Sex Grandma Says Goodbye

For some reason we were all at the apartment that night. We’d turned the lights off but the sky outside was stained that peculiar late night Manhattan lavender and it provided enough illumination for us not to go bumping into things. Not that anybody was going anywhere. The TV was on, basic cable, but none of us were really paying attention. The Daily Show had just ended and Conan wouldn’t be on for some time yet so L. began to lazily flip through channels as we talked because none of us were particularly fond of either Leno or Letterman.

“What’s this?” she asked as the conversation lulled.

On the screen was a very old Grandma-type lady earnestly talking about something. It was on mute and nobody cared enough to ask for the sound to be switched on. She looked like the kind of lady who comes on TV to talk about the sad state of the young people today and give testimonials about how Christ is her Savior.

“Dude, is that… a dildo?” asked M.

It was. A giant one. Say hello to Sue Johanson.

The beauty of Talk Sex with Sue Johanson was that it had a little something for everyone. It was entertaining, informative, upfront and completely weird. People who caught an episode for the first time (especially men) were often left shellshocked - it’s one thing to know that people Sue’s age have a sexual life, but altogether a different matter when they check out and rate sex toys and go for a whirl in one of those Chinese swing chair thingies.

What Chinese swing chair thingy? Well, I’m sure there’s an official name for it, but it’s sort like a harness that you suspend off the ceiling and it “allows your partner to position your body” to paraphrase Sue, who allowed herself to be strapped into it (with her clothes on, you perverts!) to better demonstrate its virtues. The best part of that episode was the face of the guy who was selling the thing. Although I’m sure some would say it was the contraption itself.

But that was the point: even if you weren’t planning on having anal sex (which she recommended liberally for everyone as something that would spice up the old sex life as long as you took certain precautions as demonstrated by her) or trying out one of the smaller vibrators in the market (to better stimulate your partner’s prostate which would increase his pleasure, she said) you could still have a great time watching her show.

That first night, it took us a long time to get our collective jaws off the ground. But we agreed that the Sex Grandma, as we called her, was a must-watch. It was definitely a show for adults but she was informed, smart, funny, non-judgmental and without an ounce of coyness. There wasn’t a subject that was taboo or a medical condition she couldn’t talk about. And she wasn’t afraid to tell her callers to visit their doctor or local clinic either.

Couples, teens, and people of every sexuality would call in and be briskly handed some no-nonsense advice of the kind you wish your parents would give you but would probably never ask for in a million years. If you wanted to know what people across the United States and Canada were doing in their bedrooms, all you needed to do was watch her show.

But no longer.

After 32 years of television, six of them spent on Oxygen, the Sex Grandma’s packing up her Pleasure Chest. This Sunday she’ll host her last episode… which will focus on the year’s top ten sex toys.

TV is never going to be the same again.

[Via Dlisted]

The Devil & Mr. Jindal

Every friendship has these moments when you do or say something that’s just unforgivable. We tend to remember the times that we’ve been sinned against rather than the times that we have sinned but we all have that ghastly moment in our past when we’ve let somebody down or simply pissed somebody off with our stupidity.

That time we didn’t stand up for our friend even if we knew that was the right thing to do; that bit of gossip we repeated even though we knew it would hurt or, worse still, that bit of gossip we didn’t repeat even though we knew it would hurt all the more when it all finally came out; that time we got drunk at a party and created a scene; the date we didn’t keep because we found something better to do that day; the phone call we meant to place but never did even though we knew our friend really needed somebody to talk to; or maybe just passed a personal comment that we thought was really funny or true but all it did was hurt the feelings of the person we love.

We’ve been there. Usually by mistake or sheer thoughtlessness.

But how many of us have said our cancer-stricken best friend was possessed of the devil? How many of us wrote a fucking essay about it and had it published? At the New Oxford Review? (Want to read it? Pay $1.50! Or just go here and skip halfway down the page.)

Well, so far, I know of exactly one person who’s done anything of the sort: pioneering Indian American governor of Louisiana and possible Veep candidate Piyush Bobby Jindal.

After reading Bobby’s close encounter of the otherworldly kind, I thought I’d draw up a short list of things to learn about the art of friendship and just life in general from the Experiences of Bobby:

Tumors: They make people behave strangely. Especially when it’s located in the brain.

Cancer: It makes people sad, which sometimes makes them cry. It’s the whole “looking your mortality in the face” thing.

Brown University: Needs to send you a refund for that honors degree in Biology.

Sexual tension: When a girl finds you attractive, especially when she’s known you for some time and you describe her as your “best friend”, it is possible that she just wants to make out with you without wanting to consume your soul. Take a deep breath and relax - let this new idea sink slowly into your consciousness.

Best friends: Spend time together especially when one has a life threatening disease. If you’ve succumbed to peer pressure and don’t hang out all that often for a year in spite of knowing she has cancer, it probably means you are not her best friend.

A cappella: A fun way to spend the evening unless you’re super depressed about something. Like your impending death.

Nicknames: If you chose your own nickname and further compounded matters by adopting it from The Brady Bunch, try not to admit it. Lie instead. God will understand.

Pagans: If you think your friend’s demonic possession was facilitated by her roommate’s mother paying obeisance to a pagan altar, then it’s only fair you blame yourself too because of your pagan Hindu family which is probably burning incense on your behalf as we speak.

McKinsey: Hey, you wanna play that game where we see how many people we know in common who worked there? it could be our desi bonding experience!

Fairy Tales: Appropriate for children. Adults somehow tend to pay more attention to things like snuggling on the bed.

Tardiness: is forgivable. Or I wouldn’t have any friends left. Also forgivable? Flaking on somebody as long they eventually come up with some explanation. Or I wouldn’t be a friend to half the people I’m friends with. These things are doubly true when a friend is sick because of a thing called:

Cutting some slack: It’s the Christian thing to do.

God: Works in mysterious ways. Will not answer prayers on demand. Shocking, I know.

911: Is more than a random series of numbers or a handy abbreviation for a tragedy (that was yet to occur at the time of this essay). Dialing that number will bring you things like an ambulance - a thing you want around you when your cancer-stricken best friend goes into convulsions on the floor and acts “strange”.

Hail Mary: I like it too! And I didn’t even attend convent school.

The internet: Has no secrets.

Why I Love the Commies

… and you should too.

Not all the commies, of course. That’s like saying you should love all the Hindu right wing nutjobs in the world rather than just a selected few like Balasaheb Thackeray who are completely geniustastic at coming up with nifty ideas like digging up the cricket pitch in a city where they have nothing to lose on the eve of an international match to give vent to their patriotism. You know, it’s been years but I still think about that stunt sometimes. Simple, cheap, effective and sannu ki!That’s some good shit right there.

But what’s there to love in, say, Praveen Togadia? Does he dig up cricket pitches? Can he draw bad cartoons? Own a throne? Does he appear on national TV in his pajamas, drink in hand? Pffft! Talk about boring.

Similarly, communists in places where they have actual power - what’s to love? They send you to gulags, take away your money, shatter your family, build nuclear weapons, and such. Have you seen Ninotchka? Anybody that happy to buy a pair of silk stockings did not just get off the boat from Utopia. The best they can hope for is a bit part in a James Bond movie. Where they’ll be totally upstaged by some hot girl in a bikini. Really, what’s the point?

But the Indian communist is a commie to love.

The dress - Okay, so all the men look George Fernandes (who I think is actually a socialist but runs around with a whole bunch of communists from what I remember and anyway dresses like them so according to my calculations he counts and since this is my blog and I’m doing the writing, I get to decide) although the younger set seem to be tapping Fab India (which I love, by the way, in case you ever want to buy me gifts).

But the women! I don’t know where they get those handloom sarees but they’re absolutely to die for. Not that I would ever wear them because all cotton sarees have an unfortunate tendency to exaggerate my bottom and if I can resist peer pressure and stay off the weed for fear of what the munchies were going to do to significant bits of my person, I think I can stay off the cotton saree.

Erm… TMI? Just sayin’ - commie style has its drawbacks too. Even if Brinda Karat makes me wish my forehead too resembled a football field so I could wear a giant bindi like that.

The talk - Have you heard them? They’re absolutely miraculous. It’s like half of them are stuck in the 1950s and are fully engaged in the Cold War while the rest never graduated from freshman year of college. Take any five communist politicians you know (or however many you know although this only really works if you know more than one) and imagine them in the most annoying Anthropology / History / Politics / Philosophy class you ever took. Don’t they fit right in?

I guess I should also mention that this only works if you went to a liberal arts college. Otherwise, just take my word for it.

The downside, however, is when they get over it. Not all of them do but some come out on the other side and there is nothing sadder than an ex-Communist. I’ve met a few and they pretty much broke my heart. They seem so defeated and cynical like life has just been one long disappointment and their kids grew up to be cannibals. I’m talking of the older ones, of course, not the super-annoying Communist-for-this-semester kids from college.

The power - They have none. That’s something to love right there. But what happens when they do have power? Well, some pretty fantastic stuff like this thing called “nokku kooli” in Kerala:

Worker’s unions have crossed all limits by making it a practice to demand money for work they are not doing. They call it ‘nokku kooli’, or wages for (just) looking on… The government eventually saw the ludicrous aspect of it—state industry minister Elamaram Kareem, himself a trade unionist, intervened and stopped it. There is no guarantee, though, that it won’t be revived.

You know what made that paragraph for me? The use of the word “eventually”. Love it!

Actually, I would like to start an International Nokku Kooli Movement. It would allow those of us with a lot of curiosity and not enough skill to observe the jobs that interest us and turn it into a full time career. Like auditing a class, except in real life and you’d get paid for it. Dream job, totally.

The sentiment - Religious people pretty much have the rest of the world beat when it comes to taking offense except in one specific scenario: when America says something. No, wait - didn’t the jihadis win that round? Well, okay but the commies come in a respectable second! Take for instance this latest “controversy” surrounding President Bush’s remarks about the global food crisis. Here’s what he said:

So, for example, just as an interesting thought for you, there are 350 million people in India who are classified as middle class. That’s bigger than America. Their middle class is larger than our entire population…And when you start getting wealth, you start demanding better nutrition and better food. And so demand is high, and that causes the price to go up.

When deconstructed from Bush-lingo, you realize that he’s actually talking about a rather complex problem centered around food politics within the United States. And if you dug deep enough you’d know he (or perhaps somebody in his administration) understands that this is connected to the power crisis and America’s attempt to turn to biofuel. Taken at face value, however, you’d think he was asking China and India to eat less and starve more. But why would you take Bush’s words at face value after seven years of hearing him speak?

Unless you’re an Indian politician and a communist in particular. In which case, Christmas came early. As long as somebody cares.

The by-products - They make interesting movies. If you’re not watching Bengali and Malayalee movies, especially of the vintage Communist era from the 50s to the 70s, you’re missing out.

Because We Need To Talk More…

… about hot men, let us discuss Daniel Craig (the current Mr. Bond) and Kevin McKidd (the promising but canceled Journeyman) today. With a little Patrick Dempsey thrown in for good measure.

Hey, it’s Friday! We can do things like this. I could even show you a picture of little Mr. Craig. But it’s not “art” (some might beg to differ) so wait till you get home before you click that link coz its most definitely NSFW. Or forward it to your boss if you s/he would appreciate it. Whatever works for you.

So am I the only person in the world who thinks Craig and McKidd (below) look like long lost brothers? Sure, Craig is an Englishman and McKidd is Scots but I think it’s time somebody asked whether an earthquake or a flood hit their village when they were little. Or if they went to a fair when they were young. Perhaps check for matching tattoos or bits of broken jewelry waiting to be made whole again - just to make sure. I mean, what if their mother is waiting for McKidd (the younger by about five years) to sing to her so she can regain her sight?

Even their careers are remarkably alike: Craig may have done more high profile and interesting gigs but give McKidd some time and as long as he doesn’t get typecast as the poor man’s Daniel Craig, I think he’ll do just fine. Between them they’ve acted in Trainspotting, Rome, The Kingdom of Heaven (I know! Completely and utterly historically inaccurate but fun! And I say that even though I had to watch Orlando Bloom in it), Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (oh, like I didn’t see you there, avidly munching your popcorn. Stop putting on airs), Sylvia, Layer Cake ( which you should see if you haven’t already), Munich, The Jacket, and, of course, the Bond franchise.

And in 2009, McKidd is scheduled to play Thor while Craig will appear as Lucifer in I, Lucifer.

Coincydink? Well, yes. It appears so. I’m sorry if you thought I had a point here other than to wallow in the total hotness of these two.

But hey, you can see McKidd this weekend at the movies - he’s costarring in a blatant rip off of My Best Friend’s Wedding called Made of Honor with Michelle Monaghan (who looks like a better fed Ellen Pompeo in a brunette wig) and Patrick Dempsey. It looks like its going to be really terrible so I bet it’s going to be really good. You know, one of those movies. Yes, I’m going to see it. Eventually, anyway. And yes, I can guess the ending and I strongly suspect it’s not the one that Julia Roberts got because something has to be different so the actors can lie and say, “Oh no, this is very hatke“. Vive le difference!

The World is Full of Meanies

Priya Venkatesan Hays (Dartmouth ‘90, MS in Genetics, PhD in Literature) has an impressive resume. Well, so what? you ask. So do a lot of other people. Ah, but she has more interesting ideas! For example, her book Molecular Biology in Narrative Form was a “groundbreaking, interdisciplinary study that shows a connection between molecular biology and French narrative theory” according to its publishers.

Unfortunately for Priya Venkatesan Hays, nobody cares.

No one seems to have read her first book - or cared enough to have written a review of it on Amazon, take your pick - and something tells me her second book, A Postmodernist in the Laboratory is headed for the same fate. Although I’d guess that answers the question posed by the Modernist Studies Conference in Tulsa as to whether a modern science has ever existed. I wonder what conclusions the panel arrived at regarding the other questions:

How have arguments for the social constructedness of scientific fact affected visions of a modernist science? Does the scientific method inherently engender the modern subject as free beings? Papers that deal specifically with the issue of whether modern science has been deconstructed in terms of actual scientific practice [were] especially welcome.

But I digress. You see, not only is the world made up of philistines who don’t care to explore science through French narrative theory, it is also populated with a whole bunch of meanies. Like those students she taught at Dartmouth (an Ivy League school she attended herself) who thought her ideas were crap and superiors who thought she was a big diva because she kept complaining about her students’ snotty attitude. Not to mention evaluators with bad manners who interrupted her while she was speaking and then left the classroom without excusing themselves or expressing any thanks.

The bastards! Coz you know they only did that because she was Indian.

Wait, what?

Hey, I told you she has interesting ideas. That’s right, they only did it because she was Indian. Dartmouth hates Indians. It’s out in the open now, folks. We know what’s going on. You’ll give us admission as students and then hire us back as teachers but you won’t take us seriously! Especially if we complain about your bad manners and your comments to other people in our hearing. Look at this heartrending example of what happened when she stood up to Dr. Christopher H. Lowrey, an Associate Professor at the medical school:

One complaint, during Venkatesan’s two-year tenure as a DHMC Research Associate, regards the alleged behavior of Dr. Lowrey. Specifically an instance during which a research lab was preparing for a conference, and Venkatesan alleges that Lowrey commented to a research tech that, “your beauty will attract people to your poster.” Venkatesan claims that she informed Lowrey of the inappropriateness of the comments and that the next day Lowrey invited her to his office to discuss the matter. At this meeting Venkatesan recounts a livid Lowrey saying comments like, “you wreck havoc wherever you go” and “you think the world revolves around you” and slamming files into a garbage can. This series of events was among what Venkatesan calls “many many many incidences” of violative and inappropriate behavior.

She “thinks world revolves around” her? Quelle blague! I think the fact that she sued her students for employment discrimination and is currently pursuing litigation to see whether she even has a claim definitively proves that she doesn’t give a thought to herself. Also, Dr. Lowry apparently lives in the 19th century. I hope he wears a pince nez and pantaloons and smokes a pipe coz I really need to see a doctor like that.

Maybe she should just go back to Pasadena and teach. At least some of them like her there. Even if she doesn’t answer her emails and expects them to… you know, work for their grades.

I’m just worried that we’ll eventually find out that this was some kind of postmodernist lab experiment and we’ve all been suckered into playing along. Don’t take my dreams away from me, Priya Venkatesan. I’m Indian too.

Prince Charles & Multi-Culti Friends

We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up everybody and sing

Living life is fun and we’ve just begun
To get our share of the world’s delights
High hopes we have for the future
And our goal’s in sight
No we don’t get depressed
Here’s what we call our golden rule
Have faith in you and the things you do
You won’t go wrong, oh no
This is our family Jewel, yeah!

“Oh, wait - I need to get a beard to join you guys? Dash it, I knew there was a catch! Sorry, but my wife can’t stand beards. The last one I had got all the sympathy and she got called a horse faced homewrecker so she’s not too keen on them.”

[via CDAN]

Bones: TV’s #1 Romance

So is anybody excited that Bones is back from its strike-induced hiatus? Other than me, I mean. Sorry, too much excitement kills my grammar. How excited am I? Well, if they made little Temperance “Bones” Brennan and Seeley Booth dolls, I’d make them sit around and play kissing games all day. I’d throw them tea parties and weddings. Awwww!

Okay, so … no, I’d never do any of that because that would be, you know, insane but I have come to the conclusion that the Bones-Booth ship is *the* ship for the foreseeable future. Let me tell you why this is not merely another symptom of my creeping insanity:

When Bones premiered three years ago, there was already a glut of cop dramas on TV. Even the forensics angle faced tough competition from the CSI franchise so enthusiasm ran a little low (at least in me) even if it was hailed as the best of the new crop that year. After all, The Wire was in its heyday then and no matter how studiously the industry ignored it, anybody who’d ever seen it knew it was the best cop drama on TV period so all this pretender to the crown business was just that: pretension.

Further complicating matters is David Boreanaz as a devout Catholic FBI agent without a vampire in sight. Not that this really mattered to me because I wasn’t an Angel freak when I was young (for that matter I wasn’t a huge Buffy fan either - I did that weird thing I do with Lost now: catch every other season coz I can’t be bothered to catch up in between), so my response to the cast was lukewarm at best.

This meant that I really had no interest in the Bones-Booth ship. Sure, I liked both of them (Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel) but this was back when Grey’s Anatomy was my number one ship-fix. Remember those halcyon days when Derek wasn’t an asshole, Meredith wasn’t suicidal, Cristina had a spine, Izzie wasn’t sleeping with George, Miranda had found a way to stay married unlike all the dopey people surrounding her, Addison wasn’t being sucky on the suckier Private Practice and Burke hadn’t run away? Yeah, back when we had a show rather than a mess. Give up that Mer-Der for this? Never!

Added to the mix were two things that have bothered me about this show from day one.

First off, the cases. They’re ludicrously simple. Maybe they sound really complicated and strange when they’re thinking them up in the writer’s room and perhaps the actual forensic work has multiple levels to it, but I really don’t like it when I can immediately spot whodunnit two minutes after being introduced to them. And even in the rare case where I turn out to be wrong (I think it happened… once?), the whole thing is less of a shock and more of an “Oh, yeah.”

The second thing that really bugs me is that goddamned hologram thingy. The “Angelator”, hyuk hyuk. Everytime they show it, I want to find the moron who thought it up and stab them in the eye. Okay, maybe not stab them in the eye. But I’d give them a few vicious pokes. I bet some of the effects people on this show worked on Alias. The Angelator is so Alias!

Okay, I feel better. Moving on…

Cut to three years later. The Wire is off the air while CSI and L&O cackle their way through yet more seasons. What sort of a world do we live in where David Caruso and his shades have more lasting power than McNulty & Co.? Not that Caruso and his shades don’t have a space in this world - it’s the one real contribution CSI has made to pop culture.

In the meantime, I had a chance to catch on Kathy Reichs (the real life forensic anthropologist upon whose life and work the series is based) and a lot of things became clear. For example, those loopy cases and the Angelator are both reactions to Reichs’ writing.

Those who’ve read the novels know that Reichs’ Dr. Temperance Brennan bears very little resemblance to the one portrayed by Deschanel on the show. But the differences go beyond things like life history and age: the Temperance of the books is a gritty, emotionally battered woman who’s pretty much the anti-thesis of Bones whose emotional scars are of a completely different kind. And the books themselves, though rather well written and better researched (after all, Reichs is a forensic anthropologist so she must know what she’s talking about), suffer from the same disease that Elmore Leonard’s books suffer from: they make better films (or TV as the case might be) than books. For different reasons, mind you, but it’s the same problem.

I could see Reichs’ book being faithfully adapted by HBO but Fox? Not so much. Yup, it’s that different.

So it makes sense to me that its the relationships on this show that work so wel because they’re the only part of the show where the writers have total control over the characters. The rest of the time, it’s like they’re making everybody go through all this cop stuff with blood and bones and decomposed bodies and serial killers and all that - but the one part they came up with by themselves, they absolutely nail to the wall.

Am I convincing you yet? Well, you should think about it. Because there’s really nothing out there to ship now except maybe for Huddy. I love the Huddy. But I don’t know what it would do to House if he and Cuddy actually began a relationship. On the one hand, I’d really like to see the two of them together (Huddy babies! EEEEE!) but I’d hate it if it suddenly gave him a personality transplant and let’s face it, that’s the only way anyone could tolerate House, most especially Cuddy. I mean, when even Cameron says she’s over you (even if she’s lying just a teensy bit), it’s a sign. A neon, blinking sign. Sigh. I love him so much.

Of course now that I’m all gung-ho about this show, I bet Fox is about to cancel it. Not for nothing was Hugh Laurie so tentative about moving his family to the States even after everybody fell in love with House. Speaking of which, it’s kind of fitting that Bones airs right before House - you can watch Bones for the ship and House for everything else.

PS - Are people seriously considering Zack for Gormagon? My money’s on Bankroft.

The Games Stupid People Play

I see the great Cricket by Karan Johar extravaganza has been drawing boatloads of criticism. You know… the Indian Premier League? I suppose it should rightfully be called the Cricket All Stars for the BCCI Hates Subhash Chandra Movement or the This Money is All Mine Beeyotch Cricket Club or something of similar, especially because KJo’s involvement in the whole thing seems limited to him being best friends with two of the team owners (maybe three? Vijay Mallya? No? Hmm, yeah, KJo would never let a friend of his go out in public with that kind of bling around his neck).

But come on! Cheerleaders (from the Washington Redskins squad - obviously Mallya’s contribution to the great game of cricket) and a team called *snicker* Knight Riders? It practically screams the KJo brand of “cool”. I’m surprised The Hoff isn’t singing the league anthem. Which should totally be Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. Actually, The Hoff singing Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham? That I would watch. Hell, that I’d pay money for!

And money is what lies at the center of this whole thing, isn’t it? Who’s making what and why and wherefore and when and by what means and how and where does it all go and why does it make the little girls cry? It’s all just a matter of time before all this horrible money business ruins cricket forever and crushes everybody’s spirits until mankind’s faith in all sport will be destroyed forever, amen. Coz a fat paycheck and a pink neon outfit (oh wait, that’s the ICL huh?) are obviously worse than betting and fixing as demonstrated by… um, the English soccer clubs? Practically every American sport? Huh.

To be fair, a lot of people are cribbing for noble reasons - the Twenty20 phenomenon is apparently going to ruin cricket in some way that I don’t understand and, frankly, don’t care to understand because… well, it’s cricket and we have no love lost between us. I know! I’m a terrible person and there’s a special corner of hell reserved just for me. I just hope it doesn’t come equipped with a plasma screen playing cricket 24/7.

It might be the lamest money making exercise in the history of world sport, but it’s obviously bringing a great deal of joy to a great many people. Maybe that’s not you and maybe these are not people whom you consider to be “true” fans of the sport but let’s face it - your approval isn’t necessary.

Besides, if you are going to make tons of money through the cynical manipulation of people, then you might as well do it by making people happy, you know what I mean? It’s not like any of these people are dealing drugs or blowing people up.

Which is why I’m struck by this petition to “make cricket watchable again“. There’s been so much ink spilled on how the IPL is really this great big cattle market where players are bought and sold (wait until the trading starts. Ooh, great hairy fistfuls of fur will fly!) that I’m surprised by how little anyone’s really talked about what’s at stake here except in the most general of terms: Indian eyes.

Those eleventy gazillion dollars that everyone’s spending and taking? It’s all based on the fact that Indians will watch those games. Probably other people too but let’s talk Indians here coz I don’t know if they’re watching this in Australia or England or wherehaveyou. But I do know my mom and dad are watching it (and my dad never watches television) and my mom cusses out the TV something fierce when she talks about those ads that cut into her cricket time. I thought she was exaggerating (I’ve seen invasive ads in India before, how bad could it be?) but Raja Sen’s article makes me think otherwise:

ESPN-Star started the trend of using every single break between overs to push in a commercial or two, and we soon got used to that. Ten Sports and Sony worked the envelope even more aggressively, and began to routinely cut off commentators mid-sentence. And now this, where advertisements are repeated with such nauseating constancy they make you want to shoot an otherwise adorable pug, or attack any hair-dye buyer with a pair of shears. And we’re not even going to the horrible production values the channel is flaunting for the best cricketing circus ever.

Of the million and one controversies that have dogged the IPL since it was conceived in the angry halls of the BCCI, this is perhaps the one issue that struck a chord with me. Not because of my mom’s interrupted viewing pleasure, but because it’s A) disrespectful, B) stupid and C) par for the course.

It’s disrespectful and stupid because if you’re planning to make mega bucks off millions of people then the last thing you want to do is not put their wants first and center. How long do you think it’s going to take some enterprising Indian to figure out that Tivo would make a killing in India given this sorry state of affairs and then where will you all be? (Hey, you, I thought of that idea first! I demand a cut!) So, instead, why wouldn’t you just do what every other sports broadcaster in the world does - give the fans what they want to watch and control the ad time. In fact, seeing as how you’ve already borrowed cheerleaders from American football, why don’t you borrow a few more of their ideas and stage something like the Superbowl ads? Maybe you could make more money off it! (Hey, you, I thought of that idea first! I demand a cut!)

And it’s par for the course because Indian TV works without any rhyme or reason. Shows come on air, go off, come back, go on interminably, even Idols get recycled - as and when they like, however they like it. I’ve been trying to make sense of it for years now but I have no clue what’s going on or why people stand for it.

PS - all those people moaning about the death blow those cheerleaders dealt Indian culture with their shapely tushies? Here’s a little video for you, approprately titled Naughty Naughty, starring the son of a Congress chief minister and the daughter of two (count ‘em two!) BJP MPs and national icons. Chockfull of Indian culture, they are.

Riddle-me-Ree, Who Can She Be?

Greetings wonderful MTBs!!!
and good work to all of you!
For having solved the riddle before
I give you all this clue.

The letter ” G “

Write it down, add it on…
And let’s move on to the next little song

“Signed up on the house-a-spouse program,
The lady’s the answer to this epigram.
Blogging with a husband on a blog with style
She’s got the look that’ll make your hunt worthwhile.”

Solve it and you get your lead
Misguess, and you lose your speed
Solve it slow but solve it now
And before you go, take a little bow

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You have your work, cut out for the day!

PS to the regular crowd: Normal programming will resume tomorrow. Duh.

Belated Concern

So… polygamists. In Texas. With 416 children. You didn’t expect a media blackout, did you? Coz you’re sure as hell not getting one.

It’s a story that’s got everything - women, children, religion, sex, law, science, sex offenders, you name it. There’s even a story on polygamist fashion - rooted in the 19th century, did you know? So exciting! Get me one of those pioneer dresses and the unibrow please!

In fact the media, on the whole, has been incredibly understanding of these women. And while I’d normally be cheering them on for not going for the easy soundbyte like always, I have to say I wonder what the hell is going on. Is everybody really feeling the pain of these women or is everybody too scared they’ll be viewed as attacking religion if they point out that these women and their children share a deeply dysfunctional relationship?

Would Fox and CNN be this understanding if a Hindu couple were arrested for selling their daughter into prostitution and explained it away by saying that they were trying to revive the devadasi tradition? Would they present this story in the same way if it had been a bunch of Middle Easterners practicing polygamy and child marriage in the name of Allah?

Compassion is a good thing. Empathy is even better. And I really do believe that there is nothing that cannot be understood or sympathized with. Serial killers, child molesters, cannibals, rapists, torturers… none of these people are “inhuman” or acting “unimaginably”. They might be vile, but the simple fact that they did do the things that they did, means that their actions were neither inhuman nor unimaginable. And this is doubly true of religious fundamentalists who are, after all, simply taking what most of us practice to its extreme point.

I’m sure some of these women joined voluntarily, but I expect still others were brainwashed or beaten into submission. Some of them probably even grew up in the system and genuinely think it really is alright for children to marry men old enough to be their grandfathers and live sequestered from the outside world because that’s what God would want them to do. It’s like those women in Saudi Arabia who think it’s only right that they have fewer rights because they live on holy land and must be an example to others.

Plus, this is probably the only world that they know. And their children are perhaps the one connection that makes them feel safe and valued.

But watching the cameras from Larry King Live take a tour through the compound last week was rather surreal.

I don’t doubt the pain in that woman’s voice was real when she said she wanted her children back. But as she moved through the facility and pointed out where the children were supposed to be, I couldn’t help but be glad that they weren’t there. I hate the thought of those kids in foster care or a state facility, especially when they some from such a different background - but they’d have to be placed in the dregs of the system for their lives to be any worse than inside that compound.

For one thing, unlike the people in there, in the outside world everyone knows that children and adults are not supposed to have sex. There are nasty names and horrible punishments for things like that - if not everywhere in the world, then definitely in the United States.

Also, saying things like “This nation is so prejudiced against us” is perhaps a tad idiotic when that very nation’s law is the only thing you have going for you right now. More to the point - it’s the only thing your kids have going for them right now.

Any way you look at it, those kids are not going to have an easy life of it. So forgive me, unibrow lady, if I reserve my sympathy for them.