Indian cricket continues to entertain albeit in ways painful to those who love it most. For others, like me, who couldn’t care less it’s the best comedy in town.
So, I don’t know if you’ve heard but Team India is looking for a coach. It’s sort of like the Flying Dutchman advertising for a captain but you’d be surprised at how many people want a shot at it.
A few days back it looked like Bangladesh coach or ex-coach or whatever, Dav Whatmore was all set to take the job. If you typed in “India news” on any search engine, that’s one of the things you’d hear. Whatmore looked like a nice bloke and he made all sorts of appropriate kissy faces and everything looked on track… until he was dropped.
Why? Nobody knows really.
Suddenly it was like the preceding month had never happened. Like the BCCI had never sent representatives to sound him out about taking over as coach and like the media had pulled the whole thing out of thin air. I guess this is what happens when you have a politician heading the Board. Those types have notoriously tiny memories.
Anyway, so then everybody was like Graham Ford is the guy to be coach. Look at him – so tall, so beautiful, so lovely, so shiny, so accomplished, so… the guy who was Team South Africa’s coach when they got busted for match fixing. Whoopsie-doo!
Still, everybody assured us that Team India loooooooved him. And that’s what’s important right? That the players love the guy who’s going to guide them? Apparently not because that’s when Sunil Gavaskar made a fuss and resisted all efforts to send him into the gentle night.
Oh seriously, aren’t you done shooting your mouth off at Australians and other such “furriners” – excuse me – “firangis”?
Anyway, Gavaskar asked for and got a look in the door for John Embury who looks like my idea of a proper grandpa. Of course, lacking the spit and polish of Ford, he pretty much got hammered for being an unsuccessful coach. “Surprise contender” was the euphemism used. Aww! Talk about loading the dice for Fantastic Ford.
Except – he doesn’t want the job!
That’s right, buddy. Show ‘em how you can’t be bought with all the pretty baubles hung before you by a bunch of fat slobs who’re out to jinx you even before you start. Dude probably got his first good look at Gavaskar’s
mask of death face and decided to pass.
Anyway, so now India doesn’t have a coach. Oh no! Oh grief! Oh woe! Oh sadness! Whatever shall we do now? Um, let’s see. We could do a lot of (constructive) things but what’s most likely? I know!
We’ll go hang out on TV and ask whether we should stop talking about cricket on TV. No wonder Shekhar Suman is giving up comedy to judge TV shows and make music. He can see the writing on the wall – nobody can beat cricket when it comes to comedy.
[Originally published on Desicritics]