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Bag Hag

31 Jul
Katie Holmes says Good Morning America

Katie Holmes says Good Morning America

Are they all moving house? What the fuck kind of formal event requires you to carry half your luggage on your arm?

Look, I admit it: I have occasionally looked at a bag and fallen instantly, desperately in lust. Of course, I usually can’t be bothered to carry any of them unless I run out of pockets to stuff things in or am headed for a formal event. But I do have the bag loving genes. I know this. Here are some other things I know:

She who has big bag will soon carry everything her husband / boyfriend owns. [This I learned by 18. I impart my wisdom freely to those of you who’re still wondering why your bag feels like you stuck a concrete block in there when all you did was put in your lipstick of the day and your iPhone. Take a good look at your significant other – is he carrying anything? Exactly.]

She who carries big bag to glitzy event implies that she would also appreciate a construction crane to apply her make-up. [Seriously. Even if I carried a change of clothes in there, I’d still find a way to make it fit into a clutch. Prioritize. Learn to pack.]

She who needs a big bag either travels a lot or needs to de-clutter her life. [Is that your ticket stub from a New Kids on the Block concert? Tsk, tsk.]

She who carries big, big purse paid big, big money for it. [The thing has to pay for itself, right? Why waste your $3000 bag on the cashier at your local supermarket when you can show it off in the tabloids?]

She who can make every single thing look awful is named Rani Mukherjee. [eg: this fugly ass grandma tote is apparently a bonafide Dior.]

She who should never be allowed to buy another bag – ever – is Dimple Kapadia. [eg: just look at those pictures below! Would you carry a carcass on your arm and call it a purse?]

click to enlarge… at your own risk

[Jessica Simpson pic courtesy CDAN, Katie Holmes via The Purse Blog, all others: High Heel Confidential]

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17 Comments

Posted by on July 31, 2008 in Celebrity, Life

 

17 responses to “Bag Hag

  1. Pitu

    July 31, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    Hahahahaha, she prolly carries all of Tom’s medication in it :-p Oops, wait he doesn’t ‘believe’ in medication. Hmm

     
  2. Never Mind

    July 31, 2008 at 5:56 pm

    See thats the thing.It a micor clutch costs about the same as this Birkin monstrosity, I would get this one. At least you could carry your entire life with you in this one. 🙂

     
  3. bollyviewer

    August 1, 2008 at 12:23 am

    Its a great thing for a quick get-away and carries a complete change-over kit for when she wants to escape Tom …err… I mean the paperazzi!

     
  4. narendra shenoy

    August 1, 2008 at 2:23 am

    I guess this is what happens when a brilliant designer finds he’s getting a great deal on mass produced red leather from Guangzhou province. “Find a sucker, boys!” the shout goes to the marketing department and that his how Ms Holmes gets saddled with that daaaarling bag. There is also the possibility that when people see a hideous thing like that bag, they might not notice how hideous the hag is.

     
  5. Pitu

    August 1, 2008 at 3:20 am

    ‘they might not notice how hideous the hag is’

    LOL! 😀

     
  6. Amey

    August 1, 2008 at 9:21 am

    <i.Even if I carried a change of clothes in there, I’d still find a way to make it fit into a clutch.

    Reminds me of a recent quote by somebody about a tiny bikini a celeb wore, about how you could fold it and store it in your nostril (note the singular) 😉

     
  7. sachita

    August 1, 2008 at 11:04 am

    is that gauri khan? does she carry a plastic surgeon in that bag?

     
  8. memsaab

    August 1, 2008 at 11:45 am

    Ha ha hahaahahahhaaaaahahaha! to your post and the comments that follow…

    Let’s not forget to mention how deformed carrying something that enormous ends up making your back and shoulders. Gauri carrying her plastic surgeon. Too too funny!

     
  9. M

    August 1, 2008 at 11:57 am

    As a proud card-carrying member of the big-bag brigade, I must speak up in defense of large bags – I don’t think my bag is clutterred, but with a typical suburban-mom life, there is no way I can manage with a clutch – I know you’re talking about formal events, which my lifestyle is a stranger to, but in general, I mean…

    and I do LOVE the look of the Birkin – not the monstrous version Katie is carrying, but the normal sized one – though given its price, love-its-look is all I can do!

    M

     
  10. Pitu

    August 1, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    Hey, it’s off topic, but I am really digging the new Klimt blog wallpaper.

     
  11. Kanan

    August 1, 2008 at 2:35 pm

    OMG thank you for the post. I switched to small purse after reading your post. I am one of those folks who can’t let go of big bags. 😦 Wish I weren’t like that though. I’m gonna try to read your post every time I get an urge to switch to bigger bag.

    Btw, mine aren’t the hideous kinds, most of them are the ones from India with nice artsy work on them and vibrant colors and others are leather ones. I do have a box full of tiny ones too so now it’s time to use those.

     
  12. Amrita

    August 2, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    Pitu, Bollyviewer, NS, Amey, Sachita, Memsaab – hee hee 😀

    Pitu – I don’t know why I never thought of it before. I was kind of stuck on Van Gogh for some reason.

    Kanan – awww, now you make me feel bad 😦 I wasn’t trying to be mean. But really, use the tiny ones if you go out in the evening. They are darling and nobody can take advantage of you in them 🙂

    M – I love the Birkin too but unless I was prepared to use it the way you use your big bags, I wouldn’t buy it. Suburban moms get exemption from my snark! 😀

    NM – Hmm, well I guess I can see that if one bag is all you can afford but if you’re the kind of person who’s willing to shell out a few thousand for a bag, my guess is that you can afford at least one more. 😛 It’s like buying one pair of really expensive shoes – what’s the point when everybody will know that’s the one you have?
    This could be why I never buy anything 😳 I never know when to stop.

     
  13. desigirl

    August 2, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    It’s prolly Tommy Girl’s escape hatch – when she wants to get away from the loony bin, she prolly jumps into its cavernous depths and does a disappearing act? But then why she’d return is my next q. Or…. she has her baby stashed in there!!!

     
  14. Kanan

    August 3, 2008 at 2:47 pm

    Hey Amrita, no no, don’t feel bad. It’s all for good. 🙂 My sister will be so happy your post did it. She’s tried to convince me so often and given up now. In just one day I realized I’m overstuffing the smaller one. Need to work on it. 😛 Thx!!

     
  15. Amrita

    August 6, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    DG – maybe it’s like a magician’s hat and it’s actually her bolt hole and not her escape hatch 😀

    Kanan – lolz, ok, if you say so.

     
  16. Nida

    August 7, 2008 at 3:44 pm

    Oh, I am so guilty. My friends give me such a hard time about this–every time I go to the bathroom and leave my purse behind I come back to fresh jokes about the size of the thing (“Hey, do they make you check that in at the airport?” , etc). Oh, and I work at a Mexican restaurant and sometimes they throw whole limes and silverware in my purse and I don’t see it until I get home.

    You know what, though, Amrita? You are so right on with your list!!! I DO need to declutter (I’ve got ATM receipts from 2007), I DO end up holding everyone of my friends pack of cigarettes or cell phones on a “girl’s night out”, and carry about 20 different shades of lipgloss at any given time(Not entirely my fault, I used to work for MAC and have a boatload of glosses I switch off on).

    I have a boyfriend but don’t end up carrying his stuff because he actually carries a backpack around. Read:manpurse. Guess we’re a match made in heaven :)…

    And…I have to admit…I love Katie’s bag in the first pic, but that’s pushing it!

     
  17. Amrita

    August 8, 2008 at 2:35 pm

    Nida – I must say you bag lovers are taking this very well. I was expecting rotten tomatoes coming my way 😀 hang on to that boyfriend! A guy who’d carry his own stuff is worth it. And you used to work for MAC? I want that job!

     
 
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