So Slumdog Millionaire won everything. Anil Kapoor is the happiest furry on the planet! Everybody loves the millionaire man! As they should. Highlights of the night included:
The Voice: Tilda Swinton and her clear bell tones.
The Tabloid: Jack Black cracks a joke about Dreamworks sucking Pixar’s dust, Jennifer Aniston makes her Rachel Green face and the camera pans to Angelina Jolie in mid-laugh. What does it all mean? Answers in your favorite tab today!
The Surreal: John Legend and A.R. Rahman in a Wall-E / Slumdog medley. Next time, make him sing Rehna Tu, A.R.!
The Correct: Peter Gabriel who knew the songs were going to get slaughtered up there.
The Smug (The Stoned?): Brad Pitt, his squint, and his ginormous ring.
The Eager: Resul “Poocutty” (hey, props to Will Smith for landing in the neighborhood at least) practically mowing down the others to grab his statuette and have his say.
The Awww: Penelope Cruz remembering her roots and her old friends.
The AWWW: The amazing Viola Davis breaking down in tears as Eva Marie Saint lauded her performance, calling her a “stunning talent”. So she is.
The Cool: AR Rahman sauntering out without a speech, cracking a lame joke or two (Did he seriously reference “Mere paas maa hai”? HAHAHAHA! There’s a reason I love this man, people!), thanking the “jury” and then saying the most subtly political line of the night: “All my life I had to choose between hate and love; I chose love and I’m here.”
The Best: Hugh Jackman comes to the end of yet another Baz Luhrman disaster and screams, “The musicals are back!” In the audience, Penelope Cruz rolls her eyes. BWAHAHAHA!
Adore me!
The Bestest: Kunio Kato and the Departures team. For giving amazing acceptance speeches. Sank you berry much. I am very, very happy! I hope you’ll be back too.
The Confusing: Frieda Pinto’s dress. One minute I hate it, the next I love it.
The Outclassed: Zac Efron + Vanessa Hudgens and Dominic Cooper + Amanda Seyfried (yay Lily!) dancing with Hugh Jackman + Beyonce. Jackman was just about keeping up with Beyonce, but the other two couples? Ouch.
The Classy: Sending past five winners of the acting categories to introduce the nominees.
The Classier: Shirley McLaine and Sophia Loren (and her hand on her hip). That’s who I want to be when I grow up.
The Classiest: Jerry Lewis. After they were all such cunts to him too.
The Adorable – Dev Patel pumping his fists, jumping out of his chair, and finally just shaking his head in disbelief as his debut feature cleaned up at the Oscars. Awww!
The Adorabler – Dustin Lance Black on the importance of Harvey Milk in his life. “God does love you.”
The Adorablest – the entire Slumdog cast. Everytime the camera panned to that section, they were having a party. So much more fun to watch!
The Awesome: Angelina Jolie (and Cate Blanchett) kicking ass in the action montage. More please!
The Before:
OMG! I'm at the Oscars with Brangelina!
The After:
But I don't want to be adopted!
