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Who the Hell is This?

09 May

Have you ever seen this person before? Well, get used to him because according to the Times Online, this is the Great Khali and he’s very famous in India. For what? You see, he’s the reason why Indians (who “take [their] sport very seriously” the article informs us) “have become hooked on the melodrama and gladiatorial antics of American pro-wrestling”.

Really? Well, i guess my childhood must have been one long clairvoyant nightmare then, with all the kids going crazy about giant, bulked up men bouncing off ropes in their underwear to land on other sweaty men. Ew. I’m all for hot men on men action, but the men have to be “hot” in something more than the literal sense, you know?

They even had trading cards full of useless trivia like the height and weight and bicep size of people like… er… um… was the The Rock a pro-wrestler or a footballer? Wrestler, right? He had that strange cooking phrase he liked to use and he’d also raise his eyebrow? I remember a friend of mine annoying me with that shit way past its funniness expiration date and into college.

Although, I think my problems with those cards are to do with my dislike of trading cards in general. I mean, they’re so incredibly lame. I remember trying to get into it as a child and reading out the stats to see if I could “beat” the other person with my cunning knowledge of the person whose card I held – and as young as I was, I knew this was a bullshit scam dreamed up by some genius who wanted more of my parents’ money. The only good thing about trading cards is that there are enough rich morons out there to make the rare ones incredibly valuable. You can buy me some of those if you like.

But that’s not the point. Even Khali and his bogus job isn’t what grabs my attention. No, what I really love is this article in the Times. Consider, for example:

Khali is a monster of a man: 7ft3in (2.2m) and 30st (190kg), he is the first Indian to be signed up by World Wrestling Entertainment. “This enormous monster has walked the jungles of India, unafraid of pythons, and wrestled white Bengal tigers,” says the WWE website, possibly giving in to hyperbole. Now, eight years after his debut, Khali has had a spell as world number one and has returned to India for a holiday, and to shoot a documentary about his remarkable life. Thousands have turned out to greet him, and the President has told him that he is the pride of the nation.

BWAHAHAA!!!

I love the fact that it’s totally acceptable for the WWE to describe this guy as a jungle monster and get a Rupert Murdoch publication to excuse it because that’s what fake fighting is all about. I also love the fact that the crowd that watches the WWE in the United States is now even more confused about India: a technology behemoth that’s stealing jobs via computers located in dense forests where tigers roam and snakes hiss? Whoa!

More, I find it hilarious that you can go on “leave” from the Punjab police for over ten years, take up residence in another country, sign on to another job and still draw a salary from the Punjab government. Also entertaining is the idea that by turning the K to a Kh, he’s suddenly made the very feminine Kali (as in the Goddess) into a male.

And I think it’s perfect that our President, who is a little old lady who trundles around with the saree wrapped around her like a de facto burqa, thinks a guy who fake-wrestles in his underwear is the “pride of the nation”.

I am, however, sad that the Undertaker (a name I recognize from my childhood) is still fighting and getting trounced by newbies like Khali. That’s no way to spend your golden years. We need to start a retirement fund.

I’m sure somebody out there will soon turn my tears into joy though, when they proudly name their newborn infant Giant Singh in honor of the Great Khali. You know you want to! Don’t lie. You wish your kid could grow up like that hunk of manmeat!

But seriously, no trashing the guy himself – I can’t imagine going from a Himachali kid with little education whose big career option was to move cattle around for his neighbors, to getting written up in the international press as a star. That speaks more of cojones than all the giant talk.

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15 Comments

Posted by on May 9, 2008 in Celebrity, Entertainment, Television

 

15 responses to “Who the Hell is This?

  1. OrangeJammies

    May 9, 2008 at 1:51 pm

    Hah. Just got back from meeting the man. Well, meeting in the “three feet away at a party sense.” The dessert was yum, the party was decent, and he was…just there.

     
  2. narendra shenoy

    May 9, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Enjoyed! This guy was asked by a reporter here in India if the matches are fake. The Great Khali flew into a Great Rage and denied it outright. The press club is thinking of disrobing the reporter (or whatever you do to reporters who have blotted the copybook) for asking the daftest question since the hon correspondent from ‘Time’ asked Mr. Bush “What do you think” (Reply: “Huh?”)

     
  3. Nikhil Narayanan

    May 9, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    Quite possible. For a nation that can be brought to a standstill by IPL which is nothing more that gulli cricket,anything can happen.Adding to the stupidity, we have channels like Aaj Tak that confidently that the kids in India have nothing but Khali in mind these days. WTF! You mean, a kid in Madurai or Calicut would have nothing but Khali in mind.Gimme a break you third rate TV channel!
    Why is the media getting hyper at silly things like this?
    If there is an option of voting out channels off air, I would vote against AajTak,Star News and Times NOW.
    (No, I did not mean Rajdeep’s IBN is good)

     
  4. عمار - aMmAr

    May 9, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    I first saw him in Adam Sandler and Chris rock starer ‘The Whole Nine Yards’. I thought he was some Mexican guy. But turns out that his native tongue is Punjaaabi and not Mexicano 🙂

    For you Amrita:

    Great Khali vs The Undertaker;

     
  5. Amey

    May 9, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    I’m all for hot men on men action

    And most men would say the same about woman on woman action. So I guess it is not just gender thing…

    But seriously, no trashing the guy himself

    Does the fact that (apart from all talk of tigers in jungles) the guy is about a million feet tall and correspondingly well-built have anything to do with this? 😉

    <i.a technology behemoth that’s stealing jobs via computers located in dense forests…

    Now that would be some office. Can we leave out the snakes please?

     
  6. M

    May 9, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    And he has the most unlikely of fans – SRK for one…and is trying to get into Bollywood…he’s been all over the desi news channels for some reason, the last few days…

    Since I fall into the category that finds ANYTHING-EVEN-GOLF better to watch than WWE/WWF the wonders of the great Khali escaped me until 5 year old nephew enlightened me….sigh.

    M

     
  7. terri

    May 9, 2008 at 8:47 pm

    Speaking of cojones … you know where my dirty mind is leading me! Um, is this guy a family man?

     
  8. Amrita

    May 11, 2008 at 12:35 pm

    Omigod, so this guy is actually famous? lolz!

    OJ – you’re Khali’s homegirl? damn!

    NS – Judging from Ammar’s video, I think his face is just stuck that way.

    Nikhil – god, Aaj Tak! I remember someone in Outlook describing the thing as a three year old trying to eat spaghetti with a spoon and I thought that was the best description of it.

    Ammar – lolz, thanks for that video!

    Amey – I’ve felt that way ever since I saw Y Tu Mama Tambien. So pretty! So hot! … arre nahin yaar, OJ never invites me to her parties so I never meet any interesting people. (OJ: hint hint 😛 )

    M – it’s the kiddies! They always get the kiddies! Total word @ golf being better. at least Tiger is cute. these people are just bhayanak.

    Terri – really? you’d tap that? HHAHAHA, I love you for that! I think he’s married to some Punjabi lass who’d probably pull your hair out. but he’s in the WWE which means he’s on roids which means he’s got a teeny weenie.

     
  9. Overated Outcast

    May 12, 2008 at 1:21 am

    There were people who actually prayed for him to win the title in February. (Thank you Hindi News channel I was watching in shock).

    And the whole world and their uncle knows that wrestling is fake and is scripted. Even the dude who runs the show went on CNN and accepted that.

    And Amrita, most guys did the Rock thing till class 12th or first year of college. Sigh. We can’t help it. It’s a guy thing. And speaking as an ex-wrestling fan, this khali guy is an outrage.

    p.s. love the “dense forest” para.

     
  10. Amrita

    May 12, 2008 at 3:32 pm

    OO – HAHAHAHAH!!! Did they spoon milk onto the idols for him? I bet it was Aaj Tak! Aaj Tak is totally on LSD. … so you’re a Rock fan huh? I seem to draw them to me 😀

     
  11. Aditya

    May 13, 2008 at 3:38 am

    I haven’t watched WWE for years now. I used to watch it when I was in school. I’m sure this Khali guy is a nice chap and all, but it does get annoying when he’s plastered over every newspaper, every day. Aaj Tak’s totally on LSD- and that’s not limited to Khali.

    Oh, I’m back btw, exams got over this past weekend. I shall get back to blogging soon. I haven’t really been following up on what’s been happening on the blogosphere over the last couple of months. 🙂

    When did the look change from black to white?

     
  12. Hobbes

    May 13, 2008 at 4:12 am

    I dunno why but whenever i turn on a hindi news channel, Khali is the only thing that they seem to be talking about. Each one of them has a weekly program that follow his exploits in the wrestling world

    And the ‘h’ in the name confused me the first time around. It sounded like ‘ The Great Khaali’ and i was left wondering y would someone call himself ‘The Great Void’. The relation with goddess kali dawned a litlle late on me…

    Btw, I m another Rock Fan who learnt to raise his eyebrow. And I can tell u its a pretty effective of scaring away pesky little kids…

     
  13. OrangeJammies

    May 13, 2008 at 11:53 am

    @Amrita: Oye, come on over anytime! I don’t know about mean, muscular lumps but I promise you dee-vine chocolate cigars. 🙂

     
  14. Amrita

    May 15, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    Aditya – you HAVE been away for the past couple of months havent you? 😛 it was an anniversary make over – one year of IQ!

    Hobbes – LOL, thats how i read it first time too! and dude, you scare kids away by raising an eyebrow? i need to make you my friend 😀

    OJ – awww, smoochies!

     
 
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