Are you running low on some outrage? Lack things to cogitate upon over your Cobb salad? Coz if you are, do I have some some stuff to rev you up and make you all happy! Today’s selection includes:
Angelina Jolie: She dresses her kids in black. Oh noes! She must hate them! What kind of a bad parent does that? It’s summer, don’t let the babies wear black! Not even if they have their hearts set on it. Or else they’ll grow up into vampires or something. Not that Angelina cares as is evident from little Zahara’s unbraided hair. Everyone knows little black girls shouldn’t go natural.
Aamir Khan: has a dog named Shah Rukh. He blogs about said puppy licking his feet, begging for food and smelling a bit. it’s WAR in Bollywood people!
Miley Cyrus: Yet another Disney teen who acts like an actual teen and displays rather questionable judgment although nobody’s mentioned a sex tape yet. Like posing “topless” for Annie Leibovitz – but only because Leibovitz is basically Medusa with a camera who’d totally turn you into stone if you refused to obey her scandalous directions and expose your 15-year-old back for the doubtful edification of the readers of Vanity Fair a.k.a. Magazine Whose Readers Have No Idea Who The Fuck Miley Cyrus Is. Or so says Camp Cyrus and Disney.
Beverly Hills 90210: A spinoff has been announced! More like Battle of the 80s Has Beens. Sorry, but I’m way too young to be excited about this and any show that has the doubtful taste to hire Tori Spelling is automatically doomed from the start. I don’t know what to do with the information that Rob Thomas is involved in this, though. Really? You wiped Veronica Mars from your mind to make this? Hmm. I hear Moonlight got canceled. if you hire Jason Dohring I might actually care about this show. How’s that for incentive?
Sex and the City the Movie: Okay, I’m mildly curious about this. But not if I have to also care about Sarah Jessica Parker as a style icon. Sorry, no can do. For Pete’s sake, the woman walks about with an oversized leprechaun’s hat on her head! Or whatever that thing is on top of her head in the picture to the right. But what do I know? Apparently this is what high couture means. But I do know a thing or two about the movies and how they’re promoted and anybody willing to do that for a movie must know it sucks gnats’ knees.
American Idol: Yeah, I really care about a David Archuleta – David Cook – Syesha Mercado top three finale. Pfft. Just put crazy Paula “I don’t abuse any substance other than Simon Cowell and Coca Cola” Abdul on a loop, Fox – it’ll probably get you better ratings.
Amitabh Bachchan: Tiresome icon who won’t go away. Started a blog (yay!) and now spends all his time posting his interviews (boo!) and taking potshots at people (nice!). Oh well, man’s got to have a hobby. And his style is such that if I were a crazed Amitabh stalker type person, I could just imagine him writing me letters and posting in newspaper clippings. No wonder his fans love it. I just wish the media wouldn’t make such a big hoo ha about his posts – if I wanted to know what he was scribbling, I could just go to his blog, you know.
Sue Simmons – Inadvertently said “fuck” on air to annoying co-host. Well, let’s just tar and feather that awful person!