MTV’s VMA is apparently the gift that keeps on giving.
Lost in all the Britney brouhaha was the news of a bitchfight that went down between two of Pamela Anderson’s exes – rocker Tommy Lee (you know, the one who lovingly documented the adventures of his penis and then laughed his ass off as millions of gullible young fools downloaded it as a “Pamela Anderson sex tape”? That one.) vs. Kid Rock.
But don’t just take my word for it, take Tommy Lee‘s:
Yeah!! …..here I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the MTV awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends……Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore….and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!…..and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me…..and he’s sitting with Miss HOT Megan FOX so I go over and sit with P! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance….(“I apologize sweetie…..I had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect”)……back to the stupid-ness!!….so….. I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble…I stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say “Hey dude…What up”?? He punches me in the face…..well if ya wanna call it that!?….more like a bitch slap!…….Wuss!! Anyway….i go to knock this jealous country bumpkin the f$%k OUT….and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly ass mug ….security guards… grab me and haul my ass outta the award show! So I’m fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner of the Palm’s George Maloof……the rest is paper work and bullshit!… Anyway…… I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and MTV for the disrespectful bullshit caused by a piece of shit called Kid Pebble!!
Much Love always!!…..Tommy!!
Listen, I don’t care what their beef is or whether this is a publicity stunt or whatever. This is simply too funny to be let go.
I mean, where do I start expressing my love? For the fact that Tommy Lee apparently doesn’t understand that getting bitchslapped is kinda sorta maybe worse than bitchslapping? For listing all his friends one by one, to the extent of putting the occupations of the less famous ones in brackets for the edification of his fans? For completely dissing Diddy or P. or whatever the hell it is that the guy is called these days and extolling the charms of Megan Fox? For the “stupid-ness”? For calling Kid Rock, Kid Pebble because you know, that’s gotta hurt, dude! And of course for the fact that he apparently loves and adores his lap?
No wait, what? Hold on, I get it now – he loves and adores Pam, who’s sitting on his lap. Hmm. Mistake become wrong, as they say.
I don’t know why I never paid more attention to Tommy Lee. After all, the man did roll out the original celebrity sex tape. He was clearly destined for greatness but my eyes were not worthy of glimpsing the future. However, the last word must go to Jamie Foxx: “Stop all this white on white violence,” he implored.
Well, maybe in a little bit, okay?