Me: Did you hear about the whole Sandra Bullock thing?
Friend (back from vacation): No! Did something happen to her?
Me: Her husband…
Friend: Jesse James? I love Monster Garage!
Me: Yeah, well, turns out he was cheating on Sandra with this skank called Bombshell McGee who’s a tattoo model and might be a bipolar neoNazi who likes to give the Nazi salute to her Jewish kid.
Friend: O_O
Thing I Learned: There is just no place for that conversation to go. Unless it’s to a be-tattooed foursome with someone named Skittles.
Shower. Now.
