The Bachelor: Where Panties Come Free

19 Mar

This is one of those days when I wonder what other wonders of the modern world my cursed TV snobbery has snatched from me. I’ve given my time freely to such works of genius as The Anna Nicole Show and The Newlyweds but I have to admit, it was only because I had company and my interest waned in the off season to the extent that I’ve never seen two or more full seasons of any reality trainwreck of that sort. Why bother really, when they powers-that-be unfailingly come up with a new show that’s even worse and more entertaining every year.

Plus, the thing that made a terrible show so fun to watch had a good chance to end up as a sketch on a show that I actually enjoy watching – like Late Night with Conan O’Brien (yes, still!) where Conan did this killer Anna Nicole Smith impression. You know that bit where Anna Nicole goes down the stairs? Kills me.

But then things like this season’s premiere of The Bachelor take place and I wonder if I’m missing out on something. Ah, trashy TV – if only you weren’t so vast, maybe I could catch up with you. Anyway, thank God for the internet with its trick of weeding out the excess and handing us the relevant coz here’s what went down:

Meet Stacey! She’s a grad student from Chicago. A nutritionist! One day she’s gonna invent the cure for something that nobody knows is bad as of yet. And she’s gonna make this The Bachelor melt in her arms, bitches!

Meet the Bachelor! He’s some British dude whose name I didn’t catch and he does something in London and he’s looking for a girl in America because “the culture is slightly different”. Whatever. Who cares? His big highlight is that he gets to meet – Stacey! Who has a sparkly blue dress! The following is from their first interaction –

the Bachelor: All right, so you tell me, what would you do in London?

Stacey: Well, I love the ocean.

tB: Okay, I love the ocean too, but… there’s no ocean in London.

S: Uh…

tB: What do you know about London?

S: The new upbringing cars…

Amrita: British car enthusiast? Huh. She doesn’t look it. The New Upbringing? Is that a new band?

tB: Upbringing cars? (Pause) Like the Prius?

[Amrita: Well, that’s silly. That can’t possibly be what she mea-]

S: Yes!

Amrita: Oh. Um… Wow, dude totally kept a straight face. Is he in PR?

Maybe, maybe not. But I do know who deserves a show of her own – and it’s Stacey! Any woman who’d take panties off for some guy she just met on a TV show, deserves to be in the limelight.

Nutjobs. They’re our entertainment future. Believe it. Accept it. Also, eat it, lick it, snort it, fuck it. Truer words have never been spoken.

A slightly longer video here that explains all about Stacey riding the nerves of other contestants “like a pony”. :mrgreen:


Posted by on March 19, 2008 in Entertainment, Television, Video


9 responses to “The Bachelor: Where Panties Come Free

  1. apu

    March 20, 2008 at 12:43 am

    yeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww! repulsive! a bunch of young women falling over themselves to snag “The Bachelor”… Its a sign of a pathetic culture isn’t it, when educated, young women think this is a fun thing to do?

  2. Steven Schwarz

    March 20, 2008 at 2:08 am

    how bizarre, how utterly depressing, but nothing in this sick and dying culture surprises me any more

  3. DesiGirl

    March 20, 2008 at 5:20 am

    Wahey! When do we get this? I tell ya, trash TV is where it’s at!! I keep telling the hubby we shld subscribe to Living TV pronto so we can see the likes of Katie and Peter (that’s Jordon when she’s not flashing her boobies) and The Jade Goody Show. Imagine the hours of skanky fun!!

    BTW, Gray’s Anatomy Season 3 is back – Burke is still there, right? Right?? Oh the feotus looks so cute!

  4. DesiGirl

    March 20, 2008 at 5:24 am

    Oh thank you, Ams. Just watched that vid and nearly wet myself laughing. I’ll tell you why the Bachelor from London might go for Stacey – she is soooo like the ‘Ladettes’ here that get sloshed come weekend (read Thursday night) and make an absolute and total ass of themselves. If she chucks her pants at him, she is so the girl!

  5. Amrita

    March 21, 2008 at 4:27 pm

    Apu – hee hee, i never got the appeal of this show! esp coz it’s supposed to end with a marriage proposal! its just bizarre

    Steven – well this is what you get when four year old girls think Paris Hilton is a role model. But maybe that part of society will wither away from STDs and leave the rest intact? 🙂

    DG – I refuse to spill Grey’s secrets coz otherwise you’ll cry 😛 i’m glad you found the video hilarious – gives me hope for my warped sense of humor.

  6. Amey

    March 21, 2008 at 9:48 pm

    OK, first of all, nobody should be allowed to make titles like this. I thought it was a “G” rated blog.

    Secondly, what is “upbringing” cars? Does she mean, “upcoming”? And how did he guess it?

  7. Amrita

    March 22, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    Amey – hee hee, did I shock you? I can”t imagine what gave you the idea this was a G rated blog 😛
    I have no idea how she alighted on that expression or how he connected the dots. It’s been puzzling me too. However, from now on all electric cars and hybrids are the new upbringing cars to me.

  8. Amey

    March 23, 2008 at 1:39 pm

    Not as much shock as… you know… 😉 Posts should live up to their promises.

    That said, “upbringing cars”. Let’s start a movement. That word should get into Urban dictionary soon, if not OED.

  9. Amrita

    March 23, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    Amey – lolz, Stacey is about as exciting this blog is gonna get unfortunately! And I’m right there in the trenches with you with the upbringing cars. I refuse to call a Prius anything else. Although that leads to an Xrated pun 😀

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