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I Want (Man) Candy!

01 Oct

It seems to me that every so often somebody will wake up and realize that there are a lot of women living in this world and occasionally they too like to watch movies. Recently, the Sex and the City movie provided the wake up call and we were handed The Women as a bonus (if you can call it that, which you wouldn’t if you’ve ever seen the original but that’s a different story).

Which is, of course, very nice of them and I appreciate the effort, but what I’d like to know is, when do we get our version of Charlie’s Angels? You know, eye candy held together with a reasonably coherent narrative? And yes, I know the movie was all “Woo! Girl power!” but let’s not kid ourselves – Charlie’s Angels is for women the way Errol Flynn movies were for men. My boyfriend-at-the-time didn’t practically dislocate my shoulder pulling me into the nearest theatre on opening weekend because he was a fellow feminist.

I don’t have anything against traditional chick flicks: a nice (or even passable) romcom or three-hanky-weep-fest, but once in a while, all you want is a little eye candy. Look at Gerard Butler. It’s been two years and he’s still coasting on his 300 abs. Seriously, how hard up are women in the objectification stakes? At least the teens get Zac Efron and company. Thank God for Daniel Craig and his revamped Bond franchise or we’d have nothing at all.

So here’s my little proposal: an old style fantasy/ vaguely historical pic with three yummy men, tongue-in-cheek but not outright ha-ha fight scenes with very little to nonexistent bloodshed, a bit of bodice ripping, maybe one true-love plot that ends in tragedy in the middle of the movie (so we don’t saddle ourselves with extra characters in the sequel, of course!), and a happy ending.

After much inner debate and research, I propose these three men for their abilities in sword-fighting, shirtlessness, wearing period costume, and yearning glances of love:

Richard Armitage: As his work on Robin Hood indicates, he can definitely smolder, yearn, glare, swing a sword and strip off at exactly the right moment. He can also kiss very effectively as we’ve found out on other shows. He needs to work a bit on the “thrilling manhandling of women” bit that every hero in this kind of movie is required to do (as opposed to plain old manhandling which is frowned upon and invariably results in death).

As you can see above on the left, his Guy of Gisborne armor is a little hard to put into context (I mean, it could be the assistant director’s bald uncle Bob under that cookpot getup for all we know) but what matters is not what how he wears it, but what happens when he takes it off (NSFW!!). Maid Marian would agree. And she doesn’t even like him.

Takeshi Kaneshiro: If pressed, I might be able to come up with drawbacks for the other two but Kaneshiro? I seriously don’t know a single thing this man can’t do. He acts, he fights, he loves, he teases, he plays, he looks the way he does… I hate to sound like a refugee from a fanboard but why isn’t this man in every single movie ever made? (Maybe then we’d get some decent fan clips, yes?)

And as you see to the right, he is the only man in the universe who can manage to look hot with a monkey cap prototype tied under his chin. And yes, I know this isn’t exactly armor but hey, it’s a period piece faithfully copied from ancient paintings and things, so er… that counts? Besides, it’s a little hard to do those sword fights if you have a ton of steel cloaking you from head to toe.

Whatever. I want him.

Hrithik Roshan – This one was really difficult. Unlike the other two, I don’t really feel it with Hrithik but even I have to admit, he’s as pretty as a picture as long as he can control his need to try hard. He gave his facial contortions the day off in Jodha Akbar and I thought it did wonders. I’m also aware that I’m one of a minority and a lot of people feel really squishy about him. So, fine, this one is for you. Don’t say I never did anything for the sisterhood.

And he can rock the funny Mughal cap. Anybody who can wear that without looking like a dope deserves to be at least considered for this list. That sword practice scene didn’t do him any disservice either (before you Hrithik lovers unite to slay me, I tried to find a clip with the original music but there simply wasn’t one available).

***

So those are my fantasy movie Big Three, chosen because they’re pretty much all of a generation and I think they’d go together visually speaking. But I’m open to other suggestions. Fire away!

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18 Comments

Posted by on October 1, 2008 in Celebrity, Entertainment, Movies, Personal

 

18 responses to “I Want (Man) Candy!

  1. M

    October 1, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    Oh I hear you on the lack of eye-candy for women..and I so hear you on the addition of the Roshan…I’d like him to be completely silent in the movie though -for some reason, any squishy feelings turn vaguely maternal when he talks! 😦

    I’d also add Pierce Brosnan to the list…sigh. What can I say…I’m a sucker…I even saw some arbitrary movie of his wheer he played some kind of beach bum (Can’t remember name, was on a flight) just becasue he was on it…so yeah, he can’t act much, but we’re talking eye-candy!

    M

     
  2. Kanan

    October 1, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    First of all, eeewww @ that frog. *ugh*

    eh @ first two men 😛

    drool @ the last one… 😀

    My current three would have to be Kunal Kapoor, Shahid Kapoor and Aftab Shivdasani. But let me tell you, this could change later on in the day.

     
  3. memsaab

    October 1, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    Yeh…Hrithik doesn’t do it for me I have to admit.

    If I could avoid time/space/aging constrictions mine would be Shammi (of course), Colin Firth and the guy who drives the garbage truck every Tuesday and Fridays to my building 🙂

     
  4. ana

    October 1, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    I needed this thread today. . . along with tons of chocolate. 😛

    and very tantalizing eye-candy. To add to yours. . .or mine: Gary Oldman. Anytime. Anywhere. *slurp*

     
  5. Pitu

    October 2, 2008 at 1:44 am

    Hehe, this is me being super smug. I donts need no mo eye candy coz Khuda gave it to me years ago when he made the BP rising fest that is Asoka.

    My lovah SRK + bare chest ALL THE TIME + sword fights + long hair + steamy scenes and songs + SRK bathing in the dappled sunlight

    *hyperventilates and drools over much-watched and paused Asoka dvd*

    I sorta got a second, weaker version in Paheli. It had bare-chested SRK too and he bathed in the film 😀 A third gift from Khuda was the Lux commercial 😀

    Wot can I say, I have no regrets in life 🙂

     
  6. DewdropDream

    October 2, 2008 at 5:27 am

    Sigh!! You’ve showered me with realisation, revelation and epiphany!!! Takeshi Kaneshiro!!! Life was meaningless till I saw him today!!! 😀 And Richard Armitage??? DRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!! 😀

    I think I’ll pick Milind Soman over Hrithik lekin… anyone who looks that good at past 40 is eternally droolicious!

     
  7. OrangeJammies

    October 2, 2008 at 5:45 am

    Waitaminute!!! Where, O where is ANTONIO BANDERAS???

    I must be weird or something about none of the Indian midgets turn me on. Arjun Rampal’s the only hottie in the country, other than my Boy.

     
  8. Prasanth

    October 2, 2008 at 6:05 am

    I hate to intrude….
    but all you people are getting is Abhishek Bachchan and and Kay Kay Menon in what might most probably a horrendous show-Drona! :P:P:P

     
  9. rads

    October 2, 2008 at 11:30 am

    Kaneshiro: *swoon*
    God bless you for finding him 🙂

    personally, though I think Hrithik’s a hunk and all that, but he yet doesn’t do it for me. But you have to give the guy credit. When men look not-so-good these days in traditional attire, the guy pulled off a turban and made it look sexy too!

     
  10. Amrita

    October 2, 2008 at 2:46 pm

    M – Takeshi is the only one I’d actually want to act in this movie of mine. I just want the lot of them to stand there and… I don’t know. Dance or something :mrgreen:
    Have you seen PB as a Native American? I don’t remember the movie but it was really hilarious to see him with the braids and things. But very pretty.

    Kanan – I’m with you till the third. Did you say AFTAB SHIVDASANI????!!!! *thud* Just fainted from horror.

    Memsaab – hahahaha, mine would be the UPS guy. 😳

    Ana – I was PMSing last week and thinking about what I really needed and this post just wrote itself 😀 Gary Oldman? I guess I can see it.

    Pitu – hee hee hee!!! It’s funny, I love Asoka but I never thought about the bare bodied thing until recently when reading Todd’s write up of it over at Teleport City. Paheli and the Lux commercial did absolutely nothing for me, but I’m willing to spot you Asoka, yes.

    DDD – you’re welcome!!! 😀 You have to watch House of Flying Daggers (which isn’t his best work or anything like that but I think it’s the best intro to him – and Andy Lau who is just yum) and North & South for RA. Milind Soman is yummy, why doesn’t he make more movies? I thought that Rules movie was pretty fun.

    OJ – awww, I don’t know where he went either. He just sort of disappeared a few years back and nobody’s found him yet. AR is growing on me slowly. I really didn’t care for him much in the early days but I really do think this work is getting better of late. Ramsu seems to be the only other person in agreement.

    Prasanth – HAHAHAHA!! Don’t forget The Himesh. We’re gonna have us some hair!

    Rads – glad to see you back! I recommend the same to you as to DDD. 😀 You’ll thank me!

     
  11. M

    October 2, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    Asoka? Asoka? With the Kareena as Princess? Yikes! (g, d and r very fast :-))
    Actually I *am* reasonably fangirly w.r.t. the Khan, but Kareena SO puts me off *any* movie she’s in…

    Amrita – perfect description of what you would like them to do! I agree…
    and PB as a native American? Yikes…my crush *might* have died from that one…

    Arjun Rampal – bah! A block of wood looks (and emotes) better! (g, d, and running even faster, I think)

    M

     
  12. Pitu

    October 2, 2008 at 6:27 pm

    M, I absolutely adore Kareena but honestly I didn’t actually notice her in the movie. For that matter, I can’t rly recall any dialogs or plot developments in the film either. But it is one my fave movies simply because of SRK’s generous exposure :-p 100% man candy 😀

     
  13. desigirl

    October 3, 2008 at 5:47 am

    That Kanashiro watsisface looks fricking hot! whoooo! I want some.

    Hrithik’ permanently flared nostrils put me off but even I found him bearable in J.A. But not enuf to put him on a hottie list.

    My latest hottie is Mark Harmon – yeah been watching too many NCIS re-runs. That’s my biggest gripe with Heroes – rocking series but not one swoonworthy hottie. and no, Milo doesn’t count – not even as the baddie.

     
  14. Amrita

    October 3, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    M & Pitu – LOL 😀

    DG – what, Adrian Pasdar not do anything for you? I haven’t been watching that show for the past couple of seasons but the only reason I stuck around in season one was in case Adrian took his shirt off once more 😳 YUMMY!!! I’ve never been on the Milo love train though. I thought he was annoying on Gilmore Girls and it kind of stuck (even though I felt that way about all of her boyfriends)

     
  15. Kanan

    October 3, 2008 at 11:21 pm

    Aye aye! Afty is hotty and if you give me the unshaven look I’ll start drooling.

    *swoon* only if I knew him in real life… sigh!

     
  16. desigirl

    October 6, 2008 at 4:56 am

    Adrian’s kinda old, ain’t he? Check out this Aero bloke – now he’s yummy!

    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=aXV8aWyZvAs

     
  17. pitu

    October 6, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    Kanan, kaash main India mein hoti to teri manokamna puri hoti. Aftab lives in my friend’s building in B’bay and they’ve been friends since they were like 5 or so.

     
  18. Amrita

    October 6, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    Kanan – meet Pitu. Your new best friend. 😀

    DG – I like ’em older 😳

     
 
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