to hit the pavement face first. It takes a very special kind of idiot indeed to fall for her. (Which just gave me an idea: somebody should do a feminist viewing of this film. Seriously! Do it! I’ll read.)

3. I don’t know what Lakshmikant Pyaarelal were thinking when they composed the music for Karz but could it have been… grandstanding? The damn music is so catchy, you find yourself fastforwarding through the film, just so you can watch Rishi shake his booty to “Om Shanti Om”, revolving stage, sing-along crowds and all.
In Karzzz, there is no such fear. Not only is the music snoozeworthy but once you’ve seen Urmila grimace and contort her face through “Tan-tan-tandoori Nights” (sung at the world-famous, hip and happening, Indian Tandoori Club), it pretty much kills your desire to watch any of the songs. However, if you feel differently, there’s nothing to worry about – song succeeds song every five minutes. This is helpful because it signals your brain as to when a scene has come to an end.

4. One of the pivotal characters in Karz was the quixotic Kabira as played by Pran.
These days, however, any character with a penchant for Sant Kabir’s couplets would presumably get short shrift from the movie going public. So we have Danny Denzongpa plugging Himesh Reshammiya’s dialogues from Aap Ka Surroor. The Movieee. The Real Luv Storyyy. Don’t hate on the man just coz he thinks ahead, fools.

5. Which brings us to the dialogues! Subhash Ghai, the director of Karz, was obviously asleep at the wheel when he was making the original. It was full of commonplace dialogue that might have explained plot points and other boring stuff but it wasn’t anything earth-shattering, you know? No catch-word that would instantly tell the listener that here stands Ravi Verma reborn. He would have you believe that this was deliberate – a break from the conventions of 1970s masala movie-making. But the public has always known better. You fell down on the job, Subhash!
Well, Karzzz saw that problem and fixed it. Sample: “I heard something once – unlucky in gambling, lucky in love. And it’s reverse also exists – lucky in gambling, unlucky in love.” Sounds a lot like “lucky at love, unlucky at cards” but so much more detailed, don’t you think? Which is why Kamini immediately recognizes it! “I have heard that clunky line somewhere before,” she think to herself, a hunted expression in her round eyes. Muahahaha! You can run but you cannot run forever, eventually you will have to stop and attempt to hide but that will prove impossible, Kameeni!

6. Now, remakes of beloved movies always suffer from comparisons between the current lot of actors and the original cast. But Karzzz knows its limits. It’s one thing to switch in The Himesh for Rishi Kapoor and Danny Denzongpa (yay! Danny!) for Pran, but who’re you gonna get for Premnath? I’m sure someone thought “Boman Irani!” at some point (and definitely “Feroz Khan!” from the looks of things) but ultimately they made the right call – Karzzz‘s Sir Juda is an anonymous Blue Man (with strange beard) minus the blue paint. Not only that, but he eschews things like those humble 1970s’ tables for an electronic keyboard instead. An electronic keyboard grafted on his hand, people!

7. Karz was short on memorable dialogue but it made up for the lack with an iconic murder in front of a roadside Kali temple and the haunting refrain of “Ek Haseena Thi”.
That kind of thing might have worked in the 70s but this is the 21st century! We play a different game round these parts. So in Karzzz, Kamini the Kameeni takes a leap out of an airplane with the sole parachute while Dino the Dumbo takes a header straight to the Kali temple. That’s the way we do it, baby!

8. It’s so much more entertaining to watch scenes like this:
Urmila: “Don’t you realize the vast difference between our ages?”
Himesh: “I don’t care if I’m younger! What’s 20 years between lovers?”

9. Wall safes that open when you clap to a special beat. ‘Nuff said.

10. Face it: Rishi Kapoor wasn’t such a revolutionary pick for this role, was he? He was the gora-chitta teen heartthrob – he was already a rockstar. He didn’t need to convince anybody about anything. All he had to do was walk in and the stage was ready to go.
But in Karzzz, The Himesh has a much harder row to hoe. (Heh heh. I said “hoe”. Er…) He really needs to work for that revenge, converting one person at a time to his cause even if they are all struck with that mystery Bollywood disease called I’m Gonna Pretend You Look Completely Different From the Way You Do Because You’re All I Have to Work With.


Posted by on October 19, 2008 in Celebrity, Entertainment, Movies, Review


23 responses to “Why KarzzzKarz

  1. bollyviewer

    October 19, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    OMG you really watched this one and sat through the whole movie!!! Bollywood should be proud of fans so dedicated to the cause of fillums. Or were you merely doing a good turn for your readers – watch and tell, so none of us has to watch? Anyhow, you’ve convinced me that Himesssss is a great choice – as long as I dont have to see him!

  2. pitu

    October 19, 2008 at 10:37 pm

    I agree with bollyviewer. Amrita, you are a saint. Jai Ho Amrita Mata kkkkkki!! *hoo–hoo–hooooooo*

  3. Banno

    October 20, 2008 at 1:58 am

    You have been very brave. I am still trembling at the edge of the pool. Maybe I’ll be content with dipping my toes in (reading your review) and go back home. 🙂

  4. Mudra

    October 20, 2008 at 3:34 am

    Whoa… Sounds like something.

  5. Amey

    October 20, 2008 at 9:05 am

    The reviews almost make me want to see the movie. BTW, I predicted the movie’s fate in January:

    I guess I should start giving numerological advice (or, just advice) to directors how not to name their movies.

  6. Orange Jammies

    October 20, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    And what about Bakhtyar Irani as Dr. Dayal with his cringeworthy Parsi-can’t-speak-Hindi accent? I was giggling from chord # 1. Totally paisa vasool. Although anybody bumping off Shweta Cardboard Kumar will certainly be doing humanity a huge honking favor.

  7. memsaab

    October 20, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    You are either a saint, or you really need more of a life, I’m not sure 🙂

    I refuse on principle to see a film with more than two zz’s in the title (or for that matter any film with three of the same letter in a row). And just looking at Himesh and his wig/weave/whatever makes me want to run screaming.

  8. A Cynic in Wonderland

    October 21, 2008 at 2:21 am

    …and himezzz has better tresses ( what if it is false?) than ole rishi

  9. Saakshi O. Juneja

    October 21, 2008 at 2:23 am

    Is it only me or do you think too that 2008 Kamini version aka Urmila’s body has been taken over by some dead model wanna be…I mean seriously what’s with the woman’s walk?

  10. M

    October 21, 2008 at 10:37 am

    You Brave Woman! After being subjected to the songs on B4U (I *Really* need to get rid of my subscription :-)) I can’t imagine a bigger waste of time or money – except possibly “Golmaal Returns”

    But no, not even your comments will make me see this movie!


  11. Amrita

    October 21, 2008 at 11:32 am

    Bollyviewer, Pitu and Banno : hee hee hee! Thanks! but I figured I’ve made so much fun of him over the years, I owed it to him to see the movie at least! And then say something nice about it even if I had to strain every muscle. Now back to regular programming.

    Mudra – it is indeed! Just what, I don’t know 🙂

    Amey – you totally did call it! And if you’re really planning to go, make sure you take a friend along, it makes the thing actually watchable.

    OJ – you know I managed to come up with something at least snarky nice about almost every one in the movie but Shweta Kumar and her vacant eyes? Not a chance. Girl makes that previous The Himesh heroine (what was her name again?) look absolutely brilliant by comparison.

    Memsaab – i need more of a life! 😀 The best part about his combover is that it naturally thins as it gets to the end and inspite of all the hairspray he must dump on it, the ends stand around his nape like an inverted picket fence. Too giggle inducing for words!

    Cynic – AND he has a firmer mouth than Rishi. Wait, did I just notice the Himesh’s mouth? Bleurgh!!!!!!

    Sakshi – you’re right! A little too “I’m Vamp, hear me roar!” isn’t it? But what really struck me about Urmila this time was her face. She has these terribly girlish expressions that I think she picked up as a child artiste and now she’s stuck with them. Which look frightening on a woman in her 30s.

    M – You Wise Woman! hee hee hee!

  12. Amey

    October 22, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    Shweta Kumar and her vacant eyes?

    Well, how else a girl “debuting” with a “hero” about double her age, with double her hair is going to look?

  13. Beth

    October 22, 2008 at 2:12 pm

    Wheeeezing with laughter. I do _not_ volunteer for the feminist reading mission, though I hope someone does. At least the woman is on the upper end of the age difference, for once.

  14. Sue

    October 23, 2008 at 11:33 am

    “Heh heh. I said “hoe”. Er…”

    Tsk tsk…

  15. Amrita

    October 23, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    Amey – but she was out-acted by that chick in that other Himesh movie, whatsername who used to be a child artist on TV. That’s pretty low, isnt it?

    Beth – dammit, I need to find another sucker, er, i mean, another person now. 😛

    Sue – I’m ashamed 😦 But you wouldn’t blame me if you saw this movie. I swear!

  16. RajaSen

    October 24, 2008 at 6:25 am

    ‘Ashamed,’ she claims, lying through her teeth.

    As for kzzz, at least it ain’t no Drona.

  17. Amey

    October 24, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    Since we are talking about “that chick in the other Himesh movie”, let’s all pray together that Shweta Kumar doesn’t end up working with Govinda in her next movie.

    And child actors on TV are good actors. You should know, you just posted a video starring one of them (that too, with a Khan) 😉

  18. Pitu

    October 24, 2008 at 4:44 pm

    Are yall talking abt Hansika Motwani?

    There’s a film that had Govinda romancing Preeti Jhangiani.. can’t remember the name.. Sukh? The promos were yikes!

  19. Amey

    October 25, 2008 at 12:37 pm

    @Pitu: Bingo… and she was last seen acting with Govinda in “Money Hai to Honey Hai”

  20. Amrita

    October 26, 2008 at 12:23 pm

    Raja – Ooooh, ouch. Not Abhishek’s year at all. 😀

    Pitu – THAT”S her name. Meh. As for that Govinda movie, it gave me many minutes of fun, thinking up puns for what the junta’s reaction would be, but then nobody saw it. Fail.

    Amey – I hear his daughter wants to be an actress now. I saw the poor kid’s pic and um… oh man. the knives that are gonna come out.

  21. Pitu

    October 26, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    saw the poor kid’s pic and um… oh man

    nuthin like poor ole Mimoh. he is the baap of doomed-to-fail star kids :-p

  22. the mad momma

    October 27, 2008 at 2:01 pm

    even Urmila’s new boobs couldnt save the movie huh?!

  23. Amrita

    October 27, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    Pitu – Mimoh is the king of all failed star kids.

    MM – not with that face 😛

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