al-Zawahiri x Sir Salman = Gandhigiri

13 Jul

From Quarksblog

They just can’t leave ol’ Sallu alone.In the wake of the Glasgow attacks, comes news from al Qaeda Number Two, the ever jolly Mr. Ayman al-Zawahiri. Addressed to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who’s currently experiencing the most exciting first month ever on a job, al-Zawahiri’s message comes complete with title: Malicious Britain and its Indian Slaves. Oh, snap! :mrgreen:

He threatened “a very precise response” in retaliation against Britain for having knighted the controversial novelist in the Queen’s Birthday Honours last month.

Sabre rattling done, al-Zawahiri then called for a bit of Gandhigiri. It’s true! He said good Muslims, i.e. folks who agree with him, ought to boycott British goods and spin some khadi instead. Okay, so I made up the last bit but he did call for a boycott of Brit goodies.

Yeah, I bet the Brits are really crushed now that the mujahideen are going to cancel their order of Cadburys. I guess al-Zawahiri slept through his economics class.

So anyway, Brown came out and said the obvious i.e. the United Kingdom will knight whoever it feels like knighting, thank you very much. That’s not the fun part, though. The entertaining bit, for me, came later when I paid a visit to Rushdie’s wiki page and read all the other nutjob reactions he’s attracted.

I know it must be horribly wearying, to say the very least, to live under a death threat. The Iranians might have been the ones to come up with the idea but everybody from the Hezbollah down to Pakistani clerics have gotten into the fatwa with plenty of zeal and fervor. On the other hand you get stuff like this:

In 1990 a Pakistani film was released in which Rushdie… was depicted as plotting… to cause the downfall of “Pakistan, the stronghold of Islam” by opening a chain of casinos and discos in the country. The hero of the story… learns of the plot and decides to quit his day job as a police officer to recruit his unemployed brothers and create a mujahid (God’s soldiers) group to pursue Rushdie and slay him before the plot can go into effect. The film … “presents Rushdie as a Rambo-like figure pursued by four Pakistani guerillas” and surrounded by the Israeli armed forces. Rushdie is protrayed as “a smug, bespectacled butcher in a double-breasted suit, who lives in palatial splendor, [and who] personally slaughters his enemies with a huge blood-soaked sword”. In the end as the trio of brothers and their mother are being crucified by Rushdie, Allah frees them with bolts of lightning and “Rushdie is attacked by a quartet of floating holy books (the Koran, Tawrat, Zabur, and Injil), which shoot laser beams into his skull until he bursts into flame.”


May I suggest the above sterling piece of work to Osama bin Laden and his good buddy al-Zawahiri? It might cheer them up a little.


Posted by on July 13, 2007 in News, Newsmakers, Politics


10 responses to “al-Zawahiri x Sir Salman = Gandhigiri

  1. amitscorpio

    July 13, 2007 at 9:26 pm

    OMG!!! that movie plot is so hilarious!!! the most funny part of the whole story 🙂 I sure wanna watch the movie!! but dont think it would be available anywhere outside pakistan. I think Al-Zawahiri should take the distribution rights of the movie in his hands … and provide free copies to all americans and british people!!

  2. some body

    July 14, 2007 at 6:51 am

    i wonder what zawahri would say if the brits were to knight him? wouldn’t that be par for the course on the british divide-and-conquer policy? 😉

    – s.b.

  3. Coralina

    July 15, 2007 at 11:37 am

    I think instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Salman Rushdie should have been the one chosen to perform Conan!

    Then, he would leave,without the need of body guards, in the company of some sorceresses and hunters and similar people,and,after fighting many bullies and finding some traitor among them,they would reach al-zawahiri ‘s gloomy castle,full of dark magic.
    After a incredible fight, *insert mix of Conan’s and Rushdie’s books dialogs*, Salman Conan would read all his works to the evil wizard!!

    Now,this is a plot!

  4. Amrita

    July 15, 2007 at 1:39 pm

    Amit – isnt it? 😀 I don’t know if its available anywhere. I do know they took it to Britain but that’s about all I know. I’d like to see it too someday.

    SB – I think ol’ Queenie might run him through with that sword after all he had to say about her grandson 🙂

    Coralina – OMG! Conan!! I love that shit! That and Hercules in New York are my two all time favorite Arnie movies and one of these days I’ll actually see them all the way through, lol! One of these holiday seasons I’m totally getting these three for all my friends 😀

  5. Ramjee

    July 16, 2007 at 8:48 am

    Interesting, humorous.. hilarious!!

    where do you get all this stuff.. might be the way u think

    keep going!

  6. Amrita

    July 17, 2007 at 11:52 am

    Ramjee – thank you 🙂 I just have waaay too much time on my hands.

  7. Gaurav

    July 18, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    the movie plot is hilarious…..they could have included a matrix style fight between all the holy books and all Rushdie books, before the end of Rushdie in movie!!..:)

  8. Amrita

    July 18, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    gaurav – hee hee, I’ve been wondering and wondering if the books have tiny wings ever since I read that thing.

  9. Gaurav

    July 18, 2007 at 5:09 pm

    Amrita – ha ha ha….I so want to see that movie now!!!…Now since you said that, I have been wondering about those winged books emitting different colored lasers, striking each others beam!!!….

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