RSS

22 Things Guys Always Wanted to Know

01 Nov

…about women but were afraid to ask, according to the Edgy English Teacher. I’d mention him by his actual name but I think that says it all and more.

Being of kind disposition and brimming with the desire to do good to my fellow man, I thought I’d reproduce the list here and answer them. Okay, okay, so it’s Thursday and I’m bored – I have a post all prepared on the Tehelka-Narendra Modi thing but I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days now and I want to let it rest before I hit Publish. So I could either write about Britney getting crazier by the day or do something else and I decided this was a nice compromise. That pic, by the way, is Britney celebrating Halloween. Proof eternal that money and a #1 album don’t necessarily guarantee happiness or mental health. Pay attention kids. Moving on:

1. How do you feel after a one night stand?

Depends on who’s doing it.

2. Do you ever get used to wearing a thong?

Why is this a woman-related question? Haven’t you ever seen a man wear a thong? Try one out today!

3. Does it hurt?

No.

4. Do you know when you are acting crazy?

Yes. It’s when the knife mysteriously jumps into my hand and an unseen voice murmurs in my ear: “Bobbit! Bobbit!”

5. Does size really matter?

Yes. I mean, no. Of course, not. Well, maybe. Let’s say it could matter. :mrgreen:

6. When the bill comes are you still a feminist?

Only if I like you.

7. Why do you take so long to get ready?

Because I can. Duh.

8. Do you watch porn, too?

Please! I’m so much better than that! … I read it.
9. Will something from Tiffany’s solve everything?

No. Wait, what’re you buying me again?

10. Are guys as big of a mystery to you as you are to us?

No.

11. Why do you sometimes think you look fat?

Are you trying to tell me something?

12. Why are you always late? (oh yeah, see question six!)

See Answer six!

13. Does it bother you when we scratch?

Not unless I see it.

14. Do you wish you could pee standing up?

Only when traveling.

15. Why do so many women cut their hair short as soon as they get married?

It’s a penance.

16. How often do you think about sex?

Whenever something reminds me of it.

17. What do you think of women who sleep with guys on the first date?

Who’s the woman, who’s the man and why am I only hearing about it now?

18. Would you?

Who’s the man?

19. Do you realize every guy wants a girl just like his mom?

Yes.

20. Why does every woman think she can change him?

Coz we’re just like your mom.

21. Does it matter what car I drive?

Depends on whether that’s the best thing about you.

22. Do you ever fart?

No, I’m an alien. We all are. Bwahahahaha!

I was going to pose some questions of my own but realized I’ve never been afraid to ask any of them. I guess I must know some really nice guys.

Via Jezebel

ETA: Amey and Ruhi inspired me to convert this into a tag. Now, come on, don’t be like that! As tags go, this is pretty darn painless. So here’s my list of victims tagees: Amey, Ruhi, Jawahara, DesiGirl, Sujatha, and Terri’s Mom. Go forth and er… tag someone else, I guess.

Advertisements
 
22 Comments

Posted by on November 1, 2007 in Personal

 

22 responses to “22 Things Guys Always Wanted to Know

  1. oakbridge

    November 1, 2007 at 7:33 pm

    Fart is an art. Fart is an English language vulgarism most commonly used in reference to flatulence. The word fart is sometimes used as a nonspecific derogatory epithet, often to refer to ‘an irritating or foolish person’, and potentially an elderly person, described as an ‘old fart’. Farts can be stinky, wet, loud, or silent but deadly. Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable. You can test that with a match. QUOTE OF THE DAY: Confucius say, Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Get a Fart Button for your website. That’s right you can add a little bit of extra humor and excitement to your site by adding a Fart Button.

    The Art of the Fart

    Fart can be used as a noun or a verb. Come on admit it, your own farts smell alright to you, If you have your friends smell your farts, to everyone else they’re rotten and smell like you’ve been eating road kill. So you say “How can you make my fart not smell so bad”. Well, for starters, the gas that makes up a fart comes from two sources: more originates from the breakdown of food by the digestive system, and some is from swallowed air.

    Farts Parts

    Farts come in different shapes, sizes and stench. Farts, burps, poop, pee, boogers, scabs, warts, puss, snot and puke; these are just a few of the subjects that are being thoroughly investigated during an exhibit entitled “Grossology,” on display at the McWane Center in downtown Birmingham through Sept. Also I believe it was the subject of many conversations when I was in middle school.

    The Law of Farting

    Farting is best when it’s done on someone. At work, farting is permitted outside a Company building provided farts will not enter the building and it is not a thoroughfare for non-farters. Farting requires positioning that best maximizes the bodies ability to expel gas. Farting is unpleasant, and you should always hold it in until you can slip off to the hallway. Farting never gets old, not in the slightest, but I say farting makes me feel good, though it’s not nearly as good as that big ol’ dump in the morning. Farting is common among all humans. It keeps us humble. Farting is a privilege, not a right.

    Family of Farters

    I come from a family of open farters. Please note that I am referring to farts that make your family and friends yelp. For example, Blazing saddles will be on tonight at 9 on FOX Family. I’ll be right here at 9, if I can remember which channel FOX Family is. But first I have to clear my brain.

    The word “fart” has been incorporated into the colloquial and technical speech of a number of occupations, especially computing. Farting is always funny, and when they stink, it’s even funnier. Farts smell obnoxious because of the breakdown of compounds containing sulfur (think rotten eggs). Farting is a field ripe for exploration and indeed it’s over-ripe. Fart and the whole world farts with you.

     
  2. Amey

    November 1, 2007 at 7:57 pm

    Ahem, can you pass the questionnaire around the blogosphere please… I guess it wouldn’t be appropriate for us to tag all feminine bloggers we know.

    Who knows, you might end up with award from all of us.

     
  3. ruhi

    November 1, 2007 at 9:13 pm

    Very interesting! I’m tempted to do this one on my blog now.

     
  4. Amrita

    November 2, 2007 at 12:56 am

    Oakbridge – you’ve obviously given a great deal of thought to this 😀

    Amey – make it a tag you mean? Hmmm, I’ve never started one but there’s always a first time. You didn’t leave a link to your site but if you have one, you’re it! 🙂

    Ruhi – go on, I’ll tag! 🙂

     
  5. Sharanya

    November 2, 2007 at 2:32 am

    “6. When the bill comes are you still a feminist?

    Only if I like you.”

    Oh good answer. And how I agree! 😉

     
  6. ruhi

    November 2, 2007 at 3:11 pm

    @Amrita: Cool stuff 🙂 I’ll put it up sometime think weekend.

    Btw, I love your answers. Very witty.

     
  7. Ash

    November 2, 2007 at 3:31 pm

    LOL @ answer to Q.8 about porn…that is so true 😛

     
  8. Amey

    November 2, 2007 at 7:27 pm

    I guess WordPress didn’t show my URL earlier 😦

    Anyways, how can I answer those questions? This is a girls-only tag if ever there was one…

     
  9. terri

    November 2, 2007 at 10:53 pm

    Amrita, I can’t top your witty answers, so I’ll just sit back and enjoy. Besides, I’ve never worn a thong, so I don’t think I qualify.

     
  10. Amrita

    November 4, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    Sharanya – LOL!

    Ruhi – If I’d known people were going to judge my wit by this silly thing, I’d have tried so much harder 😦 Good deal on the other 🙂

    Ash – I know, right? I think maybe its a girl thing! 🙂

    Amey – dude, I didn’t know it was you before 🙂 I thought it was some chick I’d never met before. Then I checked your email ID and I was like, duh! Sorry 🙂

    Terri – I’ll send you some for your birthday 😛

     
  11. Sujatha

    November 7, 2007 at 4:02 pm

    You’re s’posed to tell me when you tag me, dearie!

     
  12. Amrita

    November 9, 2007 at 2:20 pm

    Suj – I knew i’d forgotten something 😀

     
  13. Amey

    November 16, 2007 at 2:15 am

    Yup, changing my name threw a lot of people off… So, how’s the tag going?

     
  14. desigirl

    November 21, 2007 at 9:18 am

    hey jezebel,
    you do know i complied, right? well, i tagged MM and Dee and both of them did it! wheee!

     
  15. Amrita

    November 21, 2007 at 2:04 pm

    Amey – you should click those links above 🙂 some of those ladies are pretty darn funny!

    DG – i saw! I saw! and er… jezebel? lil ol’ moi? 😳

     
  16. saaki

    November 22, 2007 at 7:14 am

    hey…

    hilarious n witty answers……i dunno how i landed up here…but now i’m glad that i did..!!!

     
  17. Amrita

    November 23, 2007 at 11:38 am

    Saaki – welcome! 🙂

     
  18. saaki

    November 26, 2007 at 11:14 pm

    Though i have 2 admit that i hate Britney …and wat on earth is she wearing…..Flamingo feathered swimsuit…..????? LOLzzz……

     
  19. tac

    December 12, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    Hmm, I can’t help but troll. And I swear, this is superior.

    Say hi to Maddox:
    http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=26_things

     
  20. Amrita

    December 14, 2007 at 1:18 pm

    saaki – i’ll take flamingo feathers over her cootchie anyday!

    tac – hey you just gave me an idea! thanks 🙂

     
 
%d bloggers like this: