Saif & Kareena: Meet KareLi

08 Feb

Alright! Alright! You’re a couple! I got the memo, ok? I saw the fugly ass monster tattoo, winced through the grainy video of Parikrama on stage, heard about the ring and know that you have a movie coming out this April. Mission accomplished yet? No? Okay, then: You’re a power-couple. There, I said it. Long have I struggled against the always magnetic pull of an attention-starved celebrity couple but I give up. All hail the It Couple: Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor. Crown Prince and Princess of All Bollywood.

They so pwetty, they make me eyes bug out. They so in love, it melts me icy heart. They so cool, it burn my gut (although that could be indigestion. Damn you, lamb curry, damn you!).

But what is all this Saif and Kareena business? It Couples require an It Name. This is not only true but it’s practically a law. And by “practically”, I mean I’m gonna do it so it might as well be a law. Actually, I was half tempted to use this opportunity to damn whatever moron first came up with that cutesy idea in the first place but I had so much fun thinking up a name for these two that I was able to find some measure of forgiveness in my cold, withered heart. So…

Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor. The possibilities are endless.

Say you went the surname route: KhaKa. Like Kafka but shallow and in designer togs. Or there’s the first name tag like Sareena, which kinda sorta sounds like Czarina. It’s fitting coz Saif is royalty and Kareena is Bollywood royalty (and never lets you forget it) whose Grandpa’s movies were big hits in Russia. See? Perfect. Except, of course, Sareena could also suggest that Saif is the Czarina which means he’s a queen. And I think that was Saif 1.0 not the manwhore Saif 2.0 version, don’t you?

Some of the names are just too unflattering like NaAli or KaAli – and the latter is racist as well as being inaccurate so let’s give it a miss.

You could go the Om Shanti Om route and call them Saif Kapoor or Kareena Khan, which would be doubly ironic because the two of them already have the most wanted surnames in the film industry. Actually, I vote we give Kareena the title of Khan in any case coz she’s such a little tiger. Starving tiger with a massive head these days but hey, it all photographs beautifully, so who cares?

I tried hard to put Saif first in the long-held tradition of TomKat (cute), Brangelina (borderline annoying) and Abhiwarya (seriously?! Was the person who made up that name on crack or just terminally lazy?). Unfortunately for Saif, in spite of possible monikers like SaifKapoo and SaiKa, most names skew Kareena-wards. Including my personal favorite: KareLi.

It has a certain pizazz to my ear that all the other contenders lack. For one thing, it’s such a comforting sound: it might be a first cousin of your humble karela. It says, “Don’t be afraid. I only look glamorous and vain on the outside. On the inside, I pick my nose one nostril at a time, just like you.” And in these days of the anti-Northie bias, it’s a reassuringly Mumbaiyya word – Kareli. As in, “Anything kareli for my fifteen minutes in the sun!” But put on a little make-up and slip on those high heels, and it sounds sort of exotic, especially when you say it with the right accent: Kare-Li. Bollywood can get all the Russian and Slav background dancers it wants, but we all know the hearts of Indian men really go dhak-dhak for that Oriental look.

Kareli also has another advantage – any children born of this union will automatically become Children of the Kareli and they could probably get a franchise out of it. Hopefully it won’t be a horror franchise (aww, poor kiddies) but you know what they say about two pretty people: yup, Rumer Willis.

Just sayin’.

Long live Kareli.


Posted by on February 8, 2008 in Celebrity, Entertainment, Movies, News, Video


12 responses to “Saif & Kareena: Meet KareLi

  1. nehavish

    February 8, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    Kareli! :)) I love it!

  2. headmistress

    February 8, 2008 at 6:34 pm

    hmmm I am still in shock over the tagline of their film, The Ishtyle… The Goodluck… The Pharmoola… what does that even mean??

  3. charukesi

    February 9, 2008 at 12:35 am

    love ke liye sala kuch bhi kareli? too cool! me likes! and me also likes how far you think – the Kareli kids?

  4. the mad momma

    February 9, 2008 at 6:15 am

    Ams.. no one else will say it, so let me the’re jobless but you have style 😀 loved this post. Kareli it shall be!!!

  5. sidekick

    February 9, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    Lol! I’m liking kareli — the kissing cousin of karela. its bitter but its good for us in that it rescues us (temporarily) fm speculating on Ash’s baby bump and whether john and bipasha have broken up and made up for the nth time.

  6. Amey

    February 11, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    You missed SaiNa.

    Karele ki behen KareLi. So at the time of “karele ki sagai“, did Saif and Kareena also dance there?

    Incidentally, when Kareena was going out with Shaheed, they had a kissing MMS out. Now she is going out with Saif, and apparently she will be showing her back in some movie. I think the whole Kapoor khandan is wishing that she settles down with Saif now 😉

  7. Amrita

    February 12, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    Neha – lolz 😀

    HM – that, my love, is the sound of Aditya Chopra raising a giant middle finger to all his critics who say the YRF banner has turned all style no substance under his direction.

    Charu – wait until the Kareli kids bring their besura voice to your living room as a pop act. tell me how you feel then 😀

    MM – hee hee hee

    Sidekick – AMEN!

    Amey – SaiNa – coz they’re not in the least like Sai Baba? LOL! Yeah she’s supposed to be in a bikini in this movie. Let the Bips comparisons begin.

  8. Amey

    February 12, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    Brangelina = BRAd + aNGELINA
    Abhiwariya (sorry for this) = ABHIshek + aishWARIYA

    So, SAIf + kareeNA = SaiNa.

    But yes, your logic is also not wrong 😉

  9. pogo

    April 2, 2008 at 8:02 pm

    haha this is hilarious

    kareli is better than saifeena

  10. Ritika

    December 18, 2008 at 7:58 am

    kareena kapoor is getting better but look wise i feel she lacks grace completly and over acts most of the times , i liked her in jab we met though coz the role needed over acting . As for looks thank god she finally lost weight i used to find her so fat, her face is too big.
    she’s beautiful, no doubt and her acting has been improved, before that she had an overrated acting which I disliked, but now she improved.


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